WELCOME, WELCOME, BRAND NEW MEMBERS - LDS Hymn Parody #13

Another hymn parody.  This one is in tribute to the Mormon Mindset...
drinking the Kool-Aid...
being a good little Morgbot...
toeing the Mormon Party Line...   

The original hymn is one I remember singing in Sunday School a lot in my growing-up years.  Of course, I also learned how to play this hymn on the piano early on, and then on the organ when I became Ward Organist.  This hymn has an upbeat tempo and a catchy tune, which I have always liked.  The message, though, is something else...

In thinking about this hymn, I am reminded of the seemingly endless Sundays that I spent in church as a young girl, a teenager, a young woman, and then an adult.  Indoctrination, pure and simple.  But as much as I tried to "follow the program," it was difficult for me because I always questioned things, and even though I was given supposed answers, those "answers" were in reality simply the Mormon Party Line.  That's it... drink the Kool-Aid... and everything will be just fine...

If I had been true to myself, I would have left the church a lot sooner than I actually did - but until my final crisis of faith (which began when I was studying in preparation for going on a Mormon Church History Tour in the Summer of 2001), I was much too concerned with what I thought people would think of me.  Indeed, I was programmed very well, and was very much the good little Morgbot.  I was definitely drinking the Kool-Aid back then.  Oh, I had questioned things now and then, but I had also successfully placed all my issues on a shelf that I tried very hard not to disturb.  But in the Summer of 2001, that shelf simply became too stacked with issues to withstand the weight of it all.  That was the beginning of the end for me.

And so, my revision of this beloved Mormon hymn...

WELCOME, WELCOME, BRAND NEW MEMBERS
Sung to the tune of Welcome, Welcome, Sabbath Morning, #280

Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

Soon the Bishop will confront you,
Ask you questions, privately,
Pry and prod about your habits,
Nosing in continually.

(Chorus)

Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

Mormonism, unrelenting,
You will not be left alone.
Mormons will be at your doorstep,
Or they will be on the phone.

Pay your tithing, don’t drink coffee,
And of course, no alcohol.
Mind your P’s and Q’s completely,
Or the Bishop soon will call.

(Chorus)

Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

Pay attention to the Prophet,
Just accept his every word.
There are many things confusing,
And some things will seem absurd.

But if you just follow closely
Everything you’re told to do.
You won’t have the time to question
And you just won’t have a clue.

(Chorus)

Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

Do not research independent,
Only read what is approved.
Anti-Mormon propaganda
Is conjecture, can’t be proved.

And of course, you must not linger
Too much on the Internet.
There are many evils lurking
So beware and don't forget.

(Chorus)

Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

The true church, the one and only,
As restored by Joseph Smith.
And although it’s hard to swallow,
Don’t believe, it’s just a myth.
It is simple, just don't question,
Just accept what you are told,
Though it's really mumbo jumbo,
Buy the bill of goods we've sold.

(Chorus)
Welcome, welcome, brand new members,
Glad you bought the party line.
Hurry, hurry, drink the Kool-Aid,
Everything will be just fine.

© Diane Tingen, 6/13/2011

CLING TO THE LIES - LDS Hymn Parody #12

My latest hymn parody and addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book is The Iron Rod, #274.

Of course, the words to the original hymn are uniquely Mormon in that they speak of Lehi's dream (and/or vision) from the Book of Mormon.  See 1 Nephi, Chapter 8.


In 1 Nephi 8:2, it says:

And it came to pass that while my father tarried in the wilderness he spake unto us, saying: Behold, I have dreamed a dream; or, in other words, I have seen a vision.

In that dream and/or vision, Lehi saw "a rod of iron, a strait and narrow path, and the mists of darkness that enshroud men" (taken from the description at the beginning of 1 Nephi, Chapter 8).  As the original hymn says, the iron rod is the Word of  God, and "holding fast to the iron rod" means staying firmly and steadfastly on the path that leads to Eternal Life.

Naturally, the Iron Rod has become somewhat of a "catch phrase" in Mormonism.  IMO, creating those types of easily identifiable phrases is a way of grabbing people and capturing their minds.  And Joseph Smith seemed to have been very good at that methodology.  He created a web that snags people and keeps them from thinking on their own, just going along with what they are told.  It's not until they gain the ability to actually think for themselves, on their own, that they gain the strength to actually leave and start living an authentic life.

