ONWARD, ALL EX MORMONS - LDS Hymn Parody #21

Even though I left the church a little over 7 years ago, it took me several years after that to begin to become vocal about my disaffection from Mormonism.  In fact, I didn't even visit any ExMormon type of websites until late 2008 - and I left the church in 2004.  Looking back at that time frame, I now realize that I could have benefited from the insights of others who had left the church - and not felt so alone in my disaffection.  But I also realize that the reason I did not go on those types of websites back then was because I thought the people there were "angry apostate" types, and weren't necessarily telling the real truth about Mormon history, teachings or doctrine - and since I was conditioned in all my years as a Mormon to avoid those types of situations, I held onto that mindset even after leaving Mormonism.  You know, the whole "Anti-Mormon Propaganda" spiel.  After all, the programming runs deep - and the brainwashing is difficult to counteract.

The first time I ever went on ExMormon.org (and the Recovery from Mormonism discussion board) was in December 2008.  I had gone to my brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and after dinner he wanted to show me all the genealogy he had submitted to the Mormon Church's genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/.  Our mother had done a lot of genealogy before her death in 1977 (going back into the 1100's or so), and after her death my brother took it over and did quite a bit more, going back even further.  Of course, with the advent of the internet, he eventually submitted all that both he and my mother had done, and he was very proud of his accomplishments.  It was quite interesting to see how far back he had gotten some of our lines, and the fact that our ancestral lines include Dutch, English, French and Swedish blood.  Also, included in our ancestors are Princess Diana and some other royal blood, which I also found interesting.

In the process of showing me our genealogy on the Mormon Church's genealogy website,  http://www.familysearch.org/, he taught me how to find my way around it.  So a couple of weeks later, I decided to go back on the website and look at Joseph Smith's pedigree chart.  Of course, I had already done quite a bit of research about Joseph Smith and knew about his polygamous ways (as well as the fact that at the time of his death, he was married to 33 women).  In fact, issues related to Polygamy had always bothered me, and during my research, I had discovered some of the truth behind Polygamy, including the fact that Joseph Smith had married 10 teenage girls (including one as young as 14 named Helen Mar Kimball) and the fact that he lied about the practice of polygamy numerous times.  In fact, one of my favorite quotes of Joseph Smith is this one: 

"...What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one. I am the same man, and as innocent as I was fourteen years ago; and I can prove them all perjurers." (History of the Church, vol 6, p. 411) 

This statement was made by Joseph Smith as he was preaching from the stand in Nauvoo on Sunday, May 26, 1844.  This was a month before his death - and at that time, Joseph Smith had 33 plural wives.

Was it okay for him to lie about his practice of polygamy?  No, it wasn't.  In fact, on June 8, 1844, when the Nauvoo Expositor newspaper was printed and distributed, and the story ran publicly exposing the truth about Joseph Smith's practice of polygamy, was it okay for Joseph Smith to order the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed?  No, definitely not.  Those acts are why he was arrested and why he was incarcerated in Carthage Jail, where he was killed by gunshot from a mob on June 27, 1844.  Of course, when I discovered this, I realized that Joseph Smith was not a martyr, but rather a criminal.  For him to be "praised" and held out as a martyr by the Mormon Church is extremely deceptive.

And after polygamy was outlawed and the Manifesto was issued in 1890, was it okay for other Mormon prophets and apostles to lie about their involvement in polygamy?  No, definitely not.  They agreed to stop polygamy in order for Utah to become a state, but history shows that they continued to practice it until at least 1910.  And when they were questioned about it, they simply lied. 

When I began to look around this genealogy website (created and operated by the Mormon Church), I saw all the women's names who had married Joseph Smith.  Several of the names had links - and when I drilled down below these names, I discovered that they were married to other men when they married Joseph Smith.  This was the beginnings of my discovery of Polyandry, and that aspect of the practice of Polygamy truly stunned me.  Truly, I was flabbergasted, not only due to my discovery of this, but again, because I had never in all my years as a Mormon, heard anything about Polyandry before.  This aspect of my research is discussed in great detail in the book I have written, which is found on this blog.

