DEAR ANONYMOUS

You posted 3 comments on my blog today, and although I would like to respond directly to you, you've made that impossible since you posted them anonymously.  According to my Feedjit App, you live in Mesa, Arizona, but that doesn't give me enough information to locate you.  So I will post this open letter with the hopes that you will come back to my blog to "check in" and will find it.  And by the way, it seems to me that those who post anonymously are too cowardly to post using either their real name or at least a way for someone to contact them.  If a person is secure in their opinions, shouldn't they be willing and able to handle whatever response they may get?  I'm not hiding behind a pseudonym here, and I'm certainly not posting anonymously.  I'm very firm in my opinions about the lies and deception that are laced throughout Mormonism, and I'm ready to discuss them at any time.

The first comment you posted was this:  "Mormonism is true. I am a Mormon. No, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know who I am and I won't forget it, not now, not ever. You may have forgotten who you are and what your divine destiny is, but trying to convince others that it's not true isn't right. How can you do this to others? How can you make these awful claims of the truthfulness of the gospel? How can you leave it when the Spirit can be felt so strongly at times? How can you do this to yourself?"  By Anonymous on Mormonism Seuss-ified at 1:21 PM

You say that although you know who you are and won't forget it, not now, not ever, that I may have forgotten who I am and what my divine destiny is.  You go on to say that trying to convice others that it's not true isn't right, and ask how I can do this to others, even going on to ask how I can make these awful claims of the truthfulness of the gospel... how can I do this to myself?  To answer your questions, how can I NOT do this?  When I discovered the lies and deception laced throughout Mormonism, I was flabbergasted.  I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, and I never expected to discover that the religion on which I had based my life was actually a fraudulent scam.  But that's exactly what it is, and if you would do some independent research instead of relying on what the Mormon Church tells you to believe, you might discover the truth as well.  If you want to read the entire background on my journey away from Mormonism, you can read my book which is posted on this blog.

The second comment you posted was this:  "You must not know what Mormon heaven is if you'd rather choose the other way.  And you must not understand what the other way holds."  By Anonymous on Heaven... or Hell??? at 1:24 PM

Yes, I know what "Mormon Heaven" is claimed to be.  The Celestial Kingdom.  A fantasy place made up by Joseph Smith, along with two "lower" kingdoms called the Terrestrial Kingdom and the Telestial Kingdom.  He made up a lot of stuff, and simply because there were people who bought it all doesn't mean it's true.  As the saying goes:

And as far as what "the other way" holds (i.e. Hell), I'll take my chances.  After all, no living person really knows what the Afterlife holds.  They can profess a religious belief, but no one knows what is true until it's too late to tell others.

Your third comment is the most interesting by far... and definitely the most rambling:  "Why would Joseph Smith create such a lie and still continue on with it? If it wasn't true, why did he allow himself to be tarred and feathered? If it was a made-up story, why would he choose to preach it and show such strength even though he was killed in the end? If it was a lie, why would he allow his friends and family and HIMSELF to be tortured, beaten, spit upon, and torn up in such an awful way? Why didn't he, if it wasn't true, just drop the whole idea in the end? Make people like him like the rest of the world would have done? And if it's a lie, why did so many people join? Why not just his closest friends and families? Why millions? Why? Because: it IS true. Quite often when people have something great to share, it isn't believed. The world says it is so amazing that it can't be true and the people all believe the world. Except for the ones who really try, who really pray; why would the early members, including Joseph Smith, have kept going had it been a lie? It makes no  sense; if you have the chance to win twenty million dollars but people say it's not real, it's fake, but it really is, are you going to give up, knowing that you could have gotten that twenty million dollars, or that celestial salvation, in the end? Would you give up your chance on twenty million just because people discourage you? Or would you work at it and keep going until you HAVE twenty million? Think on that. Because it is true. And the reason people keep going through all the trials and tribulations brought upon them by the world is because they have found something great. It's because they've found something amazing, astounding, something worth sharing. Once you got your twenty million, wouldn't you share the chance with your family members, friends? Wouldn't you want them to be just as happy as you are? But the reward of celestial salvation is MUCH more than twenty million; it's more than anyone could even comprehend on their own. The things that He has in store for us are amazing, are truly astounding, are way greater than any trials or tribulations could ever overcome. Why shouldn't we share it with people? Why shouldn't we want our family members and friends, everyone, be as happy as we are? That's why we continue on. That's why we don't stop. That's why we don't and why we will never give up. That's the reason we are so happy. Because it is true and we know it. We know who we are. We know who we can become. We know what's in store and what we can gain. We know it. We know who we are. I know who I am. And I hope you do too; because if you decide to continue like this, you won't get your twenty million. Why would anyone give up that chance?"  By Anonymous on Called to Dupe Them - LDS Hymn Parody at 1:35 PM