So here is my hymn parody of The Iron Rod, #274.  Interestingly, I got the idea of "revising" this hymn from a comment someone made on Facebook - but the version suggested by that person is for a different venue, one more erotic in nature... if you get my drift...

CLING TO THE LIES
Sung to the tune of The Iron Rod, #274

To Mormons who believe the lies,
It simply blows my mind.
How can you buy it down the line?
I know that you’re not blind.

(Chorus)

Cling to the lies, the blatant lies,
And you won’t see what’s true.
The blatant lies will be your demise,
Deceit has a hold on you.

Deception laced throughout it all,
It’s very clear to see.
But if you simply close your eyes,
Then just a sheep you’ll be.

(Chorus)

Cling to the lies, the blatant lies,
And you won’t see what’s true.
The blatant lies will be your demise,
Deceit has a hold on you.

Just question all of what they say,
And research on your own.
Please don’t accept it mindlessly,
Don’t be a Mormon clone.

(Chorus)

Run from the lies, the blatant lies,
Please look  for what is true.
The blatant lies are no surprise
When truth is brought into view.

© Diane Tingen, 6/9/2011

Depiction of Lehi's Dream from Book of Mormon
(1 Nephi, Chapter 8)

CALLED TO DUPE - LDS Hymn Parody #11

Still pursuing my quest for adding to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book... and in that vein, I was looking through the LDS Hymn Book and came across Called to Serve, #249.  Of course, this hymn is essentially an anthem for missionary work, for spreading the gospel of Mormonism far and wide, to the ends of the earth. Although I used to admire Mormon missionaries who at 19 years of age give up two years of their lives to teach the gospel, now I look on these poor young men as victims of a religion that is spreading lies and deception.

An extremely sad part of that scenario is the fact that so many of these young men do not want to go on missions but are forced into going by their parents who "expect" them to go, and by a Mormon community that will be less than understanding if they choose not to go.  Naturally, many of them give in and go on missions to keep their parents happy and to avoid suffering the consequences that they know full-well will be heaped upon them throughout their lives.  For a religion that supposedly preaches Free Agency, no choice within Mormonism is actually an actual decision without consequences.

More and more, it seems that many young men are going on missions and discovering the truth behind the Mormon Curtain while they are in the mission field.  Many come home after their missions and leave the church because they have, for the first time, realized that Mormonism is laced with so many lies that it becomes apparent that it couldn't possibly be true.  Of course, this is what happens when anyone who really wants to know the truth actually researches on their own.  This is what happened to me, leading me away from the Mormon Church - and this is what happens to many others.

And so, here is my hymn parody of Called to Serve, #249.  My version is a tribute to all those who spread the lies and pull the wool over the eyes of their fellowmen, thereby perpetuating the ruse that Joseph Smith began in 1830 when he founded the Mormon Church.

CALLED TO DUPE

Sung to the tune of Called to Serve, #249

1.  Called to dupe them,
We must spread the message,
Chosen to perpetuate the lies.
Far and wide we tell of Mormonism,
But deceit we can’t disguise.

(Chorus)

Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel word.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.

2.  Called to con them,
Just like Prophet Joseph,
He created an enormous joke.
Snagging people, telling them malarkey,
Lies with every word he spoke.

(Chorus)

Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel turd.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.

3.  We believe it,
Why can’t all the others
Go along with everything we say?
Though they question, we must keep on hiding
All the lies in every way.

(Chorus)

Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel turd.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.

© Diane Tingen, 6/8/2011

Of course, the other thing that missionary work brings to mind for me right now is the Book of Mormon Musical which is now playing on Broadway...

 

Just looking at this picture showing it playing at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre just cracks me up!!  So awesome!!  And of course, the fact that is has gotten 14 Tony Award nominations, including Best Musical, is simply amazing!!  Maybe it will win.  I'm sure the suits in SLC would love that!!  We'll find out on Sunday, June 13...

I really want to go to New York City to see it!!

Definitely gotta plan a trip!!

