WHO IS THE MAN? - LDS Hymn Parody #2

Over the time that I've been writing poetry (and the occasional set of lyrics), I've discovered that when I start thinking about a particular topic in poetic terms, my brain just starts churning, and it doesn’t stop until whatever I’m writing is done.  Sometimes I think that's a curse because these thoughts tend to take over my brain, making it very difficult to do anything else.  Of course, having that happen makes me understand how many writers, musicians and other creative people tend to make their creativity the main focus of their lives, to the exclusion of a 9-to-5 job.  I would love to do that, too... but I like eating too much (that, and a roof over my head).

So here is my latest addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book.  I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before more twisted lyrics start popping into my brain...

WHO IS THE MAN?
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Man, #27

Who is the man who made up Mormonism?
His name was Joseph, and conning was his game.
He was a shyster beyond all description,
Fraudulent scams are his legacy and shame.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up all the lies.
Finally I saw through the maze he created,
So glad I finally have opened up my eyes.

Who is the man who bedded Fanny Alger,
Starting the con that polygamy would be?
Yes, that was Joseph, he said God’s commandment
Was that his wives should number 33.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up this big yarn.
Cover his ass was his main motivation
When Emma caught him with Fanny in the barn.

Who is the man who practiced Polyandry,
Married 11 of other men’s wives?
Joseph again, coercing all these women,
Plotting and planning as he messed with their lives.

Chorus:
Mormons now praise him, and call him a martyr,
Saying persecution is why he was killed.
But they won’t face that the truth is much different,
Simply a criminal, not as he is billed.

Who is the man who destroyed a printing press
When stories published exposed polygamy?
Yes, this was Joseph, he ordered the burning,
Nauvoo Expositor, demolished violently.

Chorus:
That is the reason that he was arrested,
That is the reason he was in Carthage Jail.
Armed with a shotgun when the mob attacked him.
So was he a martyr? No, that premise must fail.

Sadly, so much of the lies and deception
Will never dawn on most TBMs out there.
Instead, they buy what they’re told to believe in,
And anything “Anti” they’re told to beware.

Chorus:

Whatever happened to critical thinking?
Judge for yourself, and you’d see it’s all inane.
Evidence shows it’s just lies and deception,
It would be clear if you’d simply use your brain.

© Diane Tingen, 5/26/2011

Yes, sadly I bought into all this for a very long time... in fact, 52 years of my life.  Having been OUT for many years now, I feel lucky to have escaped the closed mindset that goes along with being Mormon.  After doing my own independent research, I discovered that it's actually a fraud perpetuated by Joseph Smith, and carried on by many others since his death.  Here's a few images to wrap up this new addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

Joseph Smith, Founder,Prophet and Seer of the Mormon Church.

Joseph Smith "reading" the gold plates, which he later "translated" into the Book of Mormon.

Joseph Smith, placing his head in a hat to "translate" the Book of Mormon.

Some crazy shit.