ONWARD, ALL EX MORMONS - LDS Hymn Parody #21

Even though I left the church a little over 7 years ago, it took me several years after that to begin to become vocal about my disaffection from Mormonism.  In fact, I didn't even visit any ExMormon type of websites until late 2008 - and I left the church in 2004.  Looking back at that time frame, I now realize that I could have benefited from the insights of others who had left the church - and not felt so alone in my disaffection.  But I also realize that the reason I did not go on those types of websites back then was because I thought the people there were "angry apostate" types, and weren't necessarily telling the real truth about Mormon history, teachings or doctrine - and since I was conditioned in all my years as a Mormon to avoid those types of situations, I held onto that mindset even after leaving Mormonism.  You know, the whole "Anti-Mormon Propaganda" spiel.  After all, the programming runs deep - and the brainwashing is difficult to counteract.

The first time I ever went on ExMormon.org (and the Recovery from Mormonism discussion board) was in December 2008.  I had gone to my brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and after dinner he wanted to show me all the genealogy he had submitted to the Mormon Church's genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/.  Our mother had done a lot of genealogy before her death in 1977 (going back into the 1100's or so), and after her death my brother took it over and did quite a bit more, going back even further.  Of course, with the advent of the internet, he eventually submitted all that both he and my mother had done, and he was very proud of his accomplishments.  It was quite interesting to see how far back he had gotten some of our lines, and the fact that our ancestral lines include Dutch, English, French and Swedish blood.  Also, included in our ancestors are Princess Diana and some other royal blood, which I also found interesting.

In the process of showing me our genealogy on the Mormon Church's genealogy website,  http://www.familysearch.org/, he taught me how to find my way around it.  So a couple of weeks later, I decided to go back on the website and look at Joseph Smith's pedigree chart.  Of course, I had already done quite a bit of research about Joseph Smith and knew about his polygamous ways (as well as the fact that at the time of his death, he was married to 33 women).  In fact, issues related to Polygamy had always bothered me, and during my research, I had discovered some of the truth behind Polygamy, including the fact that Joseph Smith had married 10 teenage girls (including one as young as 14 named Helen Mar Kimball) and the fact that he lied about the practice of polygamy numerous times.  In fact, one of my favorite quotes of Joseph Smith is this one: 

"...What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one. I am the same man, and as innocent as I was fourteen years ago; and I can prove them all perjurers." (History of the Church, vol 6, p. 411) 

This statement was made by Joseph Smith as he was preaching from the stand in Nauvoo on Sunday, May 26, 1844.  This was a month before his death - and at that time, Joseph Smith had 33 plural wives.

Was it okay for him to lie about his practice of polygamy?  No, it wasn't.  In fact, on June 8, 1844, when the Nauvoo Expositor newspaper was printed and distributed, and the story ran publicly exposing the truth about Joseph Smith's practice of polygamy, was it okay for Joseph Smith to order the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed?  No, definitely not.  Those acts are why he was arrested and why he was incarcerated in Carthage Jail, where he was killed by gunshot from a mob on June 27, 1844.  Of course, when I discovered this, I realized that Joseph Smith was not a martyr, but rather a criminal.  For him to be "praised" and held out as a martyr by the Mormon Church is extremely deceptive.

And after polygamy was outlawed and the Manifesto was issued in 1890, was it okay for other Mormon prophets and apostles to lie about their involvement in polygamy?  No, definitely not.  They agreed to stop polygamy in order for Utah to become a state, but history shows that they continued to practice it until at least 1910.  And when they were questioned about it, they simply lied. 

When I began to look around this genealogy website (created and operated by the Mormon Church), I saw all the women's names who had married Joseph Smith.  Several of the names had links - and when I drilled down below these names, I discovered that they were married to other men when they married Joseph Smith.  This was the beginnings of my discovery of Polyandry, and that aspect of the practice of Polygamy truly stunned me.  Truly, I was flabbergasted, not only due to my discovery of this, but again, because I had never in all my years as a Mormon, heard anything about Polyandry before.  This aspect of my research is discussed in great detail in the book I have written, which is found on this blog.