When someone goes on and on to the point of rambling, it is usually a sign that a nerve has been hit.  Perhaps that is the case with your three comments, particularly since they were posted this afternoon in the course of 14 minutes.  To comment on your first list of questions from this third comment, I'll break it down.

1.  Why would Joseph Smith create such a lie and still continue on with it?  Plain and simple, it is my opinion that Joseph Smith created Mormonism to gain power over people and to get their money.  He became a rich and powerful man because of Mormonism.  And as far as I am concerned, that was his motivation.  Plus he pretty much got to say whatever he wanted, and people hung on his every word.  Plus he creating polygamy, marrying 10 teenage girls (one as young as 14), and 11 women who were already married to living husbands.  Yes, I do believe the his sexual appetite and desire to bed numerous women was the motivation behind his invention of polygamy and polyandry.  The evidence is there.  Just look at it.

2.   If it wasn't true, why did he allow himself to be tarred and feathered?  This question is actually pretty funny.  If a group of people were going to tar and feather someone, the act doesn't occur because the victim has "allowed" it to happen.  They are captured - and then tarred and feathered.  What you need to ask yourself is WHY was Joseph Smith tarred and feathered.   Research that question and the name Nancy Miranda Johnson will come up.  Here's a link that gives some interesting information about this incident.  And before you pass this information off as "anti-Mormon propaganda," please remember that these are historical facts. 

3.  If it was a made-up story, why would he choose to preach it and show such strength even though he was killed in the end?  Well, I've already stated my opinion on why Joseph Smith chose to preach Mormonism.  As far as showing strength and being killed in the end, he was not killed because of "religious persecution" as touted by the Mormon Church (and as I was told growing up).  He was arrested and placed in Carthage Jail because he ordered the destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor printing press (and the burning of the building in which it was housed) after a story was published exposing the truth behind Joseph Smith's practice of polygamy and polyandry.  And the mob that attacked him while he was in Carthage Jail did so because of Joseph Smith's practice of polygamy/polyandry and what was exposed in the article published in the Nauvoo Expositor (and by the way, did you know that he had a gun with him during the shoot-out and shot it?  That was news to me, too).  The fact that he was in jail for this act did not make him a religious martyr upon his death but rather a criminal.  It really irritates me that I was taught otherwise, and sang hymns like "Praise to the Man."  It wasn't until I did my own independent research that I began to discover the truth behind it all.  I just wish I had done my research much earlier in my life so I wouldn't have spent 52 years in a religion that plays so fast and loose with the truth - and was obviously a hoax from the get-go.