It was after that when I first went on http://www.exmormon.org/ - and I was guided there by a Google search which included a link to an article on Polyandry written by Bob McCue.  This article was a huge revelation for me, and although I had already left the church due to my many other issues, the information about Polyandry was an additional eye-opener in my disaffection from the Mormon Church.  To think that I was a member of the Mormon Church for 52 years and never knew about Joseph Smith marrying women who were already married to living husbands is mind-boggling to me.  But of course, the reason I didn't know is because the Mormon Church tries very hard to cover up this kind of information.  They say they don't hide it, that the history has always been open to whoever wants to know about it, but the reality is that the majority of members of the Mormon Church do not know about the details of most of what happened in the beginnings of Mormonism because they just don't talk about it.  And usually when they do hear about it, they write it off as "Anti-Mormon Propaganda."

After my first time visiting the website http://www.exmormon.org/, I went on their discussion board - Recovery from Mormonism.  Over the next year or so, I spent a good amount of time reading and commenting on various threads.  Eventually, I found http://www.postmormon.org/ and regularly visited their discussion board as well.  That is where I found out about the annual ExMormon Foundation Conference, and I went to one last year for the first time (October 2010).  It was great meeting a lot of the people with whom I had been exchanging messages on the discussion boards, and I consider many of these people to now be my very good friends. 

After that, I was invited to join a couple of Facebook discussion groups, and I have met some other amazing people on there - Former Mormons, PostMormons, ExMormons, others who are questioning Mormonism, and still others who know for certain that the church is not true but are still going to church because of family pressures (sometimes called Shadow Mormons).  I have become very close "cyber-friends" with many of these people, and am planning on meeting many of them at the next ExMormon Foundation Conference in October 2011. 

 It has been quite a journey over the past 3 years.  Through it all, I have seen myself evolve from what I would consider a Former Mormon woman who kept quiet about what I had discovered, not having reached a point where I felt comfortable expressing my views, to a full-blown ExMormon who is very vocal about what I consider to be a destructive religious organization that deals very fast and loose with the truth.

And so, here is my latest hymn parody... a tribute to ExMormons everywhere...

ONWARD, ALL EXMORMONS

Sung to the tune of Onward, Christian Soldiers, #246

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
Blind belief no longer,
Finally got a clue,
And with all our knowledge,
We know it’s not true.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

With the many issues
Struggling as we did,
It was quite disturbing
To find what they hid.
History very sordid,
Teachings so bizarre,
Done with the denial,
We have come so far.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

Joseph Smith, a liar,
Con man all the way,
Charlatan and shyster,
Deception, his forte.
He was not a martyr,
As the Mormons say.
Just a phony Prophet
Feeding on his prey.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

There are many others
Still within the cult,
Trapped by their denial,
And as a result,
We must try to help them
Sort through all the lies,
Maybe through our efforts
Fraud they’ll recognize.

(Chorus)

Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.

© Diane Tingen, 6/23/2011

RELIGION IS...

Recently, I discovered Google Images.   Yeah, I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes...

So anyway, I typed in "Religion" on Google Images, and got some interesting results. Of course, the image at the left is interesting all by itself. According to this Google search, religion is the opiate of the masses, bullshit, fake, islam, man made, a smile on a dog, a joke, the root of all evil, a lie... and apparently, religion is also like Paul Rudd.

Clicking on that entry, the first website that came up was named http://www.picchore.com/, where it says:

Google says religion is like... Paul Rudd?

In case you didn’t see it, I had a little fun with Google’s suggest tool and a number of the world’s religions. Well, perhaps “fun” isn’t the best way to describe it.  Actually, it was pretty much bullshit.

But one thing jumped out at me that I wanted to give its own special post; that is Google’s suggestion for what we collectively believe religion to be.

According to Google, we not only consider religion to be the “opiate of the masses” and “a smile on a dog”, but we also consider it to be like Paul Rudd.  And I assume Google is talking about the actor.

Could that be true?  Could religion really be like Paul Rudd?

******************************************************

Puzzling at first.  After all, what does Paul Rudd have to do with religion?  But as it turns out, this comparison came from the following quote ala the TV show, Community.

Shirley:  You think religion is stupid.

Jeff:  No, no.  to me, religion is like Paul Rudd.  I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.

These days, I tend to agree with Jeff (played by actor Joel McHale of "The Soup").

And as far as I am concerned, religion is all those things listed above, and much more.

Since leaving Mormonism, I have come to the conclusion that organized religion is all about money and power, i.e. controlling people to gain power over them so they will give lots and lots of their money to the specified religion.  In reality, shouldn't religion be about helping people be better versions of themselves?  But no, that concept seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. I think Abraham Lincoln had it right when he said, "When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad.  That's my religion."