It was after that when I first went on http://www.exmormon.org/ - and I was guided there by a Google search which included a link to an article on Polyandry written by Bob McCue.  This article was a huge revelation for me, and although I had already left the church due to my many other issues, the information about Polyandry was an additional eye-opener in my disaffection from the Mormon Church.  To think that I was a member of the Mormon Church for 52 years and never knew about Joseph Smith marrying women who were already married to living husbands is mind-boggling to me.  But of course, the reason I didn't know is because the Mormon Church tries very hard to cover up this kind of information.  They say they don't hide it, that the history has always been open to whoever wants to know about it, but the reality is that the majority of members of the Mormon Church do not know about the details of most of what happened in the beginnings of Mormonism because they just don't talk about it.  And usually when they do hear about it, they write it off as "Anti-Mormon Propaganda."

After my first time visiting the website http://www.exmormon.org/, I went on their discussion board - Recovery from Mormonism.  Over the next year or so, I spent a good amount of time reading and commenting on various threads.  Eventually, I found http://www.postmormon.org/ and regularly visited their discussion board as well.  That is where I found out about the annual ExMormon Foundation Conference, and I went to one last year for the first time (October 2010).  It was great meeting a lot of the people with whom I had been exchanging messages on the discussion boards, and I consider many of these people to now be my very good friends. 

After that, I was invited to join a couple of Facebook discussion groups, and I have met some other amazing people on there - Former Mormons, PostMormons, ExMormons, others who are questioning Mormonism, and still others who know for certain that the church is not true but are still going to church because of family pressures (sometimes called Shadow Mormons).  I have become very close "cyber-friends" with many of these people, and am planning on meeting many of them at the next ExMormon Foundation Conference in October 2011. 

 It has been quite a journey over the past 3 years.  Through it all, I have seen myself evolve from what I would consider a Former Mormon woman who kept quiet about what I had discovered, not having reached a point where I felt comfortable expressing my views, to a full-blown ExMormon who is very vocal about what I consider to be a destructive religious organization that deals very fast and loose with the truth.

And so, here is my latest hymn parody... a tribute to ExMormons everywhere...

ONWARD, ALL EXMORMONS

Sung to the tune of Onward, Christian Soldiers, #246

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
Blind belief no longer,
Finally got a clue,
And with all our knowledge,
We know it’s not true.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

With the many issues
Struggling as we did,
It was quite disturbing
To find what they hid.
History very sordid,
Teachings so bizarre,
Done with the denial,
We have come so far.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

Joseph Smith, a liar,
Con man all the way,
Charlatan and shyster,
Deception, his forte.
He was not a martyr,
As the Mormons say.
Just a phony Prophet
Feeding on his prey.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

There are many others
Still within the cult,
Trapped by their denial,
And as a result,
We must try to help them
Sort through all the lies,
Maybe through our efforts
Fraud they’ll recognize.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

© Diane Tingen, 6/23/2011

WHO IS THE MAN? - LDS Hymn Parody #2

Over the time that I've been writing poetry (and the occasional set of lyrics), I've discovered that when I start thinking about a particular topic in poetic terms, my brain just starts churning, and it doesn’t stop until whatever I’m writing is done.  Sometimes I think that's a curse because these thoughts tend to take over my brain, making it very difficult to do anything else.  Of course, having that happen makes me understand how many writers, musicians and other creative people tend to make their creativity the main focus of their lives, to the exclusion of a 9-to-5 job.  I would love to do that, too... but I like eating too much (that, and a roof over my head).

So here is my latest addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book.  I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before more twisted lyrics start popping into my brain...

WHO IS THE MAN?
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Man, #27

Who is the man who made up Mormonism?
His name was Joseph, and conning was his game.
He was a shyster beyond all description,
Fraudulent scams are his legacy and shame.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up all the lies.
Finally I saw through the maze he created,
So glad I finally have opened up my eyes.

Who is the man who bedded Fanny Alger,
Starting the con that polygamy would be?
Yes, that was Joseph, he said God’s commandment
Was that his wives should number 33.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up this big yarn.
Cover his ass was his main motivation
When Emma caught him with Fanny in the barn.

Who is the man who practiced Polyandry,
Married 11 of other men’s wives?
Joseph again, coercing all these women,
Plotting and planning as he messed with their lives.

Chorus:
Mormons now praise him, and call him a martyr,
Saying persecution is why he was killed.
But they won’t face that the truth is much different,
Simply a criminal, not as he is billed.