4.  If it was a lie, why would he allow his friends and family and HIMSELF to be tortured, beaten, spit upon, and torn up in such an awful way?  Why didn't he, if it wasn't true, just drop the whole idea in the end?  Those are good questions and ones that in most likelihood have several answers.  Yes, the Mormons were persecuted for their beliefs.  But Joseph Smith was the one who had the most to lose if he were to turn away from it.  In my opinion, he craved the power that he gained by being the founder of Mormonism.  From what I have read, he was very charasmatic and was able to get people to follow him.  But in the process of establishing Mormonism, he told a lot of lies and kept digging his hole deeper and deeper.  How could he suddenly say it wasn't true?  How could he turn away from it when he had created such a money machine?  No, instead of turning away from it, he just kept moving and moving and moving... from New York... to Ohio... to Missouri... to Illinois.... hoping that people would leave him and his followers alone.  But in the end, he couldn't just leave well enough alone and began a campaign to run for President of the United States.  Such arrogance.  And that was probably the final nail in his coffin.  Of course, after his death, Brigham Young took over and moved the Mormons to Utah where he built an incredible empire and made himself a very rich man.   And so the lies were perpetuated... and more men became rich and powerful on the coat tails of the "Saints."

5.  And if it's a lie, why did so many people join? Why not just his closest friends and families? Why millions?  Why did so many people join?  Well, the answer is obvious.  They were told lies that they bought - and the Mormon community was so closed off from the rest of civilization that they became trapped in the lifestyle.  Back in the beginnings of the church, they didn't have the internet (or Google) to lead them to the truth.  Lies weren't so easily discovered until the advent of the internet, but now they are easily uncovered.  You really should do some research.  Just Google it.  Like this paraphase of a scripture used by the Mormon Church says, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Google, and the truth will be made known unto you."  Of course, the lies and deception continue today, and people who join the Mormon Church today are not told the truth behind Mormonism.  It isn't until they begin to do their own research that they discover that the religion they have joined is a fraud.  Very sad state of affairs.

As far as the statistics broadcasted by the Mormon Church today, it claims 14 Million members.  Worldwide.  And what is the total world population today?  7 Billion.  At 14 Million, that is .2% of the world's population.  That's not even 1%.  Not even 1/2 of 1%.  After all, 1 Billion is 1,000 million.  But the fact is that number is highly inflated since it includes inactive members, excommunicated members, and deceased members (no, they don't take those names out of their numbers - look it up). So let's talk active members. Perhaps 4 Million.  And at the real number of 4 million members, that is .06% of 7 Billion.  Barely over 1/2 of 1% of the entire world's population.  So what does the Mormon Church really have to brag about in saying it has 14 Million members?  Not very much when you compare that number to the world's population.  Yes, I know - that's why the Mormon Church has baptism for the dead.  For those who never had the opportunity to hear the gospel.  Just another one of Joseph Smith's inventions.

You use the analogy of the 20 Million dollars.  Well, my blog contains another analogy.  This is a quote by Christopher Miller.

Some of you are probably thinking, "Why don't you just leave them (the Mormons) alone?" So I ask you, if you saw a thirsty man drinking water from a well you knew to be poisoned, would you let him continue to drink or would you guide him to a safe well?

In my ExMormon state, I prefer to try to guide people away from this bogus religion rather than just sit by quietly and watch them continue to be poisoned.  Seems like the humane thing to do.

And in closing, Dear Anonymous, you can keep the 20 Million dollars.  Particularly if Joseph Smith has anything to do with handing it out.  Because in actuality, it will probably be illegal tender left over from his Kirtland Safety Society Anti-Banking Company scheme.

A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT - LDS Hymn Parody #8

After finishing the hymn parodies from my initially compiled "to do" list, I began perusing an alphabetical list; and the first one that caught my attention in the A's was A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29. When I was an active Mormon (TBM), I always loved this hymn, not only for its haunting melody and thoughtful words, but also for its history. Tale has it that John Taylor (who was arrested with Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum, but was then released on bail, had opted to stay in the jail with the "Prophet and Seer") sang this hymn in Carthage Jail, and so it has become almost an anthem for the (supposed) martyrdom of Joseph Smith. When finally discovering all the lies laced throughout Mormonism, though, this hymn lost its appeal for me. And since I visited Carthage Jail for the first time during the beginnings of my disaffection from the Mormon Church (in the summer of 2001), that experience was bittersweet for me then, especially since my then very TBM mother-in-law asked me to sing this hymn with a quartet outside Carthage Jail.

