Sometimes I feel like I've become like a broken record, and that people who read this blog just think, "yeah, yeah... lies, deception, contradictions, blah, blah, blah..." Of course, I'm sure that is pretty close to what TBMs who come here think (because some have actually told me so). In fact, one TBM who came on here told me, "...your claim to intelligent reasoning seems a tad flat. It seems that your reasoning and investigations have developed a partisan approach that many disenchanted Mormons frequently and unintentionally employ. Your flippant discourse is telling." Like I responded to this person, I am not trying to be "flippant." I just think people should use their brains and not rely on what others have told them to believe. And as far as the label of "disenchanted Mormon" goes, I am an ExMormon, having worked my way through the arena of "disenchantment" many years ago, arriving at the point where I saw Mormonism for what it is and opted against being further associated with a supposed religious organization that plays so fast and loose with the truth.
The fact is that Mormon doctrine is filled with lies, and so is its depiction of its history. Because of that, I think it is important for everyone to examine the history and doctrine more closely, and not to simply accept what it is they are told to believe. You know, the Mormon Party Line. Deciding things for yourself is very important as is critical thinking. When a person accepts what is told to them rather than doing any research or investigation on their own, they are giving up their own power. If they decide to accept something despite the problems, at least they know the problems and are making a conscoius decision. After all, some people are able to work their way through the problems and issus to arrive at conclusions that are suitable for themselves despite all the gray areas. Others (like me) are more into black-and-white thinking and require factual justification for what they believe. On a couple of the discussion boards that I visit from time to time, I've been told that simply because there are lies laced through Mormonism, including its history, it doesn't mean that it isn't a legitimate religion because all religions are composed of lies. I don't understand that logic, and I don't see how that makes the lies okay, but at least these people are thinking and not simply relying on what others have told them.
Of course, in my opinion, the most blatant example of relying simply on what a person is told is LDS missionaries. True, some of them know the actual truth and preach the gospel in spite of it, either due to family/social pressures or the "gray area" thinking I spoke about above. But there are many, many missionaries out there who do not know the actual history of the Mormon Church or its actual doctrines. For instance, most do not know the actual truth behind polygamy, the fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives, or the fact that polyandry was practiced by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, Parley P. Pratt, and others (in that they married women who were already married to living husbands). When faced with this fact, they say it didn't happen, and that polygamy started with Brigham Young on the Trek West to help widows and orphans (which is what I was told growing up and believed for way too long). This false scenario came clearly into view one day when I went on http://www.mormon.org/ and visited the link to chat with missionaries. During that visit, I chatted with a missionary named Elliott and asked him what could be the justification for polyandry being practiced - and he denied that it had ever been practiced. When I told him that it is verified on the Mormon Church's own genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/, he asked me for a link. And when I gave it to him, he disappeared for over 5 minutes and then came back and said he was going to have to get back to me about that.
Elliott was obviously blind-sided - and I can understand that feeling because I bought the official Mormon version of polygamy for many years, until I began doing my own research and discovered the truth behind it all. I'm sure that if I were to go back on the missionary chat line again and ask about the varying version of the First Vision, mentioning the fact that there are at least 9 different versions that were told at various times, that I would get the same type of answer - "that's simply not true, and if there are variations, it's only because these versions were told to different people at different times who remembered them differently." Yes, that is what I was told for many years - and unfortunately, I bought that explanation until I began doing my own research on that topic as well as many others.
So my advice is this: Do your own research. Do not rely on what you are told. And do not be a Mormon as depicted in the Book of Mormon Musical who "just believes" despite all the mounting evidence.
And in that vein, here is my latest hymn parody based (again) on this theme...
HOW SKEWED IS THE DOCTRINE
Sung to the tune of How Firm a Foundation, #85
How skewed is the doctrine presented as His Word,
And what Mormons preach is so patently absurd.
What more can I say than to you I have said,
Beware of the Mormons, beware of the Mormons,
Beware of the Mormons, and don’t be misled.
For most of my life, I adhered to what they taught,
But now, looking back, I can see that I was caught.
For I could not see that it’s simply not true.
The lies and deception, the lies and deception,
The lies and deception I finally saw through.