But unfortunately, all the goodness that religion should actually create seems to have gone off in strange directions... 

 

What people do and say in the name of RELIGION is truly mind-boggling.  The gap between what is preached and what is practiced has created a very wide chasm, and it seems to be widening even more with each passing day. 

So it all comes back to brainwashing, blind faith, doing what you're told, and following along like sheep and/or zombies with no independent thought, no individuality, and certainly no questioning.  At least, this applies to Mormonism.  And as far as I can tell, it also seems to apply to organized religion in general.

IMO, a very sad commentary.

OFFENDED???

It never ceases to amaze me that so many Mormons think that the "primary reason" for people leaving the Mormon Church is because they have been "offended."  Of course, what they are talking about is someone hurting another person's feelings, as though that would cause a large number of people to toss off the promise of "eternal salvation" and create a mass apostasy.  Perhaps some people do leave because they were offended by something another member said or did, or something that a Bishop or Stake President said or did, but automatically lumping everyone into the same pile diminshes and minimizes the real reasons behind why people leave the Mormon Church.

Recently, I found a link to a very interesting website: http://www.exmormonchallenge.com

On the home page of this website, it says:

People leave the Mormon Church (and become ‘ExMormons’ or former Mormons) for lots of reasons:

• Some get offended by the words or actions of other Mormon Church members
• Some succumb to temptations and find themselves entangled in sin
• Some have doctrinal or historical concerns or questions
• And many other reasons

For each individual who has left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and become an ExMormon, there is an equally unique story.  Some join other Christian churches, some become agnostic, and many leave God and all religion completely behind.  While I certainly don’t claim to understand each of these paths, I know there is one who does–the Savior Jesus Christ.  The scriptures talk about how Jesus suffered each of our pains and afflictions, so that he could understood our personal situations, be filled with mercy and comfort us (Alma 7).  Through Him, we can learn to forgive those who may have offended us, we can seek and receive forgiveness of our sins, and find answers to even the most difficult questions of life.

And thus my invitation, my “challenge” if you will, to each and every ExMormon.  Take the path less traveled.  Come back.  We love you, we need you, we miss you.  There will be members of the Church there to welcome you back.  And more importantly, the Savior is waiting with open arms.
____________________________________

I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church.  This website goes so far as to say, "Through Him, we can learn to forgive those who may have offended us, we can seek and receive forgiveness of our sins, and find answers to even the most difficult questions of life."

I agree with what this says.  If someone has truly offended us, we can learn to forgive them.  But the fact is that when the offense comes from being lied to and deceived about the very origins of a religion, as well as its history and doctrine, there is no overcoming the "offense."  The "offended" explanation for apostasy simply seeks to whitewash and minimize the realities behind why people become ExMormons.


For instance, it offends me that as a Mormon, I could not voice an independent thought or opposing opinion without being worried that someone would ridicule or shun me - or worse yet that I would be accused of verging on APOSTASY, like when my very TBM father told me that my "liberal thinking was going to get me into trouble some day."

It offends me that I was basically taught to keep my opinions to myself (while being given the not-very-subtle message that they really didn't matter or mean that much).

It offends me that as a Mormon, I was told that "When the prophet speaks, the debate is over."  As if whatever thoughts and ideas I have are not important. Someone else more important needs to do my thinking for me.

It offends me that Boyd K. Packer thinks it's okay to say things like, "Some things that are true are not useful." Since when is truth not useful? In essence, he is telling everyone that lying is perfectly fine. But then, in essence that's what the Mormon Church tells everyone.

It offends me that I was relegated to a subservient role by a male-dominted, male-oriented religion that treats women as second class citizens and has a very definite double-standard.

It offends me that as a 22 year old girl, I went to the temple to receive my "endowments," and was subjected to such a ridiculous barage of Masonic images and rituals.

It offends me that I was told that the temple ceremonies were so "sacred" that they could not be discussed outside the walls of the temple, but when I tried to talk to anyone about them in the Celestial Room, I was shushed and rushed out by the temple workers.

It offends me when I read the Journal of Discourses and see what the early prophets in the church really thought of certain groups, like women and Blacks. 

It offends me that when I questioned as to why the Blacks were denied the priesthood, I was given such ridiculous explanations as their being "less valiant" in the pre-existent and/or that they were descendants of Cain who was cursed with a dark skin after killing Able (especially since that philosophy clearly contradicts the 2nd Article of Faith which says that men shall be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression).

