OH, WHY DID I BELIEVE IT? LDS Hymn Parody #19

Questions.  So many questions.

Looking for the answers...

And when I finally found those answers, it was like a light bulb going off in my head.

The ultimate AHA moment.

Of course, once I realized that the answers I was looking for were that the Mormon Church is a scam and a fraud, I began to ask myself why I had believed it for so long.  I'm sure part of the answer to that question is the fact that I was essentially born and raised Mormon.  My parents were baptized when I was a baby, so I was programmed from a very early age.   And when it comes right down to it, I'm sure there's a huge amount of brainwashing involved.  Otherwise, why would people adhere to such bizarre beliefs?  Such as believing that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God, and that he translated the Book of Mormon and the Book of Abraham when there is so much evidence indicating that both are elaborate frauds, harvested either from the very vivid imagination of Joseph Smith and/or plagiarized (and very possibly a combination of both).  None of it makes any sense.  Applying common sense to the equation puts it into the realm of fantasy.  And yet, people believe it.  Including me, for a very long time.  Until I researched and studied independently, on my own, away from the "authorized areas."  That's when I discovered the actual truth, and began to feel very betrayed.  To put it plainly, I had been duped.

So that is the premise of my latest hymn parody.

OH, WHY DID I BELIEVE IT?

Sung to the tune of O God, the Eternal Father, #175

Oh, why did I believe it?
It really makes no sense.
And when I stopped to question,
That’s when I took offense
For all the years I suffered
In silence, fear and dread.
The Mormonism drivel
Was not just in my head.

The fact that I discovered
That lies are laced throughout
Its teachings, so deceptive,
Of that, I have no doubt.
If only I had researched
And read more on my own,
I would have found out sooner,
And not felt so alone.

Oh, why did I believe it?
Completely full of lies.
And with the lies uncovered,
There was no compromise.
This obvious deception
Cannot be merely veiled,
My eyes are finally open,
The camouflage has failed.

Oh, why did I believe it
When it is clearly skewed?
The contradictions blatant,
What else could I conclude?
I’ve gone from disenchanted
To some place far beyond,
Much more than disillusioned,
The truth for me has dawned.

But when I finally saw it,
I really felt betrayed,
The fact that I’d been living
Amid this big charade.
The light bulb shining brightly,
I finally knew the truth.
But I was very bitter
That it absorbed my youth.

The bitterness is gone now,
I’m going on with life.
The future’s looking brighter
Without the pain and strife
That Mormonism garnered
Within my heart and soul,
And though I greatly struggled,

I’m finally feeling whole.

© Diane Tingen, 6/21/2011

Oh, now I get it...

DEAREST MORMONS, DON'T BELIEVE IT - LDS Hymn Parody #10

Here is another hymn parody.  This is the other one in response to the request I received from the great great granddaughter of John Menzies Macfarland (1833-1892) to parody hymns written by him.

This hymn parody highlights the fact that after completing my independent research, I came to the conclusion that Mormonism was simply created by Joseph Smith, and that none of it is actually true.  It was all made up by Joseph Smith from his imagination, plagiarization, and input from some others (like Sydney Ridgon).  I think it's possible that he saw it as a good way to make money and gain power over people.

Indeed, as the picture states, he was two-faced - presenting himself one way to the "Saints," and yet he was an entirely different person privately, and in reality.  Since history shows that Joseph Smith was a shyster, charlatan, swindler and con artist, with a history of treasure-seeking and at least 7 arrests, it isn't hard to imagine him as such. Of course, my opinion of his character is backed up by what I discovered about the origins of Mormonism, including the Book of Mormon, Book of Abraham, the practice of Polygamy and Polyandry, the truth behind the supposed martyrdom since Joseph Smith was actually a criminal and not a martyr at all, etc. (more on all of this in other places on this blog and in my book, also posted on this blog).  And unlike many Mormons, I do not buy the explanation ala Rough Stone Rolling that Joseph Smith as a Prophet but also a flawed man.  To me, these concepts are mutually exclusive.

My point in writing this hymn parody is my firm belief that it is completely inadvisable for people to believe things without doing their own independent research.  Simply believing what others tell you to believe is relegating all of your power to someone else, and giving up your own power completely.  I mean, would you buy a car without researching its history?  Without examine its tires, interior and body?  Without having a mechanic look under the hood?  Without having the engine checked out and analyzed?  No, you would carefully consider such an important purchase.  So why is the acceptance of a religion given less thought than the purchase of an automobile?  Blind faith.  It's one thing if there is no actual evidence for or against a religion, but when there is a mountain of evidence against its validity, then it's not faith anymore but rather denial.

