A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT - LDS Hymn Parody #8

After finishing the hymn parodies from my initially compiled "to do" list, I began perusing an alphabetical list; and the first one that caught my attention in the A's was A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29. When I was an active Mormon (TBM), I always loved this hymn, not only for its haunting melody and thoughtful words, but also for its history. Tale has it that John Taylor (who was arrested with Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum, but was then released on bail, had opted to stay in the jail with the "Prophet and Seer") sang this hymn in Carthage Jail, and so it has become almost an anthem for the (supposed) martyrdom of Joseph Smith. When finally discovering all the lies laced throughout Mormonism, though, this hymn lost its appeal for me. And since I visited Carthage Jail for the first time during the beginnings of my disaffection from the Mormon Church (in the summer of 2001), that experience was bittersweet for me then, especially since my then very TBM mother-in-law asked me to sing this hymn with a quartet outside Carthage Jail.

Carthage Jail


In writing my version below, I envision it as an anthem for all those who discover the truth but feel trapped inside the Mormon delusion - whether it be by age, family, situation or other circumstances. Looking back at my life, I realize that I started having doubts when I was a teenager even though I did not "discover" the things I speak of in this hymn parody until much later in my life. But as a teenager, I already had a lot of issues and questions. Growing up in the 60's, I was Mormon when Blacks could not hold the Priesthood, and that was a big issue for me. I never understood the reasoning behind what I considered to be blatant racism, and the explanations given to me seemed iffy at best (more on that in my book contained on this blog). Also, way back then, I had already started to realize that the Mormon Church is a male-dominated, male-oriented, double-standard type of religious organization that uses guilt as a weapon and expects everyone to be Cookie Cutter versions of each other. This was not a popular opinion back then, and I was very shy and self-conscious in those day so wasn't vocal about my private mindset.

Also, even though I didn't know the actual background of the practice of polygamy back then, it still bothered me that it had been practiced at all; and that, according to Mormon doctrine, it will be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom. This was not a pleasant thought for me, but I put it on my shelf with all of my other issues. And of course, the constant questions from people when they found out I was Mormon was a thorn in my side back then as well. You know, comments like "So how many mothers do you have?" among many others.

And of course, in the 70's, there was the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) with which to contend. This is when my opinions about feminism and equal rights began to solidify - and is probably the first period during which my father told me that my "liberal ideas were going to get me in trouble one day." I suppose if you consider the fact that I have left the Mormon Church and am now a full-blown ExMormon as "getting me into trouble," then he was right. Of course, I don't look at it like that. I see my transformation as an extremely positive event in my life.

But during my teenage years and on into my 20's and 30's, I believed the not-so-subliminal message that was given to me that if I felt that way, then it was my own fault - and that I just needed to have more faith, be more humble, pray more, study more, attend all of my Church meetings regularly, and all that. And if I did those things, then I would come to understand and accept everything about the church. I wish I had been more of an independent thinker back then and less concerned about what people would think of me if I doubted. Luckily, I finally arrived there albeit at a much more advanced stage of my life. But at least I arrived there - and that's what is important.

And so, here is my "revision" of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief...

A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT

Sung to the tune of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29

A poor bewildered girl of doubt,
More than confused by what she read.
She had been born in the Mormon Church,
But now, it simply filled her with dread.
She thought the church had come from God,
But now she feared it was a ruse.
And so she struggled with what to do,

She couldn’t think of any excuse.

Her Mom and Dad were TBM,
Believing all of it down the line.
And until now, she had no doubts,
Believed it, too, it was divine.
She always prayed and went to church,
Sacrament and Young Women, too.
And temple marriage was her goal,
Living life with an eternal view.

But as she looked at what she found,
It looked as though it was a myth.
What she had found was awful stuff

About the prophet Joseph Smith.
It said he married teenage girls,
And other women, he wed them, too.
It made her sick to think of this,
And she did not know what to do.

She thought of all that she’d been taught
About polygamy, way back when.
They said it started with Brigham Young,
She heard the story time and again.
He married widows, took care of them,
It all began on the journey West.
The orphaned children he did protect,
The picture painted, she was impressed.

But now that she had learned the truth,
That she’d been duped throughout the years,
Her soul was crushed, she felt betrayed,
Began to cry, and fought back the tears.
Why did they lie, not tell the truth?
Yes, Joseph Smith had lead the way.
Perpetuating all the lies,
Preserving them for modern day.

As she read the names of all his wives,
She counted them at 33.
What was the reason for all of that?
Perhaps he wanted them sexually?
11 women already wed
To living husbands with no divorce.
And 10 who were in their teenage years,

Which first wife Emma denied, of course.

And then there was the martyrdom,
When Joseph died in Carthage Jail.
But now, she knew the truth of this,
A criminal whose lies prevail.
A printing press destroyed by him,
Lamb to the slaughter is what he said,
He thought he was above the law,
A mob attacked, and he was dead.