Who is the man who destroyed a printing press
When stories published exposed polygamy?
Yes, this was Joseph, he ordered the burning,
Nauvoo Expositor, demolished violently.

Chorus:
That is the reason that he was arrested,
That is the reason he was in Carthage Jail.
Armed with a shotgun when the mob attacked him.
So was he a martyr? No, that premise must fail.

Sadly, so much of the lies and deception
Will never dawn on most TBMs out there.
Instead, they buy what they’re told to believe in,
And anything “Anti” they’re told to beware.

Chorus:

Whatever happened to critical thinking?
Judge for yourself, and you’d see it’s all inane.
Evidence shows it’s just lies and deception,
It would be clear if you’d simply use your brain.

© Diane Tingen, 5/26/2011

Yes, sadly I bought into all this for a very long time... in fact, 52 years of my life.  Having been OUT for many years now, I feel lucky to have escaped the closed mindset that goes along with being Mormon.  After doing my own independent research, I discovered that it's actually a fraud perpetuated by Joseph Smith, and carried on by many others since his death.  Here's a few images to wrap up this new addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

Joseph Smith, Founder,Prophet and Seer of the Mormon Church.

Joseph Smith "reading" the gold plates, which he later "translated" into the Book of Mormon.

Joseph Smith, placing his head in a hat to "translate" the Book of Mormon.

Some crazy shit.

"SOME THINGS THAT ARE TRUE ARE NOT USEFUL"

This picture really says a lot to me.  On the left, of course, is a man who has uncovered the truth... but on the right is another man (presumably a "leadership" type ala Mormonism) quickly trying to shovel dirt back over the truth, saying "Some things that are true are not useful."  From what I have been able to find, this is a quote by Boyd K. Packer from a talk entitled "Do Not Spread Disease Germs!" (Brigham Young University Studies, Summer 1981).  In this talk, Boyd K. Packer went on to say, "I have come to believe that it is the tendency for many members of the Church who spend a great deal of time in academic research to begin to judge the Church, its doctrine, organization, and leadership, present and past, by the principles of their own profession.... In my mind it ought to be the other way around...."  Also, in that talk, he continued by saying, "Your objective should be that they will see the hand of the Lord in every hour and every moment of the Church from its beginning till now....there is no such thing as an accurate or objective history of the Church which ignores the Spirit.... Church history can be so interesting and so inspiring as to be a very powerful tool indeed for building faith. If not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer..."

To me, these statements from BKP's talk speak volumes about Mormon Church history.  For him to admit that studying Mormon Church history "may be a faith destroyer" is very telling.  Of course, he prefaces that statement by saying that if the history is "not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer," but of course the use of the word "properly" is subjective.  The standards by which he is defining the study of history are Mormon in nature.  Of course, human nature is to question things, to be curious, but Mormonism attempts to stifle those innate tendencies completely - and is very successful in doing so as far as many, many people are concerned.

On a blog entitled Not Very Useful Truth, I found the following statement:  "That I am totally enamored with the church now that my perspective has changed feels to many as if I am simply raging, but the reality is that the church is far more fascinating now that the sanitized and dogmatic presentation is transparent and the ugly warts are exposed.  The history is absorbing and feels so alive - there is so much more appeal in the complicated mess as opposed to the faith promoting spin the church sells.  It boggles my mind when I am told to put aside my interest in the real history and focus only on the positive when the "positive" is so often distilled to remove the impurities.  As I have said before, the real history is not a secret and becoming ever harder to hide for the curious and thoughtful member, but that history will feel like a slap in the face when stumbled upon in Google after being told something entirely different for years and years."

This statement brings up so much of what I have felt over the years since discovering the real history of the Mormon Church.  Finding out that I had been fed a white-washed and sanitized version of its history over the years definitely felt like a slap in the face.  My journey away from Mormonism began in 2001, and even though I was able to find certain things, I was still reticent to explore too far on the internet because of the programming and brainwashing imposed on me since childhood.  Was I looking at anti-Mormon propaganda?  Was I falling into a trap?  Was I believing information that wasn't true?  Was I looking at it all from the wrong perspective?  All of those questions, as well as many others, riddled my mind for a very long time.  That is why it took me over 3 years to finally disassociate myself from the Mormon Church completely.  I kept thinking that I must be misunderstanding it all - that I must be wrong because no one would lie like that.  Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), I came to the conclusion that what I was discovering was indeed the truth, and what I had believed since childhood was just a web of lies.