DEAREST MORMONS, DON'T BELIEVE IT

Sung to the tune Dearest Children, God is Near You, #96

Dearest Mormons, don’t believe it,
Mormon doctrine is a myth.
Mormon scriptures were invented,
By a man named Joseph Smith.
He’s a shyster, he’s a shyster,
Please don’t put your trust in him.

Dearest Mormons, it’s malarkey,
None of it makes any sense.
It’s not true, that is apparent,
Deceptive swindle so immense.
It’s a rip-off, it’s a rip-off,
Don’t believe a word they say.

All the Mormons, true believers,
Just believe, don’t question it.
Just believe because they say so,
But that just isn’t wise, a bit.
Simply question, simply question,
Blind acceptance makes no sense.

Mormons, don’t you know it’s drivel?
What they tell you to accept.
Tell them reason and your judgment
In the background can’t be swept.
Please do research, please do research,
For the truth, just Google it.

© Diane Tingen, 6/7/2011

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH - LDS Hymn Parody #7

OK, with this addition to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book, I have completed my initial designated list.  What a sense of accomplishment!!  LOL.  Of course, that doesn't mean I'm done because I'm sure I will think of other Mormon hymns that need to be "revised" for parody purposes.

The hymn If You Could Hie to Kolob (#284) may seem a little obscure, but it is my feeling that it needs to be included because of its subject matter.  When I realized that Kolob is an imaginary place made up by Joseph Smith as he did his "translation" of the Egyptian papyri that became the Book of Abraham, this hymn began to have new significance for me.  After all, as I did my research on the origins of the Mormon Church, I quickly came to the conclusion that the whole thing was a product of Joseph Smith's imagination and plagiarization - and he was able to pass it off because of his "charisma."   The bottom line is that he was a shyster, con artist, charlatan, swindler, fake, etc., etc.  When I realized the reality of it all, it really upset me that I allowed myself to be taken in by this fake religion created by such a man.  A total fraud.  Rough Stone Rolling, my ass.

Very little is available in actual Mormon doctrinal discussions on Kolob - but here is a link to the scriptures from the Book of Abraham about this "imaginary" place (the BoA being the only place in "church doctrine" where Kolob is even mentioned).  Also, here is an interesting article from Wikipedia - and here is some information from MormonThink.com about the Book of Abraham and Kolob.

And below is my hymn parody of If You Could Hie to Kolob.  I've tried to include some of the verbiage from the original hymn, particularly toward the end, in order to maintain the over-all theme (for lack of a better word) of this hymn (and comparing the original to my version will make the satirization even more apparent).

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH

Sung to the tune of If You Could Hie To Kolob, #284

If you could hie to Utah
And the Mormons were not there,
No missionaries tracting,
No one on Temple Square.
Do you think that Salt Lake City
Would seem more comfortable
Without the Mormons preaching
Their doctrines and gospel?

Look at the “grand beginning”
When con man Joseph Smith
Made up his own religion,
Creating such a myth.
Methinks that Joseph tricked them,
Defrauding one and all,
Translating so-called scripture,
Unmitigated gall.

The works of Mormonism
Displayed so blatantly,
Trickery and deception
Are very plain to see.

There is no end to bullshit,
There is no end to crap,
There is no end to drivel,
It is a mindless trap.

There is no end to nonsense,
There is no end to tripe,
There is no end to hooey,
There is no end to hype,
There is no end to blather,
There is no end to bunk,
There is no end to hogwash,
It is a piece of junk.

There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.
There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.

© Diane Tingen, 6/3/2011

And just in case you were wondering...

Supposed location of "Kolob" per the Book of Abraham.

  

Facsimile 2 (found with the papyri used to "translate" the Book of Abraham), showing depiction of "Kolob" at Center (Image 1).

 

   

Center of Facsimile 2 (above), showing "Kolob" at Image 1.

Seriously, just how ridiculous is this whole thing?  Total bullshit.  Luckily, however, I am now...

TIME OUT!!!

I've been on TIME OUT from the Mormon Church for over 7 years now, but my fascination with "all things Mormon" is still very strong.  Mainly, though, what fascinates me is trying to answer the question of why people believe in it when it is so obvious to me that it is a pile of crap.  Believing in something by faith when there is nothing to actually substantiate it is one thing - but when there is so much evidence against Mormonism being true, it is not faith anymore, but rather denial.

My main question at this point, though, is why can I see the validity of that differentiation between blind faith and actual reason, but others who remain escounced in Mormonism can't... or won't.  But then, as I've heard said, "There are none so blind as those who will not see."  (Per a Google search, that idiom is paraphrased from the Old Testament of the Bible, Jeremiah 5:21 - "Hear now this, O foolish people, and without understanding; which have eyes, and see not; which have ears, and hear not.").  As far as I am concerned, this scripture includes all those who accept things at face value and dig no deeper.  Those who do not think for themselves.  Those who accept what they are told, blindly and without any real thought.