DEAREST MORMONS, DON'T BELIEVE IT - LDS Hymn Parody #10

Here is another hymn parody.  This is the other one in response to the request I received from the great great granddaughter of John Menzies Macfarland (1833-1892) to parody hymns written by him.

This hymn parody highlights the fact that after completing my independent research, I came to the conclusion that Mormonism was simply created by Joseph Smith, and that none of it is actually true.  It was all made up by Joseph Smith from his imagination, plagiarization, and input from some others (like Sydney Ridgon).  I think it's possible that he saw it as a good way to make money and gain power over people.

Indeed, as the picture states, he was two-faced - presenting himself one way to the "Saints," and yet he was an entirely different person privately, and in reality.  Since history shows that Joseph Smith was a shyster, charlatan, swindler and con artist, with a history of treasure-seeking and at least 7 arrests, it isn't hard to imagine him as such. Of course, my opinion of his character is backed up by what I discovered about the origins of Mormonism, including the Book of Mormon, Book of Abraham, the practice of Polygamy and Polyandry, the truth behind the supposed martyrdom since Joseph Smith was actually a criminal and not a martyr at all, etc. (more on all of this in other places on this blog and in my book, also posted on this blog).  And unlike many Mormons, I do not buy the explanation ala Rough Stone Rolling that Joseph Smith as a Prophet but also a flawed man.  To me, these concepts are mutually exclusive.

My point in writing this hymn parody is my firm belief that it is completely inadvisable for people to believe things without doing their own independent research.  Simply believing what others tell you to believe is relegating all of your power to someone else, and giving up your own power completely.  I mean, would you buy a car without researching its history?  Without examine its tires, interior and body?  Without having a mechanic look under the hood?  Without having the engine checked out and analyzed?  No, you would carefully consider such an important purchase.  So why is the acceptance of a religion given less thought than the purchase of an automobile?  Blind faith.  It's one thing if there is no actual evidence for or against a religion, but when there is a mountain of evidence against its validity, then it's not faith anymore but rather denial.

DEAREST MORMONS, DON'T BELIEVE IT

Sung to the tune Dearest Children, God is Near You, #96

Dearest Mormons, don’t believe it,
Mormon doctrine is a myth.
Mormon scriptures were invented,
By a man named Joseph Smith.
He’s a shyster, he’s a shyster,
Please don’t put your trust in him.

Dearest Mormons, it’s malarkey,
None of it makes any sense.
It’s not true, that is apparent,
Deceptive swindle so immense.
It’s a rip-off, it’s a rip-off,
Don’t believe a word they say.

All the Mormons, true believers,
Just believe, don’t question it.
Just believe because they say so,
But that just isn’t wise, a bit.
Simply question, simply question,
Blind acceptance makes no sense.

Mormons, don’t you know it’s drivel?
What they tell you to accept.
Tell them reason and your judgment
In the background can’t be swept.
Please do research, please do research,
For the truth, just Google it.

© Diane Tingen, 6/7/2011

FAR, FAR AWAY - LDS Hymn Parody #9

Far, Far Away...

Of course, this phrase conjures up images of the movie Shrek (and its sequels) these days.

Far Far Away (as you probably know) is the land where Princess Fiona is from, and where her parents live, who are the King and Queen of Far Far Away.  Quite a transition from Far Far Away to the swamp, where she eventually goes to live with Shrek after they get married (and have cute little baby ogres). 

The theme of the Shrek movies, as I see it, is being true to yourself, the real you.  And that's what Princess Fiona did when she embraced her real self as the female ogre, falling in love and uniting with Shrek's male ogre.  And that is a very important life lesson - being true to yourself.

What great movies!!  True modern classics, IMO.

And then there is Star Wars.

"A Long Time Ago
In a Galaxy Far, Far Away..." 

Also great movies!!  And also, true modern classics (again, IMO).  And the fact that Princess Leia is a strong, competent woman in the original Star Wars trilogy is a definite plus.  As is Princess Fiona in the Shrek series.

