Wednesday, June 8, 2011

CALLED TO DUPE - LDS Hymn Parody #11

Still pursuing my quest for adding to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book... and in that vein, I was looking through the LDS Hymn Book and came across Called to Serve, #249.  Of course, this hymn is essentially an anthem for missionary work, for spreading the gospel of Mormonism far and wide, to the ends of the earth. Although I used to admire Mormon missionaries who at 19 years of age give up two years of their lives to teach the gospel, now I look on these poor young men as victims of a religion that is spreading lies and deception.

An extremely sad part of that scenario is the fact that so many of these young men do not want to go on missions but are forced into going by their parents who "expect" them to go, and by a Mormon community that will be less than understanding if they choose not to go.  Naturally, many of them give in and go on missions to keep their parents happy and to avoid suffering the consequences that they know full-well will be heaped upon them throughout their lives.  For a religion that supposedly preaches Free Agency, no choice within Mormonism is actually an actual decision without consequences.

More and more, it seems that many young men are going on missions and discovering the truth behind the Mormon Curtain while they are in the mission field.  Many come home after their missions and leave the church because they have, for the first time, realized that Mormonism is laced with so many lies that it becomes apparent that it couldn't possibly be true.  Of course, this is what happens when anyone who really wants to know the truth actually researches on their own.  This is what happened to me, leading me away from the Mormon Church - and this is what happens to many others.

And so, here is my hymn parody of Called to Serve, #249.  My version is a tribute to all those who spread the lies and pull the wool over the eyes of their fellowmen, thereby perpetuating the ruse that Joseph Smith began in 1830 when he founded the Mormon Church.

CALLED TO DUPE
Sung to the tune of Called to Serve, #249

1.  Called to dupe them,
We must spread the message,
Chosen to perpetuate the lies.
Far and wide we tell of Mormonism,
But deceit we can’t disguise.


(Chorus)
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel word.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.


2.  Called to con them,
Just like Prophet Joseph,
He created an enormous joke.
Snagging people, telling them malarkey,
Lies with every word he spoke.


(Chorus)
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel turd.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.


3.  We believe it,
Why can’t all the others
Go along with everything we say?
Though they question, we must keep on hiding
All the lies in every way.


(Chorus)
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
As we spread the gospel turd.
Bullshit, give them bullshit,
Though we know that it’s absurd.
Stupid, it is stupid,
But they won’t expect a thing,
Yes, it’s asinine, but they’ll be clueless
To the crap we bring.


© Diane Tingen, 6/8/2011

Of course, the other thing that missionary work brings to mind for me right now is the Book of Mormon Musical which is now playing on Broadway...

 


Just looking at this picture showing it playing at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre just cracks me up!!  So awesome!!  And of course, the fact that is has gotten 14 Tony Award nominations, including Best Musical, is simply amazing!!  Maybe it will win.  I'm sure the suits in SLC would love that!!  We'll find out on Sunday, June 13...


I really want to go to New York City to see it!!


Definitely gotta plan a trip!!


6 comments:

Bearshoes said...

LOL, Love it!
I left the church 5 years ago, after being a member for 20 years.
I was mad for a long time. But now, it's nice to laugh about it and shake it off.
Thanks for the laughs.

Anonymous said...

I was supposed to go to a giant farewell with probably 500 people singing this last night.....but I did not :)

Anonymous said...

Why would Joseph Smith create such a lie and still continue on with it? If it wasn't true, why did he allow himself to be tarred and feathered? If it was a made-up story, why would he choose to preach it and show such strength even though he was killed in the end? If it was a lie, why would he allow his friends and family and HIMSELF to be tortured, beaten, spit upon, and torn up in such an awful way? Why didn't he, if it wasn't true, just drop the whole idea in the end? Make people like him like the rest of the world would have done? And if it's a lie, why did so many people join? Why not just his closest friends and families? Why millions? Why? Because: it IS true. Quite often when people have something great to share, it isn't believed. The world says it is so amazing that it can't be true and the people all believe the world. Except for the ones who really try, who really pray; why would the early members, including Joseph Smith, have kept going had it been a lie? It makes no sense; if you have the chance to win twenty million dollars but people say it's not real, it's fake, but it really is, are you going to give up, knowing that you could have gotten that twenty million dollars, or that celestial salvation, in the end? Would you give up your chance on twenty million just because people discourage you? Or would you work at it and keep going until you HAVE twenty million? Think on that. Because it is true. And the reason people keep going through all the trials and tribulations brought upon them by the world is because they have found something great. It's because they've found something amazing, astounding, something worth sharing. Once you got your twenty million, wouldn't you share the chance with your family members, friends? Wouldn't you want them to be just as happy as you are? But the reward of celestial salvation is MUCH more than twenty million; it's more than anyone could even comprehend on their own. The things that He has in store for us are amazing, are truly astounding, are way greater than any trials or tribulations could ever overcome. Why shouldn't we share it with people? Why shouldn't we want our family members and friends, everyone, be as happy as we are? That's why we continue on. That's why we don't stop. That's why we don't and why we will never give up. That's the reason we are so happy. Because it is true and we know it. We know who we are. We know who we can become. We know what's in store and what we can gain. We know it. We know who we are. I know who I am. And I hope you do too; because if you decide to continue like this, you won't get your twenty million. Why would anyone give up that chance?

Anonymous said...

Delusional! Why did the terrorists fly the jets into the world trade towers? Just believe!

Diane Tingen said...

Dear Anonymous... please read my open letter to you posted yesterday. Whether or not I'm delusional is open for discussion, but if you keep posting anonymously, I'll never be able to discuss any of this with you. But then, maybe that's why you're posting anonymously... so you don't have to discuss it and can just post random comments.

Matt Renner said...

Love what you are doing I went on a mission for them and was a member for 10 years. I am a guitarist and wasn't allowed to have one in montana and JOSEPH SMITH made up everything. Go visit Sandra Tanner. I have and I know the Temple stuff is Masonic for goodness sake. Lived in Utah for 2 years. Is is Bullshit.
Matt Renner