I don't see any indications that my interest is going to wane any time soon, but perhaps at some point, all of this won't be quite so fascinating to me.  Seeing younger people who have left the church being able to move on quicker than I have makes me yearn for that, but perhaps the reason I haven't "shed the skin" so quickly is because I spent 52 years in the Mormon Church and therefore it was very deeply engrained into my life and psyche.  Even though I began to question some things when I was a teenager, I still stuck with it for many more years until I (finally) began to research church history (prior to going on a Mormon Church History tour in July 2001).  That was the beginning of the end for me because I began to see how many lies are laced throughout Mormonism, and much of it I simply couldn't rationalize out.  As I studied more and more, I began to feel almost physically ill because I had based my entire life on what they told me I was supposed to believe - and how I was supposed to live. 

Of course, the Mormon Church uses a great deal of guilt to control the masses.  Are you praying enough?  Are you reading the scriptures enough?  Are you doing enough service?  Are you striving for perfection?  And, of course, since the answers to those questions is often No or Maybe Not, the guilt ends up pouring over a person to the point of saturation.  While I was Mormon, for those 52 years, I never felt like I was good enough... and the quandary of whether or not I was going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom was a constant struggle for me.  If I didn't make it there, then I would be denying myself an eternity of blessings, of being with my parents, of having a forever family.  And whose fault would that be?  Mine per Mormonism.  And I found it very debilitating to constantly feel that way.

For instance, I never liked (or understood) the temple ceremonies.  But of course, since I was basically given the message that if that was the case, it was my own fault, that source of guilt pervaded my consciousness.  And of course, when that sense of guilt invades your being, it can cause not only feelings of inadequacy but also deep depression.  During my years in Mormonism, there were many times when I struggled with depression.  But interestingly, since being on my TIME OUT, that has not been an issue for me at all.
 

Back to the temple.  For many years, I just figured that I wasn't worthy enough to understand the temple ceremonies.  Apparently, like "they" inferred, I wasn't righteous enough - but as I was told, if I prayed more, read the scriptures more, studied more, and just plain did more, then I would come to understand it.  But that never happened.  Of course, now I realize that the reason that never happened is because it never had anything to do with me.  The Mormon temple ceremonies were lifted from the Masons.  From what I've been able to discern, Joseph Smith apparently needed something seemingly awe-inspiring to take place with the temple walls, so he joined the Masons - and 7 weeks later introduced the very same ceremonies in the Nauvoo Temple.  How convenient.  Of course, since I am convinced that all of Mormonism is "made up," it's apparent that Joseph Smith was just doing more of what he had already done... and lots of people bought it, hook, line and sinker.

And of course, there are many other aspects to Mormonism that disturbed me for many years.  Like the Book of Abraham.  It has been proven not to be translated correctly per modern-day Egyptologists.  The papyri that Joseph Smith purportedly translated has been shown to simply be Egyptian funeral papers, and not the writings of Abraham from ancient times.  And yet Mormons continue to cling to its validity, continuing to hold it up as canonized scripture.  They rationalize it out by saying that scriptural things can't be reasoned or examined with earthly eyes, that only God knows the truth.  And God, they say, has revealed to them that not only is the Book of Abraham the word of God, but so is the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine & Covenants - and of course, the Bible, but only as far as it is translated correctly.  To me, it is now clear that Mormonism in its entirety was made up by Joseph Smith.  But TBMs still hold on to the ridiculous notion that it is all "true."


So why didn't I turn on my critical thinking skills prior to the Summer of 2001?  That question still haunts me, and probably will continue to do so for many more years to come.  It all is very clear to me now.  I have no doubt but that the Mormon Church is not true.  I have no doubt but that Mormonism was entirely made up by Joseph Smith and was perpetuated by others.  I have no doubt but that there are so many lies and deceptions laced through Mormonism that it is actually a pile of garbage.  What it came down to for me was that in order to continue to be a "good Mormon woman," I would have had to turn my back on all I had discovered against its validity, and simply buy the whole Mormon Party Line by faith.  And I simply couldn't do that.

Naturally, it took me a couple of years to actually leave the Mormon Church after discovering what I did about church history and the lies laced throughout Mormonism.  I kept thinking that perhaps I was missing something.  Perhaps (as they would have me think), I wasn't worthy enough to understand the whole thing.  I'm sure that's what TBMs all think of me now (including many of my TBM family members).  But that's okay.  I found the truth - the real truth.  Not the white-washed version of the truth as touted by Mormonism.  My discoveries about Mormonism are not a passing phase or a changeable opinion, but rather a fact.  And knowing that for certainty has made all the difference in my life.


So the TIME OUT from Mormonism I called for myself a little over 7 years ago still stands. 