But actually, the main reason this particular hymn came to mind for parodying is because I received a request from a woman on Facebook to "let my amazing creativity go to town" (and I have to thank her for such a great compliment) on two hymns that were written by her great great grandfather, John Menzies Macfarland (1833-1892).  The two hymns she mentioned in her comment were (1) Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains, #212; and (2) Dearest Children, God is Near You, #96.

So here is the first hymn parody... and I'll work on the other one next...

FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THE LIFE I ONCE KNEW
Sung to the tune of Far, Far Away on Judea’s Plains, #212

Far, far away from the life I once knew,
Opened my eyes and the truth came into view.
Mormon no more, Mormon no more,
Mormon no more, I have closed the door
On the lies they fed to me,
On the lies they fed to me.

For many years, I believed what they said,
But then I started to use my brain instead.

Mormon no more, Mormon no more,
Mormon no more, I have closed the door
On the lies they fed to me,
On the lies they fed to me.

Told to have faith when I started to doubt,

But as I struggled, I just wanted to shout

What a buffoon, what a buffoon,

What a buffoon, I must be a loon
To believe the lies they teach,
To believe the lies they teach.

Now I'm upset that I stayed for so long,
Not realizing the party line is wrong.
Mormon no more, Mormon no more,
Mormon no more, but I know the score,
It's not what it claims to be,
It's not what it claims to be.

© Diane Tingen, 6/6/2011

A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT - LDS Hymn Parody #8

After finishing the hymn parodies from my initially compiled "to do" list, I began perusing an alphabetical list; and the first one that caught my attention in the A's was A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29. When I was an active Mormon (TBM), I always loved this hymn, not only for its haunting melody and thoughtful words, but also for its history. Tale has it that John Taylor (who was arrested with Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum, but was then released on bail, had opted to stay in the jail with the "Prophet and Seer") sang this hymn in Carthage Jail, and so it has become almost an anthem for the (supposed) martyrdom of Joseph Smith. When finally discovering all the lies laced throughout Mormonism, though, this hymn lost its appeal for me. And since I visited Carthage Jail for the first time during the beginnings of my disaffection from the Mormon Church (in the summer of 2001), that experience was bittersweet for me then, especially since my then very TBM mother-in-law asked me to sing this hymn with a quartet outside Carthage Jail.

Carthage Jail


In writing my version below, I envision it as an anthem for all those who discover the truth but feel trapped inside the Mormon delusion - whether it be by age, family, situation or other circumstances. Looking back at my life, I realize that I started having doubts when I was a teenager even though I did not "discover" the things I speak of in this hymn parody until much later in my life. But as a teenager, I already had a lot of issues and questions. Growing up in the 60's, I was Mormon when Blacks could not hold the Priesthood, and that was a big issue for me. I never understood the reasoning behind what I considered to be blatant racism, and the explanations given to me seemed iffy at best (more on that in my book contained on this blog). Also, way back then, I had already started to realize that the Mormon Church is a male-dominated, male-oriented, double-standard type of religious organization that uses guilt as a weapon and expects everyone to be Cookie Cutter versions of each other. This was not a popular opinion back then, and I was very shy and self-conscious in those day so wasn't vocal about my private mindset.

Also, even though I didn't know the actual background of the practice of polygamy back then, it still bothered me that it had been practiced at all; and that, according to Mormon doctrine, it will be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom. This was not a pleasant thought for me, but I put it on my shelf with all of my other issues. And of course, the constant questions from people when they found out I was Mormon was a thorn in my side back then as well. You know, comments like "So how many mothers do you have?" among many others.

And of course, in the 70's, there was the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) with which to contend. This is when my opinions about feminism and equal rights began to solidify - and is probably the first period during which my father told me that my "liberal ideas were going to get me in trouble one day." I suppose if you consider the fact that I have left the Mormon Church and am now a full-blown ExMormon as "getting me into trouble," then he was right. Of course, I don't look at it like that. I see my transformation as an extremely positive event in my life.

But during my teenage years and on into my 20's and 30's, I believed the not-so-subliminal message that was given to me that if I felt that way, then it was my own fault - and that I just needed to have more faith, be more humble, pray more, study more, attend all of my Church meetings regularly, and all that. And if I did those things, then I would come to understand and accept everything about the church. I wish I had been more of an independent thinker back then and less concerned about what people would think of me if I doubted. Luckily, I finally arrived there albeit at a much more advanced stage of my life. But at least I arrived there - and that's what is important.

