WHY THE DECEPTION? LDS Hymn Parody #47

Short and to the point.  Just like the original LDS hymn/children's song - at least in its length, but obviously not in its point.

WHY THE DECEPTION?
Sung to the tune of Keep the Commandments, #303

Why the deception?  Why the deception?
The lies are apparent, of this I am sure.
Look at the history, look at the history,
Ugly and sordid, Why the deception?
The lies are apparent for sure.

© Diane Tingen, 11/29/2011

DON'T ACCEPT IT - LDS Hymn Parody #32

Being led down the garden path is a very interesting (and descriptive) phrase.  In doing some research on its origin, I found the following two explanations for it:

First, from Cliche Web:

This may have its origin in the story of Adam and Eve in the Bible when Satan convinces them that it's okay to eat from the tree of knowledge. Obviously, they were deceived.

And second, from Wikitionary:

Verb

to lead someone down the garden path

(idiomatic) To deceive, hoodwink

'It was thought that the early origins of the idiom was founded on the tendency for one village to marry off their unsuccessful brides to unknowing bachelors. The superstition of the groom not being able to see his veiled bride until the marriage proclamation had been made was widely practiced. To that end the bride remained veiled throughout the ceremony. When the veil was lifted, the groom would learn that he had been married to a stranger. Many ceremonies took place in private gardens and as such the tendency to deceive with intent had evolved to the idiom of leading someone down the garden path.' 

Regardless of its origin, though, my strong feeling is that this phrase as it is used today (meaning misguided, misled and/or deceived) is very applicable to the Mormon Church in that they attempt to present a very different picture than what is true in reality.  For instance, when someone is "investigating" the church, taking the missionary lessons, there are many things that are never mentioned - such as the very sordid history of the church, the truth behind polygamy and polyandry, the way in which the Book of Mormon was supposedly translated, the actual facts surrounding what Mormons present as the religious martyrdom of its Founder and first Prophet Joseph Smith, the fact that there are at least 9 versions of the First Vision, the facts surrounding the Book of Abraham, etc., etc.  I won't go into detail about all of these matters here, but will refer you instead to the book I have written regarding my issues with Mormonism (which is included on this blog).

Although the Mormon Church paints an enticing picture of its religion, and holds itself out to be "the one and only true church on the face of the earth," the garden path of Mormonism is very definitely a dead-end street that is paved with lies, deception, and contradictions (IMO, of course).

And this is the theme of my latest hymn parody...

DON'T ACCEPT IT
Sung to the tune of Count Your Blessings, #241

When I was a Mormon, I believed it all,
Bought into each detail, whether big or small.
I was so compliant, never questioned it,
Till I finally saw what I could not admit.

(Chorus)

Don’t accept it all on what they say,
Don’t buy into all the games they play.
Don’t accept it, simply do the math,
Don’t just let them lead you down the garden path.

Mormonism’s founder, namely Joseph Smith,
Made up this religion, it’s just one big myth.
From the Book of Mormon to the D&C,
He created scriptures, it’s so plain to see.

(Chorus)

Don’t accept it all on what they say,
Don’t buy into all the games they play.
Don’t accept it, simply do the math,
Don’t just let them lead you down the garden path.

From the phony doctrines to the history,
Mormonism’s not what it purports to be.
So when I began to research on my own,
It began to seem just like the Twilight Zone.

(Chorus)

Mormonism is a web of lies,
True religion is its fake disguise.
Mormonism, don’t be taken in,
There’s deception underneath the lies they spin.

It is so apparent if you study it,
Just like it unraveled for me, bit by bit,
Look at every element objectively,
And you will be shocked by all the lies you see.

(Chorus)

Mormonism is a total fraud,
Many lies behind its slick façade.
Mormonism, quickly run away,
Don’t accept a single word of what they say.