I'm still on TIME OUT, and will be in that state for the rest of my life... and if there is an Afterlife, then to infinity and beyond...

WHO IS THE MAN? - LDS Hymn Parody #2

Over the time that I've been writing poetry (and the occasional set of lyrics), I've discovered that when I start thinking about a particular topic in poetic terms, my brain just starts churning, and it doesn’t stop until whatever I’m writing is done.  Sometimes I think that's a curse because these thoughts tend to take over my brain, making it very difficult to do anything else.  Of course, having that happen makes me understand how many writers, musicians and other creative people tend to make their creativity the main focus of their lives, to the exclusion of a 9-to-5 job.  I would love to do that, too... but I like eating too much (that, and a roof over my head).

So here is my latest addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book.  I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before more twisted lyrics start popping into my brain...

WHO IS THE MAN?
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Man, #27

Who is the man who made up Mormonism?
His name was Joseph, and conning was his game.
He was a shyster beyond all description,
Fraudulent scams are his legacy and shame.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up all the lies.
Finally I saw through the maze he created,
So glad I finally have opened up my eyes.

Who is the man who bedded Fanny Alger,
Starting the con that polygamy would be?
Yes, that was Joseph, he said God’s commandment
Was that his wives should number 33.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up this big yarn.
Cover his ass was his main motivation
When Emma caught him with Fanny in the barn.

Who is the man who practiced Polyandry,
Married 11 of other men’s wives?
Joseph again, coercing all these women,
Plotting and planning as he messed with their lives.

Chorus:
Mormons now praise him, and call him a martyr,
Saying persecution is why he was killed.
But they won’t face that the truth is much different,
Simply a criminal, not as he is billed.

Who is the man who destroyed a printing press
When stories published exposed polygamy?
Yes, this was Joseph, he ordered the burning,
Nauvoo Expositor, demolished violently.

Chorus:
That is the reason that he was arrested,
That is the reason he was in Carthage Jail.
Armed with a shotgun when the mob attacked him.
So was he a martyr? No, that premise must fail.

Sadly, so much of the lies and deception
Will never dawn on most TBMs out there.
Instead, they buy what they’re told to believe in,
And anything “Anti” they’re told to beware.

Chorus:

Whatever happened to critical thinking?
Judge for yourself, and you’d see it’s all inane.
Evidence shows it’s just lies and deception,
It would be clear if you’d simply use your brain.

© Diane Tingen, 5/26/2011

Yes, sadly I bought into all this for a very long time... in fact, 52 years of my life.  Having been OUT for many years now, I feel lucky to have escaped the closed mindset that goes along with being Mormon.  After doing my own independent research, I discovered that it's actually a fraud perpetuated by Joseph Smith, and carried on by many others since his death.  Here's a few images to wrap up this new addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

Joseph Smith, Founder,Prophet and Seer of the Mormon Church.

Joseph Smith "reading" the gold plates, which he later "translated" into the Book of Mormon.

Joseph Smith, placing his head in a hat to "translate" the Book of Mormon.

Some crazy shit.

BELIEF STRUCTURES

In another post that appears earlier in this blog, I wrote an entry based on a quote by Gerry Spence:  "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief." 

Or as depicted in this picture,
BELIEF SET IN STONE.


Since writing that previous post, I have thought even more about belief structures and how detrimental they can be to a person's perceptions.  For instance, in Mormonism, people often become so wrapped up in the belief structure that they seem to feel personally attacked if anyone questions their beliefs.  And when that occurs, it often leads to the person launching a direct personal attack against the other person, who they tend to look at as the opponent.  This recently happened between me and a very good friend with whom I grew up.  Of course, since when someone actually begins to think differently, and decides to leave Mormonism, it is seen as not just an attack against the religion itself but also against its members, it wasn't a big surprise to me.  But even so, the fact that so much animosity seems to develop between members and what they term as "apostates," even to the point of family members turning against the "apostate," is almost a given, I still find it not only very sad but also extremely unChristian-like.

Personal attacks like this are called "ad hominem attacks."  These types of attacks usually involve insulting or belittling one's opponent in order to invalidate his argument, but can also involve pointing out supposed character flaws or actions which are irrelevant to the opponent's argument.  Of course, this tactic is not based in reality because insults and even true negative facts about the opponent's personal character have nothing to do with the logical merits of the opponent's arguments or assertions.

Examples:

• "You can't believe Jack when he says the proposed policy would help the economy. He doesn't even have a job."
• "Candidate Jane's proposal about zoning is ridiculous. She was caught cheating on her taxes in 2003."