They’ll tell you that it is the one true church of God,
But if you look deeper, you’ll see that it’s a fraud.
Just look at the facts, and it all will be plain.
The truth is apparent, the truth is apparent,
The truth is apparent, no questions remain.
© Diane Tingen, 7/25/2011
Another LDS Hymn Parody. This one is set to Did You Think to Pray, #140, and highlights what happens when people simply attempt to shelve their doubts and try to be faithful in spite of all of the questions that are mounting in their brains. My reaction to that situation was to simply put all my issues on a shelf and pretend they weren't there - to keep moving forward in the Mormon mindset without really analyzing or examining any of it in any detail. For a very long time, I truly believed and followed the admonition that says, "When the Prophet speaks, the debate is over." Not a wise move on my part at all.
When I finally did begin to do my own independent research, I was 50 years old and preparing to go on a Mormon Church History Tour. I wasn't looking for anything to latch onto to fuel my impending apostasy, but rather simply wanted to know more about church history so I would be more versed when we visited the key places. Boy, was that an eye-opener! The more and more I read, the more I became convinced that it was a hoax from the very beginning, and that since then, the Church leaders have worked hard to perpetuate the fraud.
I will say that there had been things over the years that had bothered me. And that is where my shelf came in handy. Sticking those issues on that shelf and then trying to pretend they didn't exist did work for quite a while. But once I added all the information about Mormon Church history to the pile, it began to fall. For a while, I tried to hold it up and keep it all intact, thinking that perhaps I was misunderstanding it all - that if I prayed more, studied more, and tried to be even more faithful, that I would come to understand where my conclusions had gone wrong. But in the end, that didn't work and the shelf came tumbling down completely.
Of course, TBMs (true, believing Mormons) don't agree with my views - and that is their prerogative. But I truly hope that what I am presenting here will help them to open up their eyes and at least do some independent research so they will know what is contained in Mormon Church history and what its real doctrines entail. Until a person does that, they cannot "know beyond a shadow of a doubt" (as so many Mormons say in bearing their testimonies) that what they are adhering to religiously is the Word of God - or that the LDS Church truly is the "one and only true church on the face of the earth."
DID YOU STOP TO THINK?
Sung to Did You Think to Pray? #140
(aka Ere You Left Your Room this Morning)
When you read the Book of Mormon,
Did you stop to think?
Did you see anachronisms,
And the many contradictions,
Clearly out of sync?
(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.
When you heard about church history,
Did you stop to think?
Did you read yourself and study,
Not accepting every story
Each and every kink?
(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.
When you listened to the Prophet,
Did you stop to think?
When you heard what he professes,
Did you give up your own choices,
And completely shrink?
(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.
When your brain began to whisper,
"You should stop to think,"
Did you simply shelve the problems,
Watching them turn into volumes,
Closer to the brink?
(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.
When your doubts began to fester,
Did you stop to think?
Did you go into denial,
Trying hard to just be faithful,
And the Kool-Aid drink?
(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.
© Diane Tingen, 6/28/2011
I love to watch reruns of Seinfeld. So funny. And there are so many quotes and situations from that show that have made it into normal everyday conversation. The Soup Nazi. Muffin Tops. The Puffy Shirt. The Big Salad. Low talkers. J. Peterman catalog. Junior Mints ("They're so refreshing"). Art Vandelay. Toxic envelope adhesive. Yada yada yada.
Of course, the one here - "It's not a lie if you believe it" - is from an episode ("The Beard") in which Jerry Seinfeld was going to take a polygraph test as a result of a bet he made with a girl he was dating about whether or not he watched Melrose Place. Interlaced through that episode are story lines about Elaine dating a gay man and thinking she could get him to "switch teams," and George wearing a toupee as he begins dating a bald woman (and Elaine ripping the toupee of his head and throwing it out the window because she says he's acting like a jerk - after which the bald woman breaks up with George). That is one of the best things about Seinfeld episodes - the way in which so many story lines are intertwined.
That line - "It's not a lie if you believe it" - really says a lot. Many people lie to themselves all the time - and the more the lie is told, the more it seems less like a lie and more like the truth. Of course, involved in that process is a certain amount of delusion, especially when the lie starts to morph and transform into "the absolute truth" in the person's mind. And usually when that happens, they close themselves off to hearing any opposing opinions - or the actual facts.