Not only that, but there was more
Disturbing stuff from history.
Like Mormon scriptures, filled with lies,
The Book of Mormon, pure fantasy.
She thought about the golden plates
She sang about in Primary,
The Nephites and the Lamanites
Did not exist, so clear to see.

“It’s all a lie, right from the start,”
She said out loud though no one there.
She felt alone but could not express
How she was filled with such despair.

The more she thought, the more she knew
She must keep quiet for a while,
Not tell her parents or anyone,
Just go along with the perfect smile.

But as she pondered what all this meant,
She felt a burden lift from her.
And she knew no matter what was said,
It’s all deception, that’s for sure.
But though the truth would set her free,
She had to bide her time for now.
But when she finally turned 18,
Then to none of this would she kowtow.

© Diane Tingen, 6/5/2011

WHO IS THE MAN? - LDS Hymn Parody #2

Over the time that I've been writing poetry (and the occasional set of lyrics), I've discovered that when I start thinking about a particular topic in poetic terms, my brain just starts churning, and it doesn’t stop until whatever I’m writing is done.  Sometimes I think that's a curse because these thoughts tend to take over my brain, making it very difficult to do anything else.  Of course, having that happen makes me understand how many writers, musicians and other creative people tend to make their creativity the main focus of their lives, to the exclusion of a 9-to-5 job.  I would love to do that, too... but I like eating too much (that, and a roof over my head).

So here is my latest addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book.  I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before more twisted lyrics start popping into my brain...

WHO IS THE MAN?
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Man, #27

Who is the man who made up Mormonism?
His name was Joseph, and conning was his game.
He was a shyster beyond all description,
Fraudulent scams are his legacy and shame.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up all the lies.
Finally I saw through the maze he created,
So glad I finally have opened up my eyes.

Who is the man who bedded Fanny Alger,
Starting the con that polygamy would be?
Yes, that was Joseph, he said God’s commandment
Was that his wives should number 33.

Chorus:
We can blame Joseph for all the deception,
He is the one who made up this big yarn.
Cover his ass was his main motivation
When Emma caught him with Fanny in the barn.

Who is the man who practiced Polyandry,
Married 11 of other men’s wives?
Joseph again, coercing all these women,
Plotting and planning as he messed with their lives.

Chorus:
Mormons now praise him, and call him a martyr,
Saying persecution is why he was killed.
But they won’t face that the truth is much different,
Simply a criminal, not as he is billed.

Who is the man who destroyed a printing press
When stories published exposed polygamy?
Yes, this was Joseph, he ordered the burning,
Nauvoo Expositor, demolished violently.

Chorus:
That is the reason that he was arrested,
That is the reason he was in Carthage Jail.
Armed with a shotgun when the mob attacked him.
So was he a martyr? No, that premise must fail.

Sadly, so much of the lies and deception
Will never dawn on most TBMs out there.
Instead, they buy what they’re told to believe in,
And anything “Anti” they’re told to beware.

Chorus:

Whatever happened to critical thinking?
Judge for yourself, and you’d see it’s all inane.
Evidence shows it’s just lies and deception,
It would be clear if you’d simply use your brain.

© Diane Tingen, 5/26/2011

Yes, sadly I bought into all this for a very long time... in fact, 52 years of my life.  Having been OUT for many years now, I feel lucky to have escaped the closed mindset that goes along with being Mormon.  After doing my own independent research, I discovered that it's actually a fraud perpetuated by Joseph Smith, and carried on by many others since his death.  Here's a few images to wrap up this new addition to the ExMormon Hymn Book. 

Joseph Smith, Founder,Prophet and Seer of the Mormon Church.

Joseph Smith "reading" the gold plates, which he later "translated" into the Book of Mormon.

Joseph Smith, placing his head in a hat to "translate" the Book of Mormon.

Some crazy shit.

"SOME THINGS THAT ARE TRUE ARE NOT USEFUL"

This picture really says a lot to me.  On the left, of course, is a man who has uncovered the truth... but on the right is another man (presumably a "leadership" type ala Mormonism) quickly trying to shovel dirt back over the truth, saying "Some things that are true are not useful."  From what I have been able to find, this is a quote by Boyd K. Packer from a talk entitled "Do Not Spread Disease Germs!" (Brigham Young University Studies, Summer 1981).  In this talk, Boyd K. Packer went on to say, "I have come to believe that it is the tendency for many members of the Church who spend a great deal of time in academic research to begin to judge the Church, its doctrine, organization, and leadership, present and past, by the principles of their own profession.... In my mind it ought to be the other way around...."  Also, in that talk, he continued by saying, "Your objective should be that they will see the hand of the Lord in every hour and every moment of the Church from its beginning till now....there is no such thing as an accurate or objective history of the Church which ignores the Spirit.... Church history can be so interesting and so inspiring as to be a very powerful tool indeed for building faith. If not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer..."