And so, here is my "revision" of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief...

A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT

Sung to the tune of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29

A poor bewildered girl of doubt,
More than confused by what she read.
She had been born in the Mormon Church,
But now, it simply filled her with dread.
She thought the church had come from God,
But now she feared it was a ruse.
And so she struggled with what to do,

She couldn’t think of any excuse.

Her Mom and Dad were TBM,
Believing all of it down the line.
And until now, she had no doubts,
Believed it, too, it was divine.
She always prayed and went to church,
Sacrament and Young Women, too.
And temple marriage was her goal,
Living life with an eternal view.

But as she looked at what she found,
It looked as though it was a myth.
What she had found was awful stuff

About the prophet Joseph Smith.
It said he married teenage girls,
And other women, he wed them, too.
It made her sick to think of this,
And she did not know what to do.

She thought of all that she’d been taught
About polygamy, way back when.
They said it started with Brigham Young,
She heard the story time and again.
He married widows, took care of them,
It all began on the journey West.
The orphaned children he did protect,
The picture painted, she was impressed.

But now that she had learned the truth,
That she’d been duped throughout the years,
Her soul was crushed, she felt betrayed,
Began to cry, and fought back the tears.
Why did they lie, not tell the truth?
Yes, Joseph Smith had lead the way.
Perpetuating all the lies,
Preserving them for modern day.

As she read the names of all his wives,
She counted them at 33.
What was the reason for all of that?
Perhaps he wanted them sexually?
11 women already wed
To living husbands with no divorce.
And 10 who were in their teenage years,

Which first wife Emma denied, of course.

And then there was the martyrdom,
When Joseph died in Carthage Jail.
But now, she knew the truth of this,
A criminal whose lies prevail.
A printing press destroyed by him,
Lamb to the slaughter is what he said,
He thought he was above the law,
A mob attacked, and he was dead.

Not only that, but there was more
Disturbing stuff from history.
Like Mormon scriptures, filled with lies,
The Book of Mormon, pure fantasy.
She thought about the golden plates
She sang about in Primary,
The Nephites and the Lamanites
Did not exist, so clear to see.

“It’s all a lie, right from the start,”
She said out loud though no one there.
She felt alone but could not express
How she was filled with such despair.

The more she thought, the more she knew
She must keep quiet for a while,
Not tell her parents or anyone,
Just go along with the perfect smile.

But as she pondered what all this meant,
She felt a burden lift from her.
And she knew no matter what was said,
It’s all deception, that’s for sure.
But though the truth would set her free,
She had to bide her time for now.
But when she finally turned 18,
Then to none of this would she kowtow.

© Diane Tingen, 6/5/2011

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH - LDS Hymn Parody #7

OK, with this addition to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book, I have completed my initial designated list.  What a sense of accomplishment!!  LOL.  Of course, that doesn't mean I'm done because I'm sure I will think of other Mormon hymns that need to be "revised" for parody purposes.

The hymn If You Could Hie to Kolob (#284) may seem a little obscure, but it is my feeling that it needs to be included because of its subject matter.  When I realized that Kolob is an imaginary place made up by Joseph Smith as he did his "translation" of the Egyptian papyri that became the Book of Abraham, this hymn began to have new significance for me.  After all, as I did my research on the origins of the Mormon Church, I quickly came to the conclusion that the whole thing was a product of Joseph Smith's imagination and plagiarization - and he was able to pass it off because of his "charisma."   The bottom line is that he was a shyster, con artist, charlatan, swindler, fake, etc., etc.  When I realized the reality of it all, it really upset me that I allowed myself to be taken in by this fake religion created by such a man.  A total fraud.  Rough Stone Rolling, my ass.

Very little is available in actual Mormon doctrinal discussions on Kolob - but here is a link to the scriptures from the Book of Abraham about this "imaginary" place (the BoA being the only place in "church doctrine" where Kolob is even mentioned).  Also, here is an interesting article from Wikipedia - and here is some information from MormonThink.com about the Book of Abraham and Kolob.