© Diane Tingen, 7/20/2011

DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE MORMONS - LDS Hymn Parody #6

Here's my latest hymn parody - Dear to the Heart of the Mormons (revised from Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, speaking of all the sheep out there).  With the completion of this hymn parody, I am checking off another one from my original list.  This is one of the hymns I mentioned last week when I began this project, and I think it is definitely apropos to be added to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

In fact, as I mentioned before, this hymn was one that used to crack up my best friend growing up (who is still very TBM, even now) and I when we were teenagers.  We used to burst into laughter when we were sitting together, singing it in Sacrament Meeting. 

I mean, this hymn (in its original form) is just so dramatic, and the words are so overdone and cheesy.  I really think my new version is a big improvement...

DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE MORMONS
Sung to the tune of Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, #221

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Dear are the sheep they entrap.
Held by the Kool-Aid they’re drinking,
And all the rest of the crap.
But to the anguish of Mormons,
Many are leaving the fold.

All the apostates and ExMos,
Finding the lies they withhold.

(Chorus)

Singling out all the Antis,
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Touting their lifestyle to all.
Claiming that the Word of Wisdom
Will help us all not to fall.
Saying Joe Smith was a Prophet,
Translating the Word of God.
But they don’t mention his history
Or that he was just a fraud.

(Chorus)

Condemning all of the “Antis,”
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

I was a part of the Mormons
For many years of my life.
I drank the Kool-Aid they offer,
I was an eternal wife.
But when I found the deception,
All of the lies that they tell,
Including the sordid history,
That’s when I bid them farewell.

(Chorus)

That’s when I joined the apostates,
Those who uncovered the lies.
Now unafraid to call bullshit,
Now less naïve and more wise.

© Diane Tingen, 6/2/2011

And one last word about Sheep...
ala Gary Larsen and his Far Side cartoon...

OH, HOW STUPID IS THE STORY - LDS Hymn Parody #3

Well, I've realized something... or rather, something has been confirmed.  And that is that I have a one-track mind, and am more than just a little OCD.  Once I start a project, I can't seem to put it down until it's finished.  Of course, I already knew this.  That has been the story of my life.  It's like when I began to discover that Mormonism is actually a fraud created by a con artist named Joseph Smith.  Bit by bit, I uncovered the pieces to the puzzle, and I couldn't stop until the entire puzzle was put together and framed. 

So it's really no surprise to me that after finishing one of these hymn parodies, my mind starts churning out another one.  Here is my latest addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book.

OH, HOW STUPID IS THE STORY

Sung to the tune of Joseph Smith’s First Prayer, #26

(formerly Oh, How Lovely was the Morning)

Oh, how stupid is the story
That they want me to believe.
And although I used to buy it,
I am no longer that naïve.
When I read about the history,
I could see how they deceive.
When I read about the history,
I could see how they deceive.

Being born and raised a Mormon,
I believed what I was told.
And I had a testimony,
Like about the plates of gold.
But confusion made me struggle
Till I saw it all unfold.
But confusion made me struggle
Till I saw it all unfold.

And the moment that it hit me,
I began to see the light,
And I knew with all my being
That the whole thing just wasn’t right.
I’d been duped, and I was livid,
I could feel my rage ignite.
I’d been duped, and I was livid,
I could feel my rage ignite.

Since escaping Mormonism,
And the messages they sent,
It’s so great without the feeling
That I’ve sinned and must repent.
Without always feeling guilty,
And the endless pure torment.
Without always feeling guilty,
And the endless pure torment.

Looking back, I still am livid,
7 years have come and gone.
But my interest in the quandary
Seems to linger on and on.
And perhaps the fascination
Will one day become a yawn,
And perhaps the fascination
Will one day become a yawn.

© Diane Tingen, 5/27/2011

Since the above hymn parody is based on Joseph Smith's First Prayer, Hymn #26 (fka "Oh, How Lovely Was the Morning"), I thought it was appropriate to include a couple of pictures of this "great event."  Of course, since there are at least 9 versions of the First Vision, the likelihood of it actually having happened are, in my opinion, slim to none.