Of course, these types of attacks are very common in regard to Ex-Mormons.  Like being told that we cannot know anything since we no longer have the "spirit" because we have obviously lost the "Holy Ghost."  Or the connotation that there must be something wrong with us because we can't understand the importance or significance of certain doctrines.  Or the insinuation that the fact that we even began to question is evidence of how lack of faith and inability to process things that are truly spiritual.  And on and on and on, ad nauseum.

In the movie Dogma, there's a great quote about belief structures:

Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.

Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?

Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should be malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.

So in essence, people become blinded by belief, so much so that they can't accept or even listen to any opposing views.  Their minds are closed by belief.  Being open to new ideas and the possiblity that a person's view is skewed is important to living an intellectually curious life.  One of my biggest regrets in life is that I went along with Mormonism for so long and didn't even question so many things that are clearly preposterous to me now.  I was not intellectually curious, but rather buried my head in the sand like so many Mormons tend to do.  Blindly going along.  Not really questioning, but rather allowing others to do the thinking for them.  It is no wonder to me that most Mormons actually believe that "When the prophet speaks, the debate is over," although most don't even get to the debating stage.  They accept what they are told, that "there are things we can't understand in this life."

When I discovered the truth about Mormonism and the fact that it is based on a stack of lies, I was dumbfounded.  For a long time, I tried to blame my upbringing for my lack of interest in finding out the truth earlier.  Brainwashing.  Programming.  But although all that is true to a certain extent, I really only had myself to blame.  I should have examined it more closely when I was growing up.  I should have looked at the history of the Church sooner and in more depth.  The fact that I didn't but rather waited until I was 50 years old to really research and study about it all upsets me to this day.

Obviously, blind belief is not confined to Mormonism.  I'm sure it exists in every religion.  My experience has been with Mormonism, and so I tend to focus on its idiosyncrasies.  But in the end, what it all boils down to is that people in general are told to believe in a certain religion simply because.  Because someone said they should believe a certain way.  Or because they were brought up to believe these things.  Or because (as the below Non Sequitur cartoon points out), "Because, ummmm.... God said so, that's why."

These days, I look at myself as an Agnostic.  In my years since leaving Mormonism, I have come to realize that it is impossible to know one way or the other whether God really exists.  I do know one thing, though, and that is that the Mormon Church is not "the one and only true church on the face of the earth" (as they like to claim - another sign of a cult). 
 
In my contact with other ExMormons, I have noted that while some people who leave the Mormon Church join other Christian churches after their departure (including Unitarian type churches to a great extent), a great many become Agnostics.  And while some stay in the Agnostic mindset (like me), others tend to work their way toward being Atheists.   It seems to me that this progression is a result of being "burnt out" on organized religion and its "all or nothing" stance.

One of the things that puzzles me now is that there are a lot of very intelligent people ensconced in the Mormon Church, perfectly happy to live what I consider to be "the lie."  Their beliefs do not make sense, and although many of those beliefs have been proven to be false, that doesn't seem to matter to them.  Some of these "true believers" include lawyers, who are taught to be critical thinkers in law school, but for some reason, they do not apply that critical thinking to their religion.  That is very puzzling to me.

But whether or not the belief is based on truth or lies seems to be immaterial to the "true believer."  For instance, there is a huge example of this in the Book of Abraham, which was purportedly "translated" by Joseph Smith from Egyptian Papyri.  But even though modern Egyptologists have declared the "translation" by Joseph Smith to be completely inaccurate and not based in any measure in reality, members of the Mormon Church continue to cling to their belief that the Book of Abraham is the Word of God translated by a modern-day prophet.  To me, however, when something is proven to be false, then it is false.  If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is a duck (as pointed out by Steven Kazan, an expert on cults, when referring to Mormonism - which in his opinion, as in mine, is very definitely a cult).

For me, one of the biggest lessons I have learned in my journey away from Mormonism is developing a true belief in Freedom of Religion (not what I consider to be the pretend one behind the 11th Article of Faith ala Mormonism).  People should be able to believe what they truly want to believe in actuality, and no one should tell them they should believe one way or another.  The phrase "Live and let live" has taken on new meaning for me, as has the scripture "Judge not that ye be not judged."

In other words...

Whatever floats your boat.

Whatever rocks your socks.

Whatever melts your  butter.

WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.

IT'S NOT A LIE IF YOU BELIEVE IT...

I love to watch reruns of Seinfeld.  So funny.  And there are so many quotes and situations from that show that have made it into normal everyday conversation.  The Soup Nazi.  Muffin Tops.  The Puffy Shirt.  The Big Salad.  Low talkers.  J. Peterman catalog.  Junior Mints ("They're so refreshing").  Art Vandelay.  Toxic envelope adhesive.  Yada yada yada.