It offends me that Blacks could not hold the priesthood until 1978 and that when they were finally given that right, it was said that the Lord had revealed this change, not that the Mormon Church had been threatened by the IRS with losing its tax-exempt status for discriminatory practices.

And I could go on and on...

Point-blank, Mormonism in its entirety offends me.

These are only a few of the things that offended me when I was a Mormon.  And I worked through them.  But I would have to be extremely shallow to leave the church over such a "personal offense."  And I'm a lot of things, but I'm not shallow.

IMO, the following post hits the nail on the head.

"You left because you were offended"
Post on ExMormon Forums by InsanaD, 1/20/2011

Oh how often we've heard this tired excuse. How often it's used to marginalize the one who finds credible fault with the inconsistencies and untruths in the LDS church and doctrine, and yet how far off the mark it often is. It's a low class tactic meant to suggest that the person that left just couldn't handle normal human relationships. It suggests that they misinterpret, are playing victim, and lack the courage to work things out in civil manners. It negates their core argument and turns the discussion to their personal weakness, percieved or real.

We hear these games taught from the pulpit from leaders at the very top of the LDS church. We hear the subsequent message given in a sort of whisper campaign like the ones Karl Rove instigated on Bush's rivals. The cumulative effect is to draw attention from the hard questions being asked and to zero in on the disaffected. A bandaid for a gushing head wound.

I've fallen prey to this game numerous times and I suspect my mother graduated Suma Cum Laude from the school of Passive Agressiveness. The twisted gyrations to turn attention away from the many difficult questions was frustrating and I always came out the bully, the loser, the negative nelly and nay sayer. But in the end regardless of how they saw me, I still had hard questions that weren't answered or were outright lied about.

If someone asks me why I left the LDS church I now say "YES, I left because I was offended!"

I left because I was offended. Really, my feelings were hurt.

One thing that genuinely offends me is when some arrogant entitled LDS person thinks that by lumping all those who leave the church into the "Offended/Sinner" category it absolves them from having to examine the vast wasteland of horrific offenses that the church has done to so many and permeates the culture and history of the church. If they can marginalize those that leave with such a blanket accusation it may offer them some comfort for their own ignorance and naive perspective but it does nothing to help bridge the chasm that exists between the disaffected and the devout.

I left because I was offended. I was offended at the doctrine, the leadership, the history, the culture, the oppression, the lies, the lies, the lies and more lies. I was offended at the corruption, the graft, the good ol' boys games, the misogynist sexual discrimination, the cruel way the culture extorts silence from dissenters, the ostricization, the manipulation and backward indoctrination of children, the group think mindset that dominates any sort of honest intellectual integrity. I was offended by the grey dull tedious repressive leaders. I was offended by so much that it would take volumes to write it all out. I left because I was offended. Lies offend me. I must be a big baby.

I will continue to be offended at the lies the church continues to tell and forces their devotees to swallow. If it comforts those who give their loyalty to such a corrupt organization as the LDS church to think that folks like me left because we were offended, then by all means, placate the passive aggressive game with such silliness. They sure as hell won't win friends and influence people but they can sit comfortably in their little home teaching room and congratulate themselves that they stayed loyal to a corrupt lying organization and are among folks who think just like them. They belong there.

Comment to this post - by Rainfather, 1/22/2011

I'm free to study anything I want to, without someone commenting, "You shouldn't be reading that stuff." Life is suddenly an exciting mystery. It's so much happier now without the dogma of any religious organization. I study so many different faiths now. When you do that, it really highlights how many different beliefs there are out there and how many there have been throughout history.

You live in such a tiny box when you live within Mormonism. Unfortunately, you don't see that until you're on the outside, looking back. That's when you see the box and everyone running around in it. You feel sorry for them and wish you could rescue them all. But at some point, you finally realize that they're happy in their little box and that they don't want to be rescued.

You simply rejoice for those who have made their way out, and many will.  Some of them find their way here, where we try to help them to heal their wounds (for those who are wounded). I'm at the point where I feel no need to work through the issues of the church anymore. I don't care about debating the issues. I have healed and moved on. I remain only to help those who are at the beginning of their journey out or are struggling.