To me, these statements from BKP's talk speak volumes about Mormon Church history.  For him to admit that studying Mormon Church history "may be a faith destroyer" is very telling.  Of course, he prefaces that statement by saying that if the history is "not properly written or properly taught, it may be a faith destroyer," but of course the use of the word "properly" is subjective.  The standards by which he is defining the study of history are Mormon in nature.  Of course, human nature is to question things, to be curious, but Mormonism attempts to stifle those innate tendencies completely - and is very successful in doing so as far as many, many people are concerned.

On a blog entitled Not Very Useful Truth, I found the following statement:  "That I am totally enamored with the church now that my perspective has changed feels to many as if I am simply raging, but the reality is that the church is far more fascinating now that the sanitized and dogmatic presentation is transparent and the ugly warts are exposed.  The history is absorbing and feels so alive - there is so much more appeal in the complicated mess as opposed to the faith promoting spin the church sells.  It boggles my mind when I am told to put aside my interest in the real history and focus only on the positive when the "positive" is so often distilled to remove the impurities.  As I have said before, the real history is not a secret and becoming ever harder to hide for the curious and thoughtful member, but that history will feel like a slap in the face when stumbled upon in Google after being told something entirely different for years and years."

This statement brings up so much of what I have felt over the years since discovering the real history of the Mormon Church.  Finding out that I had been fed a white-washed and sanitized version of its history over the years definitely felt like a slap in the face.  My journey away from Mormonism began in 2001, and even though I was able to find certain things, I was still reticent to explore too far on the internet because of the programming and brainwashing imposed on me since childhood.  Was I looking at anti-Mormon propaganda?  Was I falling into a trap?  Was I believing information that wasn't true?  Was I looking at it all from the wrong perspective?  All of those questions, as well as many others, riddled my mind for a very long time.  That is why it took me over 3 years to finally disassociate myself from the Mormon Church completely.  I kept thinking that I must be misunderstanding it all - that I must be wrong because no one would lie like that.  Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), I came to the conclusion that what I was discovering was indeed the truth, and what I had believed since childhood was just a web of lies.

In fact, after being away from the church for over 3 years, I suddenly discovered Polyandry.  I had researched a lot about the truth behind Polygamy and was very distressed by its realities.  The fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives (when I didn't even realize that he had been involved in Polygamy, instead believing what I had been told about Brigham Young starting polygamy to help widows and orphans on the Trek West).  Fanny Alger, who was Joseph Smith's second wife and first polygamous wife (and the fact that Oliver Cowdery called Joseph Smith's liaison with her not Polygamy but a "dirty, filty, nasty affair").  Teenage brides (10 of them), including Helen Mar Kimball (14 years old) who was obviously coerced into marrying Joseph Smith by him telling her that if she married him, she would assure the eternal salvation of herself and her entire family (and was given 24 hours to give him her answer).  The stories of the Partridge sisters and the Lawrence sisters.  And on and on and on, ad nauseum.

So when I discovered the very disturbing fact that Joseph Smith had married 11 women who were already married to living husbands, I was dumbfounded.  It still upsets me that I spent 52 years in the Mormon Church and had never heard about polyandry.  But there was the evidence - right on the Mormon Church's own genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/.  Names like Lucinda Morgan Harris, Zina Huntington Jacobs, Prescendia Huntington Buell, Sylvia Sessions Lyon, Mary Rollins Lightner and others jumped out at me, and when I looked at their pedigree charts, I was blown away to discover that they had married Joseph Smith even though they were already married to other men - men who were living, who they had neither buried nor divorced.  How was this acceptable?  This was adultery, plain and simple.  Religiously condoned adultery.  Of course, it went against D&C 132 in its entirety, but it is obvious that Joseph Smith became so egotistical and comfortable in his position as a "Prophet of God," that he felt he could get away with anything.  And this practice of Polyandry is a prime example.

Of course, there were people who tried to go against Joseph Smith about Polygamy and Polyandry - including Oliver Cowdery and William Law, but they were promptly excommunicated for going against Joseph Smith as a "Prophet of God."  In fact, Joseph Smith's death was undeniably linked to Polygamy and Polyandry since it was after William Law had published the Nauvoo Expositor, exposing Joseph Smith's practice of Polygamy and Polyandry, and Joseph Smith ordering the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed, that he was arrested and placed in Carthage Jail.  So although I had grown up and spent my entire life believing what I had been told about Joseph Smith being a religious martyr, the truth is that he was simply a criminal - and that is why he was in Carthage Jail when the mob stormed the jail and killed both Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum.  Interestingly, I recently discovered that Joseph Smith actually had a gun during that shoot-out (that gun having been smuggled into the jail by Cyrus H. Wheelock who handed it to Joseph).  In all my years in the church, I had never heard that story.  But then, so much of what is told about the early days of the Mormon Church is mythical - just the "going like a lamb to the slaughter" line that is attributed to Joseph Smith as he was being taken to Carthage Jail, which is obviously completely untrue.