In fact, after being away from the church for over 3 years, I suddenly discovered Polyandry.  I had researched a lot about the truth behind Polygamy and was very distressed by its realities.  The fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives (when I didn't even realize that he had been involved in Polygamy, instead believing what I had been told about Brigham Young starting polygamy to help widows and orphans on the Trek West).  Fanny Alger, who was Joseph Smith's second wife and first polygamous wife (and the fact that Oliver Cowdery called Joseph Smith's liaison with her not Polygamy but a "dirty, filty, nasty affair").  Teenage brides (10 of them), including Helen Mar Kimball (14 years old) who was obviously coerced into marrying Joseph Smith by him telling her that if she married him, she would assure the eternal salvation of herself and her entire family (and was given 24 hours to give him her answer).  The stories of the Partridge sisters and the Lawrence sisters.  And on and on and on, ad nauseum.

So when I discovered the very disturbing fact that Joseph Smith had married 11 women who were already married to living husbands, I was dumbfounded.  It still upsets me that I spent 52 years in the Mormon Church and had never heard about polyandry.  But there was the evidence - right on the Mormon Church's own genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/.  Names like Lucinda Morgan Harris, Zina Huntington Jacobs, Prescendia Huntington Buell, Sylvia Sessions Lyon, Mary Rollins Lightner and others jumped out at me, and when I looked at their pedigree charts, I was blown away to discover that they had married Joseph Smith even though they were already married to other men - men who were living, who they had neither buried nor divorced.  How was this acceptable?  This was adultery, plain and simple.  Religiously condoned adultery.  Of course, it went against D&C 132 in its entirety, but it is obvious that Joseph Smith became so egotistical and comfortable in his position as a "Prophet of God," that he felt he could get away with anything.  And this practice of Polyandry is a prime example.

Of course, there were people who tried to go against Joseph Smith about Polygamy and Polyandry - including Oliver Cowdery and William Law, but they were promptly excommunicated for going against Joseph Smith as a "Prophet of God."  In fact, Joseph Smith's death was undeniably linked to Polygamy and Polyandry since it was after William Law had published the Nauvoo Expositor, exposing Joseph Smith's practice of Polygamy and Polyandry, and Joseph Smith ordering the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed, that he was arrested and placed in Carthage Jail.  So although I had grown up and spent my entire life believing what I had been told about Joseph Smith being a religious martyr, the truth is that he was simply a criminal - and that is why he was in Carthage Jail when the mob stormed the jail and killed both Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum.  Interestingly, I recently discovered that Joseph Smith actually had a gun during that shoot-out (that gun having been smuggled into the jail by Cyrus H. Wheelock who handed it to Joseph).  In all my years in the church, I had never heard that story.  But then, so much of what is told about the early days of the Mormon Church is mythical - just the "going like a lamb to the slaughter" line that is attributed to Joseph Smith as he was being taken to Carthage Jail, which is obviously completely untrue.

These are the types of things that the Mormon Church apparently sees as being "not useful truths."  They expect their members to simply accept their version of things and not question anything.  And if they do question, when they are given "the answer," they are supposed to accept it and not question anymore.  While I in essence did exactly that for a very long time, I finally got the point where I could no longer simply accept what I was being told.  I wish I had reached that point earlier in my life, but I'm very glad I finally reached it at all.  Sadly, there are many people in the Mormon Church who will never reach that point, who will blindly go along their entire lives, accepting everything they are told.  And that is very sad, indeed.

LEAVING? HOW CAN ANYONE STAY WHEN...

I was on Facebook earlier this week and saw a link to a website called http://www.dovesandserpents.org/, and in particular to a post entitled "Leaving."  After reading it, I couldn't help but think about why I left the Mormon Church, and in doing so, of course, I felt compelled to post a comment.

This was the comment I posted:

Yes, making the decision to leave is hard because Mormonism becomes so engrained in your psyche due to the brainwashing and programming that goes on. I was born and raised Mormon by two very TBM parents. I went through Primary, Young Women and 4 years of Seminary. I went to BYU for two years. I was married in the temple. I was active and believing for many, many years.