As for being offended? Sure there are those who offended me. I'm lucky. There were only a few. But I never would have left because of them. I simply put them down as jerks and went about my business. The only reason I left was because I'd made the discovery that the church wasn't what it claimed to be, and I knew that with a 100% surety after a lot of study and research.
_____________________________________________

Ditto to what both InsanaD and Rainfather said in the above post and comment.  And the bolded part above is exactly why I left.  But when it comes down to it, yes, I was offended, very offended.  Not by any one person per se, but by lies, deception, cover-ups and contradictions perpetuated by the Mormon Church that are laced throughout both its history and doctrine.

Joseph Smith lied.  Period.  End of story.  Subsequent leaders have perpetuated those lies, and in many ways have enhanced them.  Latching on to the explanation for Joseph Smith's behavior as touted in the book "Rough Stone Rolling" is also perpetuating those lies.  And those members who ignore what is blatantly clear about the Mormon Church's history and doctrine are continuing to perpetuate those lies.  Really, since when is lying okay?  That quote by Boyd K. Packer really irritates me - "Some things that are true are not very useful."  Just ridiculous.

 

I can put up with a lot.  I'm a trooper, and I tend to "hang in there" until I'm holding on by nothing but a fingernail.  But one thing I can't tolerate is deceit and dishonesty.  Being lied to.  Especially by a religious organization that purports to value truth and honesty.  Just tell me the truth.  Is that too much to ask?

So when I am asked if the reason I left the Mormon Church was because I was offended, I will answer... "Yes, I was offended, and I am still offended by the lies, deceit, cover-ups and contradictions embodied within Mormonism and perpetuated by its 'prophet' and leaders.  Very offended."

BLOGGING...

When I saw this Doonesbury cartoon strip, I really laughed.  That kind of says it all, doesn't it?!!  And although it doesn't necessarily describe me (at least, I'd like to think it doesn't), I can certainly relate to its sentiments.

When I first created my blog, it was to post a book I have written about my Exit from Mormonism entitled, "Finding My Own Voice: A Former Mormon Woman's Journey of Self-Discovery."  Once I had posted my book, though, I decided to start posting my ideas as well.  Expressing my distress and disgust with the Mormon Church and the way in which I was brainwashed into believing so many ridiculous things has really helped me continue to sort through it all.   

Overall, blogging has become one of my ways of coping with all I have been through, and sorting through the endless list of ridiculous beliefs I adhered to for so many years.  After all, I was 52 years old before I finally left the Mormon Church so there is A LOT for me to sort through.  STILL. 

 

Several months after starting blogging, I discovered Main Street Plaza (http://www.latterdaysaintmainstreet.com/) and Outer Blogness (www.outerblogness.org) - and I felt I had "arrived" when my blog began to appear in the feed on that website.  Of course, the Mormon-related correlations between the names Outer Blogness and Outer Darkness aren't lost on me... and I find the parallels rather amusing...

These days, I have really gotten into blogging.  Especially after entering Outer Blogness.  I find it exhilarating and life-affirming to state my opinions openly for the first time in my life, and to realize that my opinions are actually being heard and appreciated.  Blogging has become one of my lifelines, just as has going on various ExMormon discussion boards and joining some ExMormon Facebook groups.  Blogging (and the thoughts that go into it) feeds my soul just as reading some other Ex-Mormon blogs has done.  And of course, realizing that I'm not alone in my position regarding the Mormon Church is very assuring as well.

Once I opened my mind to the actual facts, I began to see that I had been a SHEEP my whole life, just following along without really thinking about it.   Simply going with the flow, doing what I saw everyone else doing.  Believing what I was told to believe.  Not making any waves.  Becoming complacent.  And since breaking away from the mold, I've come to see my blog is a statement reflecting what is embodied in this Far Side cartoon:

In many ways, I see my blogging as a way to reach out to others who are stuck in the goose-step march that so epitomizes Mormonism.  And I've become so comfortable with my Ex-Mormonism that I have even begun to mention my blog on Facebook, something that would have made me very wary and nervous just a few months ago.  I am very proud of my progression from Mormon Woman... to Former Mormon Woman... to Openly Full-Blown Ex-Mormon Woman.

And it feels very good to finally just be ME.  I make no apologies for who I am anymore, which I did regularly when I was an active Mormon.  You know... never feeling good enough, never doing enough, never able to relax and just exist without feeling like I should be doing more, always worried that unless I tirelessly did everything "they" said I should, I wouldn't make it to the Celestial Kingdom.  It was exhausting being a Mormon.

