23?!!

Wow, I have now written 23 hymn parodies.  Can't believe it!!  When I started writing these, I figured I would just write a few and that would be it.  But for some reason, they just seem to keep coming to me.  Almost the minute I finish one, another one starts coming to me.  But in reality, I have pretty much gotten hooked on writing these - plus it's very cathartic for me.

Something funny.  In response to a post on the Sharing the Gospel through Social Media page on Facebook (which was put up to honor Joseph Smith on the 167th anniversary of his death on June 27 - and his supposed martyrdom), I posted one of my hymn parodies, entitled "Who is the Man?"  This hymn parody is set to the tune of Praise to the Man, #27 (which IMO glorifies Joseph Smith almost to the point of deity).  Someone (obvious TBM) commented that it must have taken me a long time to write that hymn parody, that it wasn't very clever, and that I should be doing something more productive with my time.  Another TBM commented, though, that although it is obvious that I have "mad writing skills" (which I took as a big compliment), I am misusing my talents for this purpose.  Oh, well... can't please everyone, now can you?

As numbers go, 23 apparently has some significance - and even an "enigma."  According to the linked Wikipedia article, there is some interesting information about the number 23:

23 Enigma - refers to the belief that most incidents and events are directly connected to the number 23, some modification of the number 23, or a number related to the number 23.

The 23 Phenomena - Robert Anton Wilson cites William S. Burroughs as being the first person to believe in the 23 enigma. Wilson, in an article in Fortean Times, related the following story:  "I first heard of the 23 enigma from William S Burroughs, author of Naked Lunch, Nova Express, etc. According to Burroughs, he had known a certain Captain Clark, around 1960 in Tangier, who once bragged that he had been sailing 23 years without an accident. That very day, Clark’s ship had an accident that killed him and everybody else aboard. Furthermore, while Burroughs was thinking about this crude example of the irony of the gods that evening, a bulletin on the radio announced the crash of an airliner in Florida, USA. The pilot was another Captain Clark and the flight was Flight 23."

23 Skidoo - popularized in the early 1920s and means "it's time to leave while the getting is good." It appeared in newspapers as early as 1906.

The Number 23 - Movie starring Jim Carrey (released in 2007), about a man who becomes obsessed with the number 23 while reading a book of the same title that seems to be about his life.

There is more interesting information about the number 23 on this Wikipedia page.  I really like Wikipedia - in my opinion, it is a great compilation of information with reliable references noted for everything on the website.  But someone else on the Facebook page that I mentioned above criticized me for relying on what Wikipedia says (and LOL'd me for it).  That comment was in response to some information I posted about Parley P. Pratt and his murder (and supposed martyrdom).  As I told this person, if she doesn't like Wikipedia, then use Google for some other source, or read a book, or do something other than just accept whatever the Mormon Party Line dictates.  After all, it is historical fact.

I'm not sure how many more of these hymn parodies I will write, but since all the ones I've written so far have come fairly quickly, I will probably write several more.  And maybe I'll look into recording all of these hymn parodies on a CD.  Who knows?  But it's obvious I'm not going to follow the philosophy of 23 Skidoo...

Apparently, the sky's the limit (for at least, the Ex-Mormon Hymn Book)...

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH - LDS Hymn Parody #7

OK, with this addition to the ever-expanding ExMormon Hymn Book, I have completed my initial designated list.  What a sense of accomplishment!!  LOL.  Of course, that doesn't mean I'm done because I'm sure I will think of other Mormon hymns that need to be "revised" for parody purposes.

The hymn If You Could Hie to Kolob (#284) may seem a little obscure, but it is my feeling that it needs to be included because of its subject matter.  When I realized that Kolob is an imaginary place made up by Joseph Smith as he did his "translation" of the Egyptian papyri that became the Book of Abraham, this hymn began to have new significance for me.  After all, as I did my research on the origins of the Mormon Church, I quickly came to the conclusion that the whole thing was a product of Joseph Smith's imagination and plagiarization - and he was able to pass it off because of his "charisma."   The bottom line is that he was a shyster, con artist, charlatan, swindler, fake, etc., etc.  When I realized the reality of it all, it really upset me that I allowed myself to be taken in by this fake religion created by such a man.  A total fraud.  Rough Stone Rolling, my ass.

Very little is available in actual Mormon doctrinal discussions on Kolob - but here is a link to the scriptures from the Book of Abraham about this "imaginary" place (the BoA being the only place in "church doctrine" where Kolob is even mentioned).  Also, here is an interesting article from Wikipedia - and here is some information from MormonThink.com about the Book of Abraham and Kolob.

And below is my hymn parody of If You Could Hie to Kolob.  I've tried to include some of the verbiage from the original hymn, particularly toward the end, in order to maintain the over-all theme (for lack of a better word) of this hymn (and comparing the original to my version will make the satirization even more apparent).

IF YOU COULD HIE TO UTAH

Sung to the tune of If You Could Hie To Kolob, #284

If you could hie to Utah
And the Mormons were not there,
No missionaries tracting,
No one on Temple Square.
Do you think that Salt Lake City
Would seem more comfortable
Without the Mormons preaching
Their doctrines and gospel?

Look at the “grand beginning”
When con man Joseph Smith
Made up his own religion,
Creating such a myth.
Methinks that Joseph tricked them,
Defrauding one and all,
Translating so-called scripture,
Unmitigated gall.

The works of Mormonism
Displayed so blatantly,
Trickery and deception
Are very plain to see.

There is no end to bullshit,
There is no end to crap,
There is no end to drivel,
It is a mindless trap.

There is no end to nonsense,
There is no end to tripe,
There is no end to hooey,
There is no end to hype,
There is no end to blather,
There is no end to bunk,
There is no end to hogwash,
It is a piece of junk.

There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.
There is no end to crazy,
There is no end to trash,
There is no end to flimflam,
It’s simply balderdash.

© Diane Tingen, 6/3/2011

And just in case you were wondering...

Supposed location of "Kolob" per the Book of Abraham.

  

Facsimile 2 (found with the papyri used to "translate" the Book of Abraham), showing depiction of "Kolob" at Center (Image 1).

 

   

Center of Facsimile 2 (above), showing "Kolob" at Image 1.

Seriously, just how ridiculous is this whole thing?  Total bullshit.  Luckily, however, I am now...