Then in July 2001, I went on a Mormon Church History Tour. Beforehand, I decided to do some research about church history so I would know more about the details when I visited the key places. Being born and raised Mormon, I had just gone along for so many years, believing what I was taught. But at the point, I felt like I needed to know about church history on my own in order to get as much as I could out of the trip. As it turned out, that was the beginning of the end for me as I began to discover all the lies, deceptions, cover-ups and contradictions behind Mormonism. In the process of my research, it became increasingly crystal clear to me that Joseph Smith made the whole thing up — and because of his charisma and con-artist background, he was able to get a lot of people to believe and go along. How can anything good come from something that is built on lies? And so many lies. The differing versions of the First Vision and the fact that the “official” version wasn’t even written down until 1838, which was 18 years after the vision supposedly took place, and at a time when the church was losing many members due to the excommunications of Oliver Cowdery and the Whitmer brothers for opposing Joseph Smith on his practice of polygamy (so the First Vision was “beefed up” to say that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ whereas previously he had only said that he had seen “heavenly personages”)… the truth behind polygamy, the name Fanny Alger, and the fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives including 11 teenage brides, in many cases behind Emma’s back and without her knowledge and/or consent (which goes against what D&C 132 outlines)… the truth behind the supposed “martyrdom of Joseph Smith” and why he was really in Carthage Jail since in reality he was not a martyr but simply a criminal having ordered the destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor (and the burning of the building in which it was housed) after William Law and some others published a story exposing Joseph Smith’s practice of polygamy… the fact that Joseph Smith had a gun in Carthage and fired shots defending himself… the truth behind the Kirtland Bank, the financial fiasco including charges of counterfeiting, etc, etc…

Discovering all of this really shook my faith, so much so that when I got home from the trip, I decided to continue my research. That is when I discovered the truth behind the Book of Abraham and the fact that the papyri were simply Egyptian funeral scrolls and Joseph Smith’s “translation” of them was bogus… the truth behind the Book of Mormon, the anachronisms, and the strong possibility that the entire book was plagiarized, most likely from writings of Solomon Spaulding… the truth behind Blacks and the Priesthood, and the very real possibility that when the Blacks were given the Priesthood in 1978, it was because the Mormon Church was being threatened with getting their tax-exempt status taken away (as was the case with Bob Jones University, which did indeed get their tax-exempt status taken away in 1980 due to their discriminatory dating policy).

Because of all this, I finally came to the conclusion that I had to disassociate myself from the Mormon Church. At that point, I couldn’t fathom staying in a religion that plays so fast and loose with the truth.

Interestingly, it wasn’t until after I had already left that I discovered the practice of polyandry and the fact that Joseph Smith married 10 women who were already married to living husbands. This is in essence religiously-condoned adultery, and even went against D&C 132 in its entirety. What gave Joseph Smith the right to marry other men’s wives? What gave him the right to commit adultery in the first place? It all boils down to the fact that he was out of control and thought he could get away with anything. 

I have never regretted my decision to leave the Mormon Church – and I have a very hard time understanding how anyone who knows these things could possibly stay.
_______________________________

So that was my post.  It's all so clear to me.  As far as I am concerned, the bottom line is THE TRUTH.  And it really pisses me off when people lie to me. 

ROOTS OF MORMONISM - ANOTHER POEM

Every once in a while, I have poems basically POP into my head... and that is the case with this one...

ROOTS OF MORMONISM

Con artist, shyster, manipulator,
Charlatan, swindler, compulsive liar.
Making things up, deceiving the masses,
Creating doctrine through many ruses.
Proclaiming to be a Prophet of God,
But in reality, an enormous fraud.
Pretending to translate ancient language,
But plagiarizing nearly every passage.

And what Joseph didn’t plagiarize,
He just made up, there is no disguise
For what he did, very clear to see
If you look at it all objectively
Without the Mormon rose-colored glasses
That shade everything, making the dogmas
Seem logical when they make no sense,
Gobbledygook for which there’s no defense.

Marrying women already married
To living husbands, not ones they buried
Or even divorced, just adultery,
Not adhering to any moral boundary.
Coercing teenage girls into marriage,
Using them, clearly taking advantage
Of their innocence and need to believe,
Knowing they were pliable and naïve.