Accepting ME for who I am has been a big step, and it feels very good not to expect so much from myself anymore.  And I certainly don't feel the urge to confess anything to a Mormon Bishop anymore...



Now if I could just figure out how you can die from blogging...

A MIND CLOSED BY BELIEF

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief."  Gerry Spence ("How to Argue and Win Every Time")

What a great quote.  Very thought provoking.  Of course, as an ExMormon, it brings up a slew of thoughts about the many ridiculous things I was told to believe "by faith" over my 52 years as a Mormon.  "Just believe."  In fact, that is what my very TBM father always told me when I was growing up and would ask him questions about certain doctrines taught by the Mormon Church - like Blacks being denied the Priesthood, differing versions of the First Vision, why polygamy and polyandry were okay, and other questionable Mormon teachings and doctrines.  When I questioned certain things about what the church teaches, if I didn't instantly accept what he would tell me, he would say, "Well, you better believe it because it's true."  Case closed. 

My father was very good at shutting me down - like when I would tell him I felt a certain way, and he would tell me, "Well, don't feel that way."  Very helpful.  As I got older, and I continued to question things, he told me that my "liberal thinking was going to get me into trouble one day."  I guess he was right - at least as far as TBMs are concerned.  Lucky for him, I didn't discover the real truth behind polygamy, or the fact that polyandry was also practiced by both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young as well as some others, until after my father passed away.  But then, because he was so pious and dogmatic about the whole thing, I never told him that I had left the church in 2004-2005, which was 2 years before he passed away at the age of 92.  And of course, I never told him that I had been excommunicated in 2002 because I knew what he would say (like I was going to HELL).  Since he passed away, I have thought about several conversations I wish I had undertaken with him before he was gone - but then again, as I said, he was very pious and dogmatic about Mormonism, so it probably wouldn't have done any good, and may have actually driven a wedge between us.   

To my detriment, when I was younger I never carried my questioning far enough.  In the end, I always buckled under and tried to accept it all by faith.  I believed what "they" said, believing that the problem was me - that if I prayed more, studied the scriptures more, and was a better person, it would all become clear.  Yes, the problem was ME and not the ridiculous doctrines and teachings.  It amazes me now that I was able to "accept" it all for so long.  But then, I was truly a Mormon Slave, which is very typical of so many Mormons - and unfortunately, it was true of me as well for a very, very long time.

In the long run, though, I continued to question the advisability of simply accepting things by faith.  Was I really supposed to do that?  Even things that have been proven false?  No, to me, when all the facts contradict what you are being told to believe by faith, it's not faith anymore but rather denial.  People whose minds are "closed by belief" are prone to simply accept what they are told - without questioning and without thinking.  In my opinion, that is very dangerous because it closes a person's mind off to the possibility that what they're clinging to is actually false. 

I'm so glad I finally realized that very important concept - and continued my questioning by actually starting to think, research, and analyze what I discovered.  Otherwise, I would probably still be grasping at straws and burying my head in the sand, like so many Mormons do so well.  And being a Mormon Slave.

In this day and age of the internet, though, things have become much more accessible.  So to paraphase a popular "Mormon" scripture, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Google."

EX-MORMON FOUNDATION CONFERENCE, 2010

Last month, I went to an Ex-Mormon Foundation Conference in Salt Lake City, Utah for the very first time.  Since then, I've been reflecting on what I gained from that experience.  Part of my reason for wanting to attend the conference was to meet many of the people with whom I have been sharing exchanges on the PostMormon discussion board (http://www.postmormon.org/).  People who have shared similar experiences with me in disassociating themselves from the Mormon Church.  People who can relate to my struggles.  People with whom I have common ground.  And meeting these people was definitely worth the trip.  Going on the discussion board on PostMormon.org has been very enlightening and reassuring since so many of these people, like me, have discovered the falsities and contradictions in Mormonism -- and doing so, they have struggled to free themselves from the Mormon mindset, which is no easy task.  So meeting these people in person completed the circle to form actual friendships.