But what is worse, at least in my opinion, is when religious organizations lie to people. After I began researching Mormon Church history, I began to realize just how many lies are present within Mormonism, not only in the telling of its history, but also in its doctrines and teachings. Things that I had been taught from childhood on turned out to be filled with lies and half-truths. Like Joseph Smith being jailed for his religious beliefs and being a religious martyr. That is simply not true. Joseph Smith was in Carthage Jail because he was a criminal, and was definitely not a martyr. He was arrested because he ordered the destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor press and the burning of the building in which it was housed after its owners dared to print the truth about his polyamous ways. I'm sorry, but those are criminal acts, and he deserved to be jailed for these actions. And to paint him as a religious martyr is beyond delusional.
And of course, there are many other examples of lying within Mormonism. The First Vision is a classic example. The fact that there are at least 9 versions of the First Vision is very telling. Joseph Smith just kept telling it and re-telling it until it morphed into the "official version" that the Mormon Church holds out today. But the fact is that until the last version, which wasn't even written down until 1838 (18 years after the fact), the First Vision didn't even speak of Joseph Smith having a visitation from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but rather said that he had been visited by "heavenly personages" and/or "an angel." It wasn't until a time when the church was losing many members due to the excommunications of Oliver Cowdery and the Whitmer brothers that Joseph Smith decided to "beef up" the First Vision to say that he had been visited by none other than Eloheim and Jesus Christ, two separate heavenly individuals.
Also, claiming that the Pearl of Great Price is scripture is an enormous lie. Saying that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Abraham from Egyptian papyri is a blatant falsehood. In fact, the more research I do, the more convinced I am that the Book of Mormon is a made-up piece of fiction, and that Joseph Smith no more translated it from golden plates than I did.
Lying for the Lord. Despicable. Unconscionable. Reeling people in with lies in order to gain power over them, control them, and get them to hand over lots and lots of money. Certainly not honest - and not Christian either. But sadly, the Mormon Church is very good at reeling people it and trapping them for life. And so these duped individuals live out their lives, believing in this bogus religious organization, convincing themselves that there is an explanation for it all - which we can't understand now, but if we endure to the end, after we shed this mortal coil, the truth of all these things will be made known to us, and then we will know that it was all worth it.
Delusional? Yes. But then, "It's not a lie if you believe it," right???
This picture really says a lot to me. On the left, of course, is a man who has uncovered the truth... but on the right is another man (presumably a "leadership" type ala Mormonism) quickly trying to shovel dirt back over the truth, saying "Some things that are true are not useful." From what I have been able to find, this is a quote by Boyd K. Packer from a talk entitled "Do Not Spread Disease Germs!" (Brigham Young University Studies, Summer 1981). In this talk, Boyd K. Packer went on to say, "I have come to believe that it is the tendency for many members of the Church who spend a great deal of time in academic research to begin to judge the Church, its doctrine, organization, and leadership, present and past, by the principles of their own profession.... In my mind it ought to be the other way around...." Also, in that talk, he continued by saying, "Your objective should be that they will see the hand of the Lord in every hour and every moment of the Church from its beginning till now....there is no such thing as an accurate or objective history of the Church which ignores the Spirit.... Church history can be so interesting and so inspiring as to be a very powerful tool indeed for building faith. If not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer..."
To me, these statements from BKP's talk speak volumes about Mormon Church history. For him to admit that studying Mormon Church history "may be a faith destroyer" is very telling. Of course, he prefaces that statement by saying that if the history is "not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer," but of course the use of the word "properly" is subjective. The standards by which he is defining the study of history are Mormon in nature. Of course, human nature is to question things, to be curious, but Mormonism attempts to stifle those innate tendencies completely - and is very successful in doing so as far as many, many people are concerned.