Carthage Jail


In writing my version below, I envision it as an anthem for all those who discover the truth but feel trapped inside the Mormon delusion - whether it be by age, family, situation or other circumstances. Looking back at my life, I realize that I started having doubts when I was a teenager even though I did not "discover" the things I speak of in this hymn parody until much later in my life. But as a teenager, I already had a lot of issues and questions. Growing up in the 60's, I was Mormon when Blacks could not hold the Priesthood, and that was a big issue for me. I never understood the reasoning behind what I considered to be blatant racism, and the explanations given to me seemed iffy at best (more on that in my book contained on this blog). Also, way back then, I had already started to realize that the Mormon Church is a male-dominated, male-oriented, double-standard type of religious organization that uses guilt as a weapon and expects everyone to be Cookie Cutter versions of each other. This was not a popular opinion back then, and I was very shy and self-conscious in those day so wasn't vocal about my private mindset.

Also, even though I didn't know the actual background of the practice of polygamy back then, it still bothered me that it had been practiced at all; and that, according to Mormon doctrine, it will be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom. This was not a pleasant thought for me, but I put it on my shelf with all of my other issues. And of course, the constant questions from people when they found out I was Mormon was a thorn in my side back then as well. You know, comments like "So how many mothers do you have?" among many others.

And of course, in the 70's, there was the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) with which to contend. This is when my opinions about feminism and equal rights began to solidify - and is probably the first period during which my father told me that my "liberal ideas were going to get me in trouble one day." I suppose if you consider the fact that I have left the Mormon Church and am now a full-blown ExMormon as "getting me into trouble," then he was right. Of course, I don't look at it like that. I see my transformation as an extremely positive event in my life.

But during my teenage years and on into my 20's and 30's, I believed the not-so-subliminal message that was given to me that if I felt that way, then it was my own fault - and that I just needed to have more faith, be more humble, pray more, study more, attend all of my Church meetings regularly, and all that. And if I did those things, then I would come to understand and accept everything about the church. I wish I had been more of an independent thinker back then and less concerned about what people would think of me if I doubted. Luckily, I finally arrived there albeit at a much more advanced stage of my life. But at least I arrived there - and that's what is important.

And so, here is my "revision" of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief...

A POOR BEWILDERED GIRL OF DOUBT

Sung to the tune of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief, #29

A poor bewildered girl of doubt,
More than confused by what she read.
She had been born in the Mormon Church,
But now, it simply filled her with dread.
She thought the church had come from God,
But now she feared it was a ruse.
And so she struggled with what to do,

She couldn’t think of any excuse.

Her Mom and Dad were TBM,
Believing all of it down the line.
And until now, she had no doubts,
Believed it, too, it was divine.
She always prayed and went to church,
Sacrament and Young Women, too.
And temple marriage was her goal,
Living life with an eternal view.

But as she looked at what she found,
It looked as though it was a myth.
What she had found was awful stuff

About the prophet Joseph Smith.
It said he married teenage girls,
And other women, he wed them, too.
It made her sick to think of this,
And she did not know what to do.

She thought of all that she’d been taught
About polygamy, way back when.
They said it started with Brigham Young,
She heard the story time and again.
He married widows, took care of them,
It all began on the journey West.
The orphaned children he did protect,
The picture painted, she was impressed.

But now that she had learned the truth,
That she’d been duped throughout the years,
Her soul was crushed, she felt betrayed,
Began to cry, and fought back the tears.
Why did they lie, not tell the truth?
Yes, Joseph Smith had lead the way.
Perpetuating all the lies,
Preserving them for modern day.