Of course, the one here - "It's not a lie if you believe it" - is from an episode ("The Beard") in which Jerry Seinfeld was going to take a polygraph test as a result of a bet he made with a girl he was dating about whether or not he watched Melrose Place.  Interlaced through that episode are story lines about Elaine dating a gay man and thinking she could get him to "switch teams," and George wearing a toupee as he begins dating a bald woman (and Elaine ripping the toupee of his head and throwing it out the window because she says he's acting like a jerk - after which the bald woman breaks up with George).  That is one of the best things about Seinfeld episodes - the way in which so many story lines are intertwined.

That line - "It's not a lie if you believe it" - really says a lot.  Many people lie to themselves all the time - and the more the lie is told, the more it seems less like a lie and more like the truth.  Of course, involved in that process is a certain amount of delusion, especially when the lie starts to morph and transform into "the absolute truth" in the person's mind.  And usually when that happens, they close themselves off to hearing any opposing opinions - or the actual facts.

But what is worse, at least in my opinion, is when religious organizations lie to people.  After I began researching Mormon Church history, I began to realize just how many lies are present within Mormonism, not only in the telling of its history, but also in its doctrines and teachings.  Things that I had been taught from childhood on turned out to be filled with lies and half-truths.  Like Joseph Smith being jailed for his religious beliefs and being a religious martyr.  That is simply not true.  Joseph Smith was in Carthage Jail because he was a criminal, and was definitely not a martyr.  He was arrested because he ordered the destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor press and the burning of the building in which it was housed after its owners dared to print the truth about his polyamous ways.  I'm sorry, but those are criminal acts, and he deserved to be jailed for these actions.  And to paint him as a religious martyr is beyond delusional.

And of course, there are many other examples of lying within Mormonism.  The First Vision is a classic example.  The fact that there are at least 9 versions of the First Vision is very telling.  Joseph Smith just kept telling it and re-telling it until it morphed into the "official version" that the Mormon Church holds out today.  But the fact is that until the last version, which wasn't even written down until 1838 (18 years after the fact), the First Vision didn't even speak of Joseph Smith having a visitation from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but rather said that he had been visited by "heavenly personages" and/or "an angel."  It wasn't until a time when the church was losing many members due to the excommunications of Oliver Cowdery and the Whitmer brothers that Joseph Smith decided to "beef up" the First Vision to say that he had been visited by none other than Eloheim and Jesus Christ, two separate heavenly individuals.

Also, claiming that the Pearl of Great Price is scripture is an enormous lie.  Saying that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Abraham from Egyptian papyri is a blatant falsehood.  In fact, the more research I do, the more convinced I am that the Book of Mormon is a made-up piece of fiction, and that Joseph Smith no more translated it from golden plates than I did.

Lying for the Lord.  Despicable.  Unconscionable.  Reeling people in with lies in order to gain power over them, control them, and get them to hand over lots and lots of money.  Certainly not honest - and not Christian either.  But sadly, the Mormon Church is very good at reeling people it and trapping them for life.  And so these duped individuals live out their lives, believing in this bogus religious organization, convincing themselves that there is an explanation for it all - which we can't understand now, but if we endure to the end, after we shed this mortal coil, the truth of all these things will be made known to us, and then we will know that it was all worth it.

Delusional?  Yes.  But then, "It's not a lie if you believe it," right???

TERRIFYING IMAGES

This picture creates a truly frightening image.  To think that there is someone driving around Utah in this car is a very scary thought.  And to think that this person is apparently also a parent is very scary as well.  Truly, some people should not be parents (a definite case in point of the saying "Just because a person can reproduce doesn't mean they should").  At first, I was caught by the full picture of this car and the terrifying overall image that it creates.  But then I started to look at each individual bumper sticker... and I became even more terrified...

There’s a few I can’t make out completely – like the one that says, “I’d rather be __________” (but I can’t make out the ending).  Another one says “Don’t forget to have Jobs (or have kids?).”  And there’s two or three that I can’t make out at all.  But based on the nature of the rest of these bumper stickers, I’m sure those are just as outlandish and controversial as the others. Truly, I feel very sorry for this person’s children.

Utah license plate with BYU logo and RULDS2

OK, I get it.  You're Mormon.  But you're not only Mormon, you're extreme right-wing Mormon verging on total fanaticism.

Keep Utah Peculiar

Oh, I don't think there's much likelihood of Utah not remaining peculiar, especially with people like this around, driving cars "decorated" like this one.

Beehive State

Utah, the Beehive State, as named by Brigham Young.  A bunch of busy little bees.  Oh yes, this is the place - for a lot of lunatics.

LDS – fish and bumper sticker

Yes, like I said, I get it -- you're LDS...  Mormon... and you like to announce that fact boldly to the world.

Families are Forever

A threat, apparently.  Thankfully, I'm not part of this family.