On a blog entitled Not Very Useful Truth, I found the following statement: "That I am totally enamored with the church now that my perspective has changed feels to many as if I am simply raging, but the reality is that the church is far more fascinating now that the sanitized and dogmatic presentation is transparent and the ugly warts are exposed. The history is absorbing and feels so alive - there is so much more appeal in the complicated mess as opposed to the faith promoting spin the church sells. It boggles my mind when I am told to put aside my interest in the real history and focus only on the positive when the "positive" is so often distilled to remove the impurities. As I have said before, the real history is not a secret and becoming ever harder to hide for the curious and thoughtful member, but that history will feel like a slap in the face when stumbled upon in Google after being told something entirely different for years and years."
This statement brings up so much of what I have felt over the years since discovering the real history of the Mormon Church. Finding out that I had been fed a white-washed and sanitized version of its history over the years definitely felt like a slap in the face. My journey away from Mormonism began in 2001, and even though I was able to find certain things, I was still reticent to explore too far on the internet because of the programming and brainwashing imposed on me since childhood. Was I looking at anti-Mormon propaganda? Was I falling into a trap? Was I believing information that wasn't true? Was I looking at it all from the wrong perspective? All of those questions, as well as many others, riddled my mind for a very long time. That is why it took me over 3 years to finally disassociate myself from the Mormon Church completely. I kept thinking that I must be misunderstanding it all - that I must be wrong because no one would lie like that. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), I came to the conclusion that what I was discovering was indeed the truth, and what I had believed since childhood was just a web of lies.
In fact, after being away from the church for over 3 years, I suddenly discovered Polyandry. I had researched a lot about the truth behind Polygamy and was very distressed by its realities. The fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives (when I didn't even realize that he had been involved in Polygamy, instead believing what I had been told about Brigham Young starting polygamy to help widows and orphans on the Trek West). Fanny Alger, who was Joseph Smith's second wife and first polygamous wife (and the fact that Oliver Cowdery called Joseph Smith's liaison with her not Polygamy but a "dirty, filty, nasty affair"). Teenage brides (10 of them), including Helen Mar Kimball (14 years old) who was obviously coerced into marrying Joseph Smith by him telling her that if she married him, she would assure the eternal salvation of herself and her entire family (and was given 24 hours to give him her answer). The stories of the Partridge sisters and the Lawrence sisters. And on and on and on, ad nauseum.
So when I discovered the very disturbing fact that Joseph Smith had married 11 women who were already married to living husbands, I was dumbfounded. It still upsets me that I spent 52 years in the Mormon Church and had never heard about polyandry. But there was the evidence - right on the Mormon Church's own genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/. Names like Lucinda Morgan Harris, Zina Huntington Jacobs, Prescendia Huntington Buell, Sylvia Sessions Lyon, Mary Rollins Lightner and others jumped out at me, and when I looked at their pedigree charts, I was blown away to discover that they had married Joseph Smith even though they were already married to other men - men who were living, who they had neither buried nor divorced. How was this acceptable? This was adultery, plain and simple. Religiously condoned adultery. Of course, it went against D&C 132 in its entirety, but it is obvious that Joseph Smith became so egotistical and comfortable in his position as a "Prophet of God," that he felt he could get away with anything. And this practice of Polyandry is a prime example.
Of course, there were people who tried to go against Joseph Smith about Polygamy and Polyandry - including Oliver Cowdery and William Law, but they were promptly excommunicated for going against Joseph Smith as a "Prophet of God." In fact, Joseph Smith's death was undeniably linked to Polygamy and Polyandry since it was after William Law had published the Nauvoo Expositor, exposing Joseph Smith's practice of Polygamy and Polyandry, and Joseph Smith ordering the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed, that he was arrested and placed in Carthage Jail. So although I had grown up and spent my entire life believing what I had been told about Joseph Smith being a religious martyr, the truth is that he was simply a criminal - and that is why he was in Carthage Jail when the mob stormed the jail and killed both Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum. Interestingly, I recently discovered that Joseph Smith actually had a gun during that shoot-out (that gun having been smuggled into the jail by Cyrus H. Wheelock who handed it to Joseph). In all my years in the church, I had never heard that story. But then, so much of what is told about the early days of the Mormon Church is mythical - just the "going like a lamb to the slaughter" line that is attributed to Joseph Smith as he was being taken to Carthage Jail, which is obviously completely untrue.