As she read the names of all his wives,
She counted them at 33.
What was the reason for all of that?
Perhaps he wanted them sexually?
11 women already wed
To living husbands with no divorce.
And 10 who were in their teenage years,

Which first wife Emma denied, of course.

And then there was the martyrdom,
When Joseph died in Carthage Jail.
But now, she knew the truth of this,
A criminal whose lies prevail.
A printing press destroyed by him,
Lamb to the slaughter is what he said,
He thought he was above the law,
A mob attacked, and he was dead.

Not only that, but there was more
Disturbing stuff from history.
Like Mormon scriptures, filled with lies,
The Book of Mormon, pure fantasy.
She thought about the golden plates
She sang about in Primary,
The Nephites and the Lamanites
Did not exist, so clear to see.

“It’s all a lie, right from the start,”
She said out loud though no one there.
She felt alone but could not express
How she was filled with such despair.

The more she thought, the more she knew
She must keep quiet for a while,
Not tell her parents or anyone,
Just go along with the perfect smile.

But as she pondered what all this meant,
She felt a burden lift from her.
And she knew no matter what was said,
It’s all deception, that’s for sure.
But though the truth would set her free,
She had to bide her time for now.
But when she finally turned 18,
Then to none of this would she kowtow.

© Diane Tingen, 6/5/2011

BLOGGING...

When I saw this Doonesbury cartoon strip, I really laughed.  That kind of says it all, doesn't it?!!  And although it doesn't necessarily describe me (at least, I'd like to think it doesn't), I can certainly relate to its sentiments.

When I first created my blog, it was to post a book I have written about my Exit from Mormonism entitled, "Finding My Own Voice: A Former Mormon Woman's Journey of Self-Discovery."  Once I had posted my book, though, I decided to start posting my ideas as well.  Expressing my distress and disgust with the Mormon Church and the way in which I was brainwashed into believing so many ridiculous things has really helped me continue to sort through it all.   

Overall, blogging has become one of my ways of coping with all I have been through, and sorting through the endless list of ridiculous beliefs I adhered to for so many years.  After all, I was 52 years old before I finally left the Mormon Church so there is A LOT for me to sort through.  STILL. 

 

Several months after starting blogging, I discovered Main Street Plaza (http://www.latterdaysaintmainstreet.com/) and Outer Blogness (www.outerblogness.org) - and I felt I had "arrived" when my blog began to appear in the feed on that website.  Of course, the Mormon-related correlations between the names Outer Blogness and Outer Darkness aren't lost on me... and I find the parallels rather amusing...

These days, I have really gotten into blogging.  Especially after entering Outer Blogness.  I find it exhilarating and life-affirming to state my opinions openly for the first time in my life, and to realize that my opinions are actually being heard and appreciated.  Blogging has become one of my lifelines, just as has going on various ExMormon discussion boards and joining some ExMormon Facebook groups.  Blogging (and the thoughts that go into it) feeds my soul just as reading some other Ex-Mormon blogs has done.  And of course, realizing that I'm not alone in my position regarding the Mormon Church is very assuring as well.

Once I opened my mind to the actual facts, I began to see that I had been a SHEEP my whole life, just following along without really thinking about it.   Simply going with the flow, doing what I saw everyone else doing.  Believing what I was told to believe.  Not making any waves.  Becoming complacent.  And since breaking away from the mold, I've come to see my blog is a statement reflecting what is embodied in this Far Side cartoon:

In many ways, I see my blogging as a way to reach out to others who are stuck in the goose-step march that so epitomizes Mormonism.  And I've become so comfortable with my Ex-Mormonism that I have even begun to mention my blog on Facebook, something that would have made me very wary and nervous just a few months ago.  I am very proud of my progression from Mormon Woman... to Former Mormon Woman... to Openly Full-Blown Ex-Mormon Woman.