This Family is Kolob Bound

Ah yes, Kolob... a completely unique Mormon concept.  According to the Book of Abraham which Joseph Smith "translated" from Egyptian papyri, Kolob is the heavenly body nearest to the throne or residence of God.  Of course, Joseph Smith's "translation" is not supported by modern Egytologists.  Thank you, Joseph Smith, for making up this imaginary place - and for giving inspiration to W. W. Phelps who wrote the hymn, "If You Could Hie to Kolob."  One of my favorites.  NOT.

YBU

I guess this means BYU - Brigham Young University - although I'm not sure why the letters are jumbled.  There must be some hidden meaning of which I'm not aware.

Home School – leaving values to the family

Truly, I can't imagine being this person's child let alone being home schooled by him/her. 

WWJD – What would Joseph Do?

Good question.  What would Joseph (Smith) do?  Well, I know what he did.  He made up a religion to gain money and power, and to have his way with all kinds of women (33 in total), including 11 teenaged-girls and 10 women who were already married to living husbands (called polyandry).  He also "translated" gold plates to create the Book of Mormon - and he translated Egyptian papyri to create the Book of Abraham (from which we get the gem of Kolob and other "important doctrine").  He also supposedly had numerous revelations which he compiled into the Doctrine & Covenants - and in that compilation, he included "revelation" about polygamy.  He did forget, however, to include the whole polyandry thing in there - but then he was a Prophet of God so he could do whatever he wanted to do.  And even though he was the Prophet of the Restoration, he was also a "Rough Stone Rolling" as explained by Richard Bushman, so he was still human and made mistakes.  Talk about rationalization.

I ♥ Joseph Smith

Yeah, 33 women ♥'d Joseph Smith and married him - and a bunch more were "sealed" to him as his polygamous wives in the eternities.  Personally, I don't think there's much to ♥ Joseph Smith about.

I’m in Joseph Smith’s Devil Disciples – 1 - 800 - LDS-SCAM

What?  Seriously?  This person is obviously deranged. 

10 Cow Wife

Yeah, sure you are.  Whatever you want to believe, honey.

Jesus Saves

This is followed by some wording that I can't make out.  I just hope Jesus didn't save at the Kirtland Bank.

Sign with red slash mark across the images of two gay men

Of course, it's only appropriate for this person to bring homophobia into this mind-boggling array of bumper stickers.  Maybe this car belongs to the wife or daughter of Boyd K. Packer.

Something or other about the Sanctity of Marriage

(with another red slash across the images of two gay men)

OK, more of the same.  Truly, I don't understand how two people of the same sex getting married is going to destroy the "sacred institution of marriage."  But this person was told to believe that so they do.

Amway

It is only appropriate that an organization like Amway is included in this mish-mash.

Shaklee

Ditto.  Same as above.

Yellow ribbon – Support our Troops

This is probably the only sane sticker on this car.

W ‘04

Of course, looking at all the rest of the stickers on this car, it follows that this person is a Republican.  But not only a Republican - a Republican ala Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and the rest of the right-wing crazies.

Anybody but Hillary

And yes, it follows that this person would be anti-Hillary Clinton.  But what does this really say?  Anybody but Hillary.  Really?  Anybody?

Cheney / Voldemort ‘08

Oh, good idea.  Dick Cheney as President with his Vice Presidential running mate as Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes' character in Harry Potter).  If there was any doubt whatsoever that this person is delusional, this bumper sticker settles the question once and for all.

Of course, fanaticism in any area is harmful.  As the old saying goes, moderation in all things is best.  And driving a car around with all these bumper stickers on it definitely portrays fanatical points of view, at least in my opinion.  I'm just glad this car doesn't belong to any acquaintance of mine.

"BORN AND RAISED MORMON"

I used to very proudly say that I was "Born and Raised Mormon."  But now, that fact seems very detrimental to me.  Perhaps when a person is born and raised in any religion, they tend to just go along from an early age, accepting everything at face value.  Never digging deeper to find out what's really behind the curtain.  Never really thinking about it all or asking any in-depth questions.  Of course, that scenario may not be true for some "Born and Raised Mormons" or some people in other religions, but unfortunately, it was very true for me - and that is something of which I am not proud at all.  There's simply no excuse for ignorance.

Of course, there is the aspect of brainwashing involved.  Being programmed from a very early age.  Being told that something is true from the time of your earliest memories tends to distort reality and make what you are told seem absolutely real and genuine.  And since in the Mormon Church, people are told to only read and study materials that are "authorized," the extent of materials to which most Mormons are exposed is very limited.

Naturally, the term "propaganda" comes to mind.  Although the Mormon Church looks at anything written contrary to what the Mormon Church teaches to be "anti-Mormon propaganda" when much of it is simply highlighting the truth as it really is, pointing out the lies, deception and contradictions that are blatant within Mormon doctrine and history. 