These are the types of things that the Mormon Church apparently sees as being "not useful truths."  They expect their members to simply accept their version of things and not question anything.  And if they do question, when they are given "the answer," they are supposed to accept it and not question anymore.  While I in essence did exactly that for a very long time, I finally got the point where I could no longer simply accept what I was being told.  I wish I had reached that point earlier in my life, but I'm very glad I finally reached it at all.  Sadly, there are many people in the Mormon Church who will never reach that point, who will blindly go along their entire lives, accepting everything they are told.  And that is very sad, indeed.

LEAVING? HOW CAN ANYONE STAY WHEN...

I was on Facebook earlier this week and saw a link to a website called http://www.dovesandserpents.org/, and in particular to a post entitled "Leaving."  After reading it, I couldn't help but think about why I left the Mormon Church, and in doing so, of course, I felt compelled to post a comment.

This was the comment I posted:

Yes, making the decision to leave is hard because Mormonism becomes so engrained in your psyche due to the brainwashing and programming that goes on. I was born and raised Mormon by two very TBM parents. I went through Primary, Young Women and 4 years of Seminary. I went to BYU for two years. I was married in the temple. I was active and believing for many, many years.

Then in July 2001, I went on a Mormon Church History Tour. Beforehand, I decided to do some research about church history so I would know more about the details when I visited the key places. Being born and raised Mormon, I had just gone along for so many years, believing what I was taught. But at the point, I felt like I needed to know about church history on my own in order to get as much as I could out of the trip. As it turned out, that was the beginning of the end for me as I began to discover all the lies, deceptions, cover-ups and contradictions behind Mormonism. In the process of my research, it became increasingly crystal clear to me that Joseph Smith made the whole thing up — and because of his charisma and con-artist background, he was able to get a lot of people to believe and go along. How can anything good come from something that is built on lies? And so many lies. The differing versions of the First Vision and the fact that the “official” version wasn’t even written down until 1838, which was 18 years after the vision supposedly took place, and at a time when the church was losing many members due to the excommunications of Oliver Cowdery and the Whitmer brothers for opposing Joseph Smith on his practice of polygamy (so the First Vision was “beefed up” to say that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ whereas previously he had only said that he had seen “heavenly personages”)… the truth behind polygamy, the name Fanny Alger, and the fact that Joseph Smith had 33 wives including 11 teenage brides, in many cases behind Emma’s back and without her knowledge and/or consent (which goes against what D&C 132 outlines)… the truth behind the supposed “martyrdom of Joseph Smith” and why he was really in Carthage Jail since in reality he was not a martyr but simply a criminal having ordered the destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor (and the burning of the building in which it was housed) after William Law and some others published a story exposing Joseph Smith’s practice of polygamy… the fact that Joseph Smith had a gun in Carthage and fired shots defending himself… the truth behind the Kirtland Bank, the financial fiasco including charges of counterfeiting, etc, etc…

Discovering all of this really shook my faith, so much so that when I got home from the trip, I decided to continue my research. That is when I discovered the truth behind the Book of Abraham and the fact that the papyri were simply Egyptian funeral scrolls and Joseph Smith’s “translation” of them was bogus… the truth behind the Book of Mormon, the anachronisms, and the strong possibility that the entire book was plagiarized, most likely from writings of Solomon Spaulding… the truth behind Blacks and the Priesthood, and the very real possibility that when the Blacks were given the Priesthood in 1978, it was because the Mormon Church was being threatened with getting their tax-exempt status taken away (as was the case with Bob Jones University, which did indeed get their tax-exempt status taken away in 1980 due to their discriminatory dating policy).

Because of all this, I finally came to the conclusion that I had to disassociate myself from the Mormon Church. At that point, I couldn’t fathom staying in a religion that plays so fast and loose with the truth.

Interestingly, it wasn’t until after I had already left that I discovered the practice of polyandry and the fact that Joseph Smith married 10 women who were already married to living husbands. This is in essence religiously-condoned adultery, and even went against D&C 132 in its entirety. What gave Joseph Smith the right to marry other men’s wives? What gave him the right to commit adultery in the first place? It all boils down to the fact that he was out of control and thought he could get away with anything. 

I have never regretted my decision to leave the Mormon Church – and I have a very hard time understanding how anyone who knows these things could possibly stay.
_______________________________

So that was my post.  It's all so clear to me.  As far as I am concerned, the bottom line is THE TRUTH.  And it really pisses me off when people lie to me.