This is a rendering of Joseph Smith walking in the Sacred Grove, presumably prior to receiving the First Vision.

And here is a picture depicting the actual First Vision... or rather, the 9th version of the First Vision, which is the "official" one used by the Mormon Church today.

What a bunch of malarkey.

TRUTH DEFINED

When I think of the word “truth,” it reminds me of a great line from the movie “A Few Good Men” as spoken by Jack Nicholson’s character.  When put on the witness stand and told (by Tom Cruise’s character) that he wants the truth, he exclaimed, “You can’t handle the truth.”  To me, that is a profound statement – and when examined in a broader sense, it seems that many people can’t handle the actual truth, preferring to live in fantasy worlds, created to protect their own version of truth and reality.

Of course, part of my fascination with "the truth" these days has to do with my discovery of so many lies perpetuated by the Mormon Church over the years.  For a religious organization that professes to highly value truth, honesty and integrity, it amazes me how fast and loose they play with actual truth.  The fact is that the Mormon Church not only lies about its history, teachings and doctrine, but it also lies through the omission of facts, distorting the total picture to suit their purposes.  After discovering this, I decided that I could not continue to associate myself with such an organization - one that professes to believe in Christ, calling itself a Christian religion, and yet lying and covering up certain things on a constant basis to protect its image.

I guess some people are not bothered by lies and deception.  After all, some active members of the Mormon Church have told me that they know "the real truth" behind the history of the Mormon Church, including its obvious problems, and also the many contradictions within its doctrine.  To me, discovering the lies and deception was a deal-breaker.  To me, that is not Christianity, but rather insanity.  Perhaps the inability to overlook lies in order to continue to believe in a religion is a character flaw of mine?  No, expecting that a religious organization will tell me the truth is a fundamental principle.  Otherwise, how can they profess to value the very principles they are very obviously mocking through deceit?

“The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth, so help me God."  This is the oath made in court before a witness is due to testify or give evidence, and it is usually sworn on a Bible with the right arm raised to a square.  Very ominous stuff.  The idea is that, once the witness has taken this oath, they must tell the truth or be charged with perjury (and there is also, of course, the underlying threat that the person will be struck down by the wrath of God if he/she does not speak “the truth”).  Looking at the phrase, a question was raised in my mind as to why the wording of the phrase is so long.  One would think that by saying "the truth," the additional of "the whole truth" and "nothing but the truth" is essentially redundant.  But in fact, after doing a little research, I've realized that there are probably several reasons for including the additional verbiage.

For one, the repetitive wording is most likely for emphasis, to convey the importance of the matter.  Rather than simply saying “I swear to tell the truth,” the witness has to say that they will tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” – and in that way, the repetition adds more weight and credence to the oath in the eyes of those testifying. 

Also, in actuality, the phrases “the truth,” “the whole truth” and “nothing but the truth” refer to different aspects of the truth, which means that they are not redundant and not just for show or emphasis.  Clearly, "the truth" is very simply the correct information as far as a person is aware.  However, "the whole truth" is different to this because although “the correct information” is still being elicited, adding the word "whole" means that nothing must be omitted.

Finally, "nothing but the truth" refers to opinion based on truth (which may not be well-informed enough) and assumption based on truth (which may not be correct).  Assuming that something happened based on limited information is not fact.  Hearsay falls into this category – and although someone may tell a person that something happened, since that person did not see it happen, they cannot state it as fact.  Regardless of whether the assumption is accurate or not, it is simply not fact.

Yes, I want THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, no matter what the consequences may be.  To me, anything less than absolute truth is an insult to my intelligence.  As I've heard said, "Don't sugarcoat it... give it to me straight."  Bottom line -- don't hedge, bob and weave... don't do a soft-shoe for me... just tell me the truth.