The conference began with an "open mic" session (ala Fast and Testimony meetings) where people got up to introduce themselves and say whatever they wanted to share.  This was the first time I began to put "aliases" with actual names and faces, and I had several "aha" moments during that two-hour session.  I have always found it very interesting to place faces with voices of people to whom I have talked on the phone over the years, especially at work -- and they rarely turn out to look the way I have envisioned them.  And of course, this was a similar type of experience in that regard.  There were many people who got up and gave very touching "testimonies."  One woman in partricular almost had me in tears because I could relate so much with what she said about feeling trapped in the Mormon Church for so long and finally being able to break free.  And the ones that were fairly young and had managed to break free made me feel very envious since I remained "trapped" until I was 52 years old.

Another very touching part of the conference was seeing a documentary entitled, "In the Shadow of the Temple."  This film is about people who, although they have discovered many unsolvable problems with the Mormon Church and thus have become non-believers, have remained active in it because of family pressures.  As stated in a review on Amazon.com:

"Those who consider leaving Mormonism face the consequences of isolation from their communities, shattered marriages and devastated family relationships. In the Shadow of the Temple is a 55 minute documentary that weaves together the stories of still-practicing non-believers and ex-Mormons as they reject the culture and teachings of the Church. Their strategies of coping can be as varied as hiding their disbelief and continuing to practice, to defiant refutation of the Church and its teachings." 

I was very touched by this film, and was in tears by the end.  I was very gratified to be told at the end of the film by one of the producers who was there, though, that all of those who appeared in "shadow" in the film had all "come out" by the end of the filming.

Another wonderful part of the conference was the dinner on Saturday night at which Tal Bachman spoke.  He is a musician and former Mormon who left the Mormon Church several years ago after discovering many things about the doctrine that he could not reconcile.  His story was very compelling, and I was very interested in how it began.  He talked about how he had been called to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher in Sunday School, and the research that he began to do about Genesis and the Book of Abraham.  When he began to see many conflicting ideas in the two, he began to do more research and discovered many things that he did not previously know.  This led him to do more research, and of course, this led him to discover more and more inaccuracies, inconsistencies and contradictions in the Standard Works of the LDS Church.  Ultimately, he came to the conclusion that Joseph Smith had made up the whole thing, and that Mormon doctrine is filled with lies and deception.

Continuing with his story, Tal said that after coming to this conclusion, he could not rationalize out teaching the Gospel Doctrine class anymore, so he went to his Bishop to ask to be released.  After discussing what he had discovered with the Bishop, and the Bishop providing no good answers, the Bishop suggested that he speak with the Stake President about his concerns.  So Tal made an appointment to meet with his Stake President, and was dumbfounded by the Stake President's reaction.  According to Tal, the Stake President told him that he knew that Joseph Smith had lied about many things, but that he (the Stake President) chose to stay in the church anyway because it made him a better husband and father.  When Tal said that, I was stunned.  Of course, Tal wasn't able to see the rationale behind the Stake President's thinking and was very confused by what he had encountered with both his Bishop and the Stake President.  Apparently after that, Tal talked to his wife (and mother of his 8 children) about what he had discovered, what he had been told by both the Bishop and the Stake President, and she was as puzzled by the whole thing as Tal was.  He described how sick they both felt at that point, not knowing what to do next.

Tal concluded his remarks by saying that the icing on the cake was a couple of weeks later when the Primary children were giving the Sacrament Meeting program, saying that they knew the church was true, that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God, and all the things that Mormon children are taught to believe -- and there was the Stake President sitting there in Sacrament Meeting, smiling broadly as he listened to all of that.  Tal said that he and his wife sat there, looking at each other in puzzlement, and that they didn't go to church after that.  Unfortunately, though, the process of extricating themselves from the Mormon Church also eventually tore Tal and his wife apart, and they are now divorced.

All in all, my experience at the Ex-Mormon Foundation conference in SLC was a very good one, and I am very glad that I went.  I hope to be able to go next year as well -- and would like to make it an annual event.  After describing my experiences to my daughter, she told me that she would like to go next year with me, and I would love to share the experience with her.

One very big treat was driving from Denver, Colorado to SLC - not on my way there (because I drove through lower Wyoming, which was very tan and bland), but on the way back.  On my return trip from Utah to Colorado, I drove through southeast Utah and then into Colorado on I-70, which was an absolutely beautiful drive.  Being Fall, the leaves on the trees were changing colors, and the backdrop of scenic beauty was breathtaking, particularly through the area surrounding Aspen, Colorado.  Driving along with the mountains surrounding me and the Colorado River running alongside the highway with the Fall colors splashed through the scenery was almost surreal.