But in reality, the Mormon Church is steeped in the "propaganda" realm.  The church dishes out "propaganda" on a regular basis to its members until their minds are so cluttered with it all that it is difficult to sort out what is true from what is not.  Fast and Testimony Meeting is a prime example of "propaganda" and "brainwashing."  Seeing all those people stand up in church on the first Sunday of every month and say the same rote phrases (like "I know the truth is true beyond a shadow of a doubt" and "I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God") is a very calculated way of indoctrinating the masses and creating "sheeple," something Mormonism seems to have down to a science.

When I read the following quote, it really hit me:

"The oblique paradox of propaganda is that the lie in the throat becomes, by repetition, the truth in the heart."  ~John Grierson

Of course, this is what the Mormon Church is counting on.  Repeating deceitful church doctrines and teachings, over and over again.  And through this process, these fallacies seep into the core of all of its members.  If you tell a person something often enough and long enough, it becomes their reality - and to them, it is true.

It wasn't until 2001, a couple of months prior to going on a Mormon Church History tour, that I began to research the truth behind Mormonism.  At first, I simply wanted to know more about church history prior to going on the trip so I would be more "well-versed" when I visited the key places.  But once I began discovering the truth behind the facade, and I began to look at materials which shed new light on much of what I had believed since childhood, that I began to realize that what I had been told was simply not true. 

One by one, I began to discover the truth about polygamy, polyandry, the differing versions of the First Vision (totaling at least nine), the truth behind why Joseph Smith was arrested and incarcerated in Carthage Jail as well as his supposed "martyrdom," the Book of Mormon, the Book of Abraham, the Kinderhook Plates, Blacks and the Priesthood, and on and on - and as I did, I began to realize how blind I had been over the years.  At that point, the following quote began to take on new meaning - "There are none so blind as those who will not see." (Attributed to Thomas Chalkley, circa 1713, but most likely based on the Biblical verse in Jeremiah 5:21, "Hear now this, O foolish people, and without understanding; which have eyes, and see not; which have ears, and hear not.")

In everyone's lifetime, people occasionally come upon pivotal moments or crossroads.  As Robert Frost said in his poem "The Road Not Taken": 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

And sorry I could not travel both 

And be one traveler, long I stood 

And looked down one as far as I could 

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair, 

And having perhaps the better claim, 

Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 

Though as for that the passing there 

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay 

In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh, I kept the first for another day! 

Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence: 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— 

I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

Very poignant poem that makes a very profound point.  It reminds me of a few experiences in my life, but most vividly brings to mind my journey away from Mormonism. 

So from 2001 to 2004, I found myself at a very pivotal point in my life - a definite crossroads - as I struggled with what I had been taught and had believed my entire life.  At first, I was very confused as fear and doubt took over my psyche.  After all, I was ripping up and examining the very foundation of my life since Mormonism had always been practically my identity.  But at times, I would feel hope and wonderment, and that's what kept me going on the path toward final acceptance of the fact that I had been living a lie.  When I found the graphic rendering posted here, it really hit home since these are the emotions I dealt with during this time frame.

In the end, though, as I sorted through all of the information I had uncovered along with all of these emotions, I began to realize that I couldn't reverse the process through which I had gone.  I couldn't go back in time to return to the state of blissful ignorance I had dwelled in for so long.  Of course, when I was still Mormon, I had some questions and issues (such as the role of women in the church and what I perceived as a double standard), but I had successfully put those things on my "shelf" up until that point.  But as I came to terms with this newly-discovered information, I was unable to put anything more on my "shelf," and it all came tumbling down.

In looking back at my life, I do have some regrets.  One of my regrets is that I didn't become more intellectually curious at an earlier time in my life.  Perhaps if I had researched the doctrines, teachings and history of the Mormon Church in more detail and on an independent basis, not relying solely on what I was told or read from "authorized" sources, I would have discovered the truth much earlier.  Unfortunately, I spent 52 years as a Mormon simply because I paid too much attention to what they told me to believe.  One of my other regrets is that I did not tell my father that I had disassociated myself from the Mormon Church before he passed away.  He died in May 2006, and although I left the church in 2004, I never told him that I had left the church - and why.  Of course, since he was 90 years old in 2004, I knew that if I told him, that it would very possibly drive a wedge between us since he was very pious and dogmatic about Mormonism.  So that was my rationale.  And since he lived in Utah and I lived in California, it was rather easy to live that charade.

But still, although I regret not telling my father about my apostasy and why I left the church, I am grateful that I am now living a completely authentic life.  And of course, getting caught up in the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" mindset only succeeds in putting negative vibes in a person's life, so I have shed all of that and am moving forward with a positive attitude.  Finally being true to who I really am - and not living a lie.  And that's enough for me.