And below is my hymn parody of If You Could Hie to Kolob.  I've tried to include some of the verbiage from the original hymn, particularly toward the end, in order to maintain the over-all theme (for lack of a better word) of this hymn (and comparing the original to my version will make the satirization even more apparent).

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH

Sung to the tune of If You Could Hie To Kolob, #284

If you could hie to Utah
And the Mormons were not there,
No missionaries tracting,
No one on Temple Square.
Do you think that Salt Lake City
Would seem more comfortable
Without the Mormons preaching
Their doctrines and gospel?

Look at the “grand beginning”
When con man Joseph Smith
Made up his own religion,
Creating such a myth.
Methinks that Joseph tricked them,
Defrauding one and all,
Translating so-called scripture,
Unmitigated gall.

The works of Mormonism
Displayed so blatantly,
Trickery and deception
Are very plain to see.

There is no end to bullshit,
There is no end to crap,
There is no end to drivel,
It is a mindless trap.

There is no end to nonsense,
There is no end to tripe,
There is no end to hooey,
There is no end to hype,
There is no end to blather,
There is no end to bunk,
There is no end to hogwash,
It is a piece of junk.

There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.
There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.

© Diane Tingen, 6/3/2011

And just in case you were wondering...

Supposed location of "Kolob" per the Book of Abraham.

  

Facsimile 2 (found with the papyri used to "translate" the Book of Abraham), showing depiction of "Kolob" at Center (Image 1).

 

   

Center of Facsimile 2 (above), showing "Kolob" at Image 1.

Seriously, just how ridiculous is this whole thing?  Total bullshit.  Luckily, however, I am now...

SPEAKING OF SHEEP

When I was finishing up my hymn parodies about SHEEP (you know, Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd and Come, Come Ye Sheep), I came across some interesting images of SHEEP, and I just have to share them...


Mormonism Overload

Perhaps still a SHEEP, but with PERSONALITY

Well, at least one of the SHEEP isn't clueless...

DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE MORMONS - LDS Hymn Parody #6

Here's my latest hymn parody - Dear to the Heart of the Mormons (revised from Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, speaking of all the sheep out there).  With the completion of this hymn parody, I am checking off another one from my original list.  This is one of the hymns I mentioned last week when I began this project, and I think it is definitely apropos to be added to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

In fact, as I mentioned before, this hymn was one that used to crack up my best friend growing up (who is still very TBM, even now) and I when we were teenagers.  We used to burst into laughter when we were sitting together, singing it in Sacrament Meeting. 

I mean, this hymn (in its original form) is just so dramatic, and the words are so overdone and cheesy.  I really think my new version is a big improvement...

DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE MORMONS
Sung to the tune of Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, #221

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Dear are the sheep they entrap.
Held by the Kool-Aid they’re drinking,
And all the rest of the crap.
But to the anguish of Mormons,
Many are leaving the fold.

All the apostates and ExMos,
Finding the lies they withhold.

(Chorus)

Singling out all the Antis,
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Touting their lifestyle to all.
Claiming that the Word of Wisdom
Will help us all not to fall.
Saying Joe Smith was a Prophet,
Translating the Word of God.
But they don’t mention his history
Or that he was just a fraud.

(Chorus)

Condemning all of the “Antis,”
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

I was a part of the Mormons
For many years of my life.
I drank the Kool-Aid they offer,
I was an eternal wife.
But when I found the deception,
All of the lies that they tell,
Including the sordid history,
That’s when I bid them farewell.

(Chorus)

That’s when I joined the apostates,
Those who uncovered the lies.
Now unafraid to call bullshit,
Now less naïve and more wise.

© Diane Tingen, 6/2/2011

And one last word about Sheep...
ala Gary Larsen and his Far Side cartoon...

THE POWER OF CULTS - LDS Hymn Parody #5

After deciding on the title for this hymn parody (The Power of Cults), I realized that this one might turn out to be a little more difficult than the others.  But regardless of that possibility, I decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to be "intimidated" by the subject matter. 

When I was researching my way out of the Mormon Church, I began to realize that the church I had belonged to my entire life is actually a CULT.  Of course, I had heard it called that over the years, but I always responded very indignantly with, "Oh no, the Mormon Church is not a cult."  So to realize and come to the conclusion that it actually is a CULT was very upsetting to me. 