Carrying many things to the extreme
As part of his diabolical scheme
To dupe the people who listened to him,
Not afraid to go way out on a limb
And profess to translate some golden plates
Into the Book of Mormon, which relates
To the Lamanites, they boldly insist,
But DNA shows they didn’t exist.

And the list goes on, his plan was complete,
With scriptural references replete.
Inventing the Doctrine & Covenants,
Revelations from God, spiritual moments,
Captured on paper for all to absorb,
Modern day communication with the Lord.
And so many bought it, right down the line,
Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer divine.

Being born and raised in Mormonism,
I used to believe, but now a schism
Has formed in my mind and I’ve seen the light,
So obvious this simply isn’t right.
On so many levels, it’s just a scam,
A gigantic hoax, swindle and flimflam
Created by a crook named Joseph Smith
With others perpetuating the myth.

One day, I pray the truth will be clear
To Mormons who to the fraud adhere,
Believing in a religion that’s bogus,
Relying on the Mormon compass
To guide their every move and every thought,
Not even realizing they are caught
In a web of lies where deceptions abound,
Wanting them to feel the peace I have found.

As the scriptures say, the truth shall make you free,
And that’s what I hope for them eventually.

© Diane Tingen, 2/1/2011

A MIND CLOSED BY BELIEF

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief."  Gerry Spence ("How to Argue and Win Every Time")

What a great quote.  Very thought provoking.  Of course, as an ExMormon, it brings up a slew of thoughts about the many ridiculous things I was told to believe "by faith" over my 52 years as a Mormon.  "Just believe."  In fact, that is what my very TBM father always told me when I was growing up and would ask him questions about certain doctrines taught by the Mormon Church - like Blacks being denied the Priesthood, differing versions of the First Vision, why polygamy and polyandry were okay, and other questionable Mormon teachings and doctrines.  When I questioned certain things about what the church teaches, if I didn't instantly accept what he would tell me, he would say, "Well, you better believe it because it's true."  Case closed. 

My father was very good at shutting me down - like when I would tell him I felt a certain way, and he would tell me, "Well, don't feel that way."  Very helpful.  As I got older, and I continued to question things, he told me that my "liberal thinking was going to get me into trouble one day."  I guess he was right - at least as far as TBMs are concerned.  Lucky for him, I didn't discover the real truth behind polygamy, or the fact that polyandry was also practiced by both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young as well as some others, until after my father passed away.  But then, because he was so pious and dogmatic about the whole thing, I never told him that I had left the church in 2004-2005, which was 2 years before he passed away at the age of 92.  And of course, I never told him that I had been excommunicated in 2002 because I knew what he would say (like I was going to HELL).  Since he passed away, I have thought about several conversations I wish I had undertaken with him before he was gone - but then again, as I said, he was very pious and dogmatic about Mormonism, so it probably wouldn't have done any good, and may have actually driven a wedge between us.   

To my detriment, when I was younger I never carried my questioning far enough.  In the end, I always buckled under and tried to accept it all by faith.  I believed what "they" said, believing that the problem was me - that if I prayed more, studied the scriptures more, and was a better person, it would all become clear.  Yes, the problem was ME and not the ridiculous doctrines and teachings.  It amazes me now that I was able to "accept" it all for so long.  But then, I was truly a Mormon Slave, which is very typical of so many Mormons - and unfortunately, it was true of me as well for a very, very long time.

In the long run, though, I continued to question the advisability of simply accepting things by faith.  Was I really supposed to do that?  Even things that have been proven false?  No, to me, when all the facts contradict what you are being told to believe by faith, it's not faith anymore but rather denial.  People whose minds are "closed by belief" are prone to simply accept what they are told - without questioning and without thinking.  In my opinion, that is very dangerous because it closes a person's mind off to the possibility that what they're clinging to is actually false. 

I'm so glad I finally realized that very important concept - and continued my questioning by actually starting to think, research, and analyze what I discovered.  Otherwise, I would probably still be grasping at straws and burying my head in the sand, like so many Mormons do so well.  And being a Mormon Slave.

In this day and age of the internet, though, things have become much more accessible.  So to paraphase a popular "Mormon" scripture, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Google."