And it feels very good to finally just be ME.  I make no apologies for who I am anymore, which I did regularly when I was an active Mormon.  You know... never feeling good enough, never doing enough, never able to relax and just exist without feeling like I should be doing more, always worried that unless I tirelessly did everything "they" said I should, I wouldn't make it to the Celestial Kingdom.  It was exhausting being a Mormon.

Accepting ME for who I am has been a big step, and it feels very good not to expect so much from myself anymore.  And I certainly don't feel the urge to confess anything to a Mormon Bishop anymore...



Now if I could just figure out how you can die from blogging...

RELIGIOUS DELUSIONS

As if religion (and particularly Mormonism) is the only path to being a good person or finding goodness in the world...

Of course, the Mormon Church takes it one step further, and says that only certain "righteous" Mormons will make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom... and anyone who isn't Mormon will go to either the Terrestrial Kingdom or the Telestial Kingdom.  But wait... there is baptism for the dead, so if someone dies without becoming Mormon, they can rectify that problem in the Afterlife.  Isn't that convenient (as the Church lady would say).

But Mormons take it even further by believing that they can eventually become Gods themselves. Yes, I know President Gordon B. Hinckley told a reporter in 1997 when being interviewed for the Time magazine article entitled Mormons, Inc., "I don't know that we teach that," but they do and have all along.  The statement "As man is now, God once was; as God now is, man may become" is a Mormon belief, which I heard repeatedly when I was growing up, and it always bothered me.

The reporter said, "God the Father was once a man as we are.  This is something that Christian writers are always addressing."  Then the reporter asked President Hinckley, "Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are?" And his reply was: "I don't know that we teach that. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it, but I don't know a lot about it, and I don't think others know a lot about it."

Oh, really?  He seriously didn't know if the Mormon Church teaches that?  The reality of the situation, though, is that President Hinckley knew that the Mormon Church teaches that, but he didn't feel comfortable discussing it so he went into a song-and-dance routine.  What a cop-out.

Moral of the story (ala Mormonism):

When cornered, make something up... and certainly don't tell the truth.

HEAVEN... or HELL???

This is an interesting sign.

HEAVEN up - and HELL down.

Contemplating this picture, I have to say that if given the choice between these two "final destinations," I would have to pick HELL... particularly if Heaven is the Mormon version...

Mormon heaven = Celestial Kingdom.

As Billy Joel said in his song, "Only the Good Die Young"...

They say there's a heaven for those who will wait,

Some say it's better but I say it ain't,

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints,

The sinners are much more fun...

I totally agree.  Heaven (or the Celestial Kingdom as coined by Joseph Smith) sounds extremely boring with a bunch of Mormons sitting around, reading scriptures.

And the procreating that would be going on.

All that polygamy and no birth control.

Way too many kids, and no Ritalin to be found.  Seriously.

Naturally, we all have preconceived notions about what Heaven is like as opposed to Hell.

HEAVEN is usually depicted as being in the clouds, serene and peaceful.  Everyone dressed in white with angels flying around. 

HELL, on the other hand, is normally pictured as a burning fire of brimstone where everyone will suffer endless torture - the Devil ever present with his pitchfork to help keep control of the masses.

It's interesting to consider different images of HELL and the way it is depicted in various forms.  One of the funniest images of HELL is from Far Side cartoons.  Here's just a few...

Some people can be happy anywhere.  This guy is apparently completely oblivious to the fact that he is in HELL.  The eternal optimist, making the best of a bad situation.  Missing the point entirely.

And the one below has always made me laugh.  Of course, part of the humor for me comes from feeling this way too many times in my life - particularly in one very long-term job I had in Los Angeles working for an abusive boss... and in one of my marriages.  Enough said. 

Of course, no one living knows what HEAVEN and HELL are really like.  One day, we will all find out if either one really exists or if they are both a figment of someone's imagination (into which a lot of people have bought).  I mean, really... when you look at life from a non-religious point of view, things really start to appear differently in many respects, and especially in regard to the purpose of life and the nature of death.  Things don't seem so ominous to me now.  And everything doesn't seem quite so serious as I was lead to believe when I was an active Mormon.