In doing my research on cults, I read the book by Steven Hassan entitled "Combatting Cult Mind Control."  I found this book to be fascinating as well as very enlightening.  This book helped to confirm my conclusions in recognizing that Mormon Church really is a CULT.  Also, when I visited the website http://www.cultwatch.org/, it became even more clear to me that the Mormon Church fits each description of a cult, right down the line.  Rather scary.

So without further ado, here is my latest addition to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book:

THE POWER OF CULTS
Sung to the tune of The Spirit of God, #2

The Power of Cults is a staggering problem,
The brainwashing process engaged in is strong.
As in most religions like in Mormonism,
The tactics they use are invasive and wrong.

(Chorus)

Like love-bombing, fear and stern intimidation,
Deception and lies are the name of the game.

Forbidden to do your own investigation,

Just close off your mind, believe what they claim.

It may make no sense, but that makes little difference,
Controlling your psyche, a method they use.
Resistance is futile, just maintain your silence.
But can’t this be classified mental abuse?

(Chorus)

With love-bombing, fear and stern intimidation,
Deception and lies are the name of the game.

Forbidden to do your own investigation,

Just close off your mind, believe what they claim.

The technique of high pressure selling is utilized,
For those who show interest, just MAKE them believe.
So hit them with bullshit until they are baptized,
And if luck should hold out, maybe they’ll be naïve.

(Chorus)

And then they will know the true danger of religions
That really are cults, it’s the name of the game.
In telling their lies, passing off made-up doctrines,
Deceiving the masses, but feeling no shame.

And so they control all the hyped information,
The members are busy, just don’t have the time
To question the issues or take any action,
As into a stupor they joyfully climb.

(Chorus)

And though we will shout that it just isn’t logical,
They’ll blindly hold on to whatever they’re told
By the Mormon Cult, and not anything will cancel
The faith that they cling to, much better than gold.

© Diane Tingen, 6/1/2011

So... as you may have noticed, I've been working my way through the list I made when I started this project.  I've now done 4 of the 6 that I had listed then (plus I Stand All Amazed, #193, which wasn't included in that list).  The ones remaining from that list (which are practically crying out to be satirized) are Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, #221; and If You Could Hie to Kolob, #284.

Of course, after I finish those, I'm sure I'll think of others that need "revision" for inclusion in the ExMormon Hymn Book.

Stay tuned...

TIME OUT!!!

I've been on TIME OUT from the Mormon Church for over 7 years now, but my fascination with "all things Mormon" is still very strong.  Mainly, though, what fascinates me is trying to answer the question of why people believe in it when it is so obvious to me that it is a pile of crap.  Believing in something by faith when there is nothing to actually substantiate it is one thing - but when there is so much evidence against Mormonism being true, it is not faith anymore, but rather denial.

My main question at this point, though, is why can I see the validity of that differentiation between blind faith and actual reason, but others who remain escounced in Mormonism can't... or won't.  But then, as I've heard said, "There are none so blind as those who will not see."  (Per a Google search, that idiom is paraphrased from the Old Testament of the Bible, Jeremiah 5:21 - "Hear now this, O foolish people, and without understanding; which have eyes, and see not; which have ears, and hear not.").  As far as I am concerned, this scripture includes all those who accept things at face value and dig no deeper.  Those who do not think for themselves.  Those who accept what they are told, blindly and without any real thought.

I don't see any indications that my interest is going to wane any time soon, but perhaps at some point, all of this won't be quite so fascinating to me.  Seeing younger people who have left the church being able to move on quicker than I have makes me yearn for that, but perhaps the reason I haven't "shed the skin" so quickly is because I spent 52 years in the Mormon Church and therefore it was very deeply engrained into my life and psyche.  Even though I began to question some things when I was a teenager, I still stuck with it for many more years until I (finally) began to research church history (prior to going on a Mormon Church History tour in July 2001).  That was the beginning of the end for me because I began to see how many lies are laced throughout Mormonism, and much of it I simply couldn't rationalize out.  As I studied more and more, I began to feel almost physically ill because I had based my entire life on what they told me I was supposed to believe - and how I was supposed to live. 