These are the types of things that the Mormon Church apparently sees as being "not useful truths." They expect their members to simply accept their version of things and not question anything. And if they do question, when they are given "the answer," they are supposed to accept it and not question anymore. While I in essence did exactly that for a very long time, I finally got the point where I could no longer simply accept what I was being told. I wish I had reached that point earlier in my life, but I'm very glad I finally reached it at all. Sadly, there are many people in the Mormon Church who will never reach that point, who will blindly go along their entire lives, accepting everything they are told. And that is very sad, indeed.
There's a lot to be said for knowing who you are and living your life accordingly. It seems to me that too many times, people try to conform to what they feel is "expected" of them. I know I used to do that. Being born and raised Mormon by extremely TBM parents, I tried so hard for so many years to be the perfect Mormon. To do what was expected of me. To follow the prophet without question. To be a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints. Not really thinking for myself, but rather simply accepting what I was taught. After all, they wouldn't lie to me, would they? No, the prophet knows best... right??
I guess that's what upset me so much when I finally started researching church history (at the age of 50). Discovering that I had devoted my life to a religion that is a total fabrication was a real shocker, and it hit me like a thunderbolt. When I realized that Joseph Smith was simply a shyster and a con artist who "invented" Mormonism as a way to gain power and money, I became nauseous - literally. I mean, I had stood up so many times over the years in Fast & Testimony meeting and said "I know the church is true, and I know that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God" - thinking that I really knew those things. So when I discovered that everything taught by the Mormon Church is based on a stack of lies, it really pulled the rug out from under me.
Of course, I had always heard that everyone needs to "gain a personal testimony" of the gospel - so having been born and raised in the church, I attempted to do that many times. And many times, I thought I had gained that "personal testimony." But in reality, I was simply adhering to the programming that had been so deeply imbedded inside me. After all, I had fasted and prayed, following what Moroni had promised in Moroni 10:4, to wit: "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost."
But even though I thought I had received that "burning in the bosom" that is talked about so often in the Mormon Church, once I realized just how many lies there are laced throughout Mormonism, I also realized that my "burning in the bosom" was simply part of the programming. After all, the "warm fuzzies" are not a reliable source of "confirmation" of anything. And besides, if I had admitted to myself that I had not actually received such a "confirmation," then I would have also had to admit that I must not have asked with a sincere enough heart, lacked real intent, or didn't have enough faith in Christ. In reality, isn't that what the church wants everyone to think? Don't they want people to talk themselves into believing that they really did receive that "burning in the bosom"? Because to believe otherwise would mean that there is something wrong with the Book of Mormon or that Moroni's promise is lacking. No, neither of those options were even possible. So even if the "confirmation" wasn't really received, good little Mormons profess that they did receive it. An outgrowth of the old "It's me, not them" philosophy.
Once I finally realized that the whole thing is a scam and a fraud, though, I felt as though an enormous burden had been lifted from my shoulders. For so many years, I felt as though the weight of the world was practically suffocating me - and in some respects, I didn't understand why. Many times, I blamed situational circumstances in my life, even thinking that perhaps I was simply a flawed individual who couldn't appreciate happiness. I spent so many years looking for peace of mind, but found that it eluded me constantly.
But once I came to terms with the fact that Mormonism is nothing but an enormous fraud, I also realized that the reason I had felt so discombobulated over the years was due to cognitive dissonance. Trying to rationalize out so many conflicting ideas had really done a number on me - and when I shed myself of the many years of programming, it felt as though a huge cloud lifted and the sun shone in on me for the first time.
And now, I am living an authentic life. My beliefs correspond with my thoughts and vice versa. Things that make no sense have been assigned to their proper place - not in my belief system, but rather in oblivion. The one thing that remains, though, is an occasional "return to anger," not only at the Mormon Church itself, but also at myself for allowing myself to be majorly duped for so many years. I still struggle with being angry at myself for not realizing sooner that it is simply a pile of rubbish, and that part still irks me to this very day.
But even my sporadic bouts of anger at my former "Mormonness" can't diminish the sense of peace and tranquility that has pervaded my soul. Yes, living an authentic life is quite simply a reward all its own.