Of course, the Mormon Church uses a great deal of guilt to control the masses.  Are you praying enough?  Are you reading the scriptures enough?  Are you doing enough service?  Are you striving for perfection?  And, of course, since the answers to those questions is often No or Maybe Not, the guilt ends up pouring over a person to the point of saturation.  While I was Mormon, for those 52 years, I never felt like I was good enough... and the quandary of whether or not I was going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom was a constant struggle for me.  If I didn't make it there, then I would be denying myself an eternity of blessings, of being with my parents, of having a forever family.  And whose fault would that be?  Mine per Mormonism.  And I found it very debilitating to constantly feel that way.

For instance, I never liked (or understood) the temple ceremonies.  But of course, since I was basically given the message that if that was the case, it was my own fault, that source of guilt pervaded my consciousness.  And of course, when that sense of guilt invades your being, it can cause not only feelings of inadequacy but also deep depression.  During my years in Mormonism, there were many times when I struggled with depression.  But interestingly, since being on my TIME OUT, that has not been an issue for me at all.
 

Back to the temple.  For many years, I just figured that I wasn't worthy enough to understand the temple ceremonies.  Apparently, like "they" inferred, I wasn't righteous enough - but as I was told, if I prayed more, read the scriptures more, studied more, and just plain did more, then I would come to understand it.  But that never happened.  Of course, now I realize that the reason that never happened is because it never had anything to do with me.  The Mormon temple ceremonies were lifted from the Masons.  From what I've been able to discern, Joseph Smith apparently needed something seemingly awe-inspiring to take place with the temple walls, so he joined the Masons - and 7 weeks later introduced the very same ceremonies in the Nauvoo Temple.  How convenient.  Of course, since I am convinced that all of Mormonism is "made up," it's apparent that Joseph Smith was just doing more of what he had already done... and lots of people bought it, hook, line and sinker.

And of course, there are many other aspects to Mormonism that disturbed me for many years.  Like the Book of Abraham.  It has been proven not to be translated correctly per modern-day Egyptologists.  The papyri that Joseph Smith purportedly translated has been shown to simply be Egyptian funeral papers, and not the writings of Abraham from ancient times.  And yet Mormons continue to cling to its validity, continuing to hold it up as canonized scripture.  They rationalize it out by saying that scriptural things can't be reasoned or examined with earthly eyes, that only God knows the truth.  And God, they say, has revealed to them that not only is the Book of Abraham the word of God, but so is the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine & Covenants - and of course, the Bible, but only as far as it is translated correctly.  To me, it is now clear that Mormonism in its entirety was made up by Joseph Smith.  But TBMs still hold on to the ridiculous notion that it is all "true."


So why didn't I turn on my critical thinking skills prior to the Summer of 2001?  That question still haunts me, and probably will continue to do so for many more years to come.  It all is very clear to me now.  I have no doubt but that the Mormon Church is not true.  I have no doubt but that Mormonism was entirely made up by Joseph Smith and was perpetuated by others.  I have no doubt but that there are so many lies and deceptions laced through Mormonism that it is actually a pile of garbage.  What it came down to for me was that in order to continue to be a "good Mormon woman," I would have had to turn my back on all I had discovered against its validity, and simply buy the whole Mormon Party Line by faith.  And I simply couldn't do that.

Naturally, it took me a couple of years to actually leave the Mormon Church after discovering what I did about church history and the lies laced throughout Mormonism.  I kept thinking that perhaps I was missing something.  Perhaps (as they would have me think), I wasn't worthy enough to understand the whole thing.  I'm sure that's what TBMs all think of me now (including many of my TBM family members).  But that's okay.  I found the truth - the real truth.  Not the white-washed version of the truth as touted by Mormonism.  My discoveries about Mormonism are not a passing phase or a changeable opinion, but rather a fact.  And knowing that for certainty has made all the difference in my life.


So the TIME OUT from Mormonism I called for myself a little over 7 years ago still stands. 

I'm still on TIME OUT, and will be in that state for the rest of my life... and if there is an Afterlife, then to infinity and beyond...