Since leaving Mormonism and organized religion behind, I now consider myself to be Agnostic and really don't know what to believe anymore.  Part of me wants to believe in God and Heaven (just not the Mormon version), and another part of me thinks that perhaps after this life is over, we all cease to exist.  Interestingly, that thought doesn't scare me at all.  For some reason, I was much more frightened and tenuous about afterlife types of questions when I was Mormon.  Probably because I always dreaded the Mormon version of Heaven - the Celestial Kingdom (one of Joseph Smith's inventions).

Here's another very funny Far side cartoon.  Gary Larsen has such an interesting view on things, doesn't he?  I've always loved his cartoons and was very disappointed when he retired in 1995.  But during his career, he produced some very funny cartoons (albeit off-beat), which were also very thought-provoking.  Depicting harps as the musical instrument of choice in Heaven, and accordions as the assigned instrument in Hell.  Very funny. 

But regardless of what our opinions are about life and death, in the end, we will all "shuffle off this mortal coil."  Of course, that term is from William Shakespeare's Hamlet, which contains the "To be or not to be" soliloquy.

William Shakespeare - To be, or not to be (from Hamlet)

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?  To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

Shakespeare offers interesting thoughts on life and the nature of death.  The last part of that soliloquy is especially thought-provoking:  "...the dread of something after death, the undiscover'd country from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of?"  Similar to tolerating the devil we know as opposed to the devil we don't know. 

And what more can be said after Shakespeare has weighed in?
With a few Far Side cartoons thrown in for good measure...

WOMAN... BY 15 MORMON MEN???

This book cover has appeared in several places over the past couple of weeks, posted by various people on Facebook and some blogs (mostly ExMormons).   Of course, the fact that it was written by the 15 men listed (all Mormon leadership types) on the subject of WOMAN has garnered much ridicule (and rightfully so).  I mean really, this book cracks me up big time since these Mormon men attempt to explain the "role of woman"... according to Mormonism, of course.

Since this book was published in 1979, when I was only 28, it propels me back to the unrealistic expectations I felt so burdened by back then.  When I was growing up, I had a very conflicted view of what a woman's role should be in the world.  First, I had the Mormon Church telling me that a woman's place is in the home, that women should be "helpmeets" to their husbands, that they should bare as many children as the Lord gives them, that the woman sets the tone in the home, and so on.  Marriage is considered to be the ultimate goal of a woman -- and without her husband, she cannot be saved in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom (which is where all good Mormons strive to go after this life).  But on the other hand, I had my mother's example, which was in direct conflict with what the church said.  I'm not saying that she wasn't a good member of the church because she was - she served as Relief Society President when I was a teenager, and she held many other callings including Ward Choir Director, Gospel Doctrine teacher, and Stake Librarian (which was her calling at the time of her death).  My mother did everything "according to the book" except that she worked outside the home.  She was also a very strong, competent woman, and appeared to "wear the pants in our family."  By saying that, I'm not intimating that my father was a wimp or anything, or that he kowtowed to my mother, but it was apparent to me from an early age that my mother was much "stronger" than my father in many ways.  My mother was a career woman who also took care of our home, and while she cooked and cleaned and all that, so did my father.  On the surface, it appeared to be a "partnership" in which they shared the duties equally, but under that facade, I surmized that my mother was actually in charge.

When I got engaged to my first husband, I remember my mother telling me that if I married him, I would have to be the strong one.  That puzzled me at the time because I didn't understand what she was saying.  But looking back now, I see that she was right and knew what she was talking about, not only because she was a very good judge of character and saw that my first husband was not very strong in many ways, but also because she had been there.  She had to be the strong one in her marriage, and although I know she loved my father and that he loved her, there were many instances where her being the "strong one" became very apparent.

So in many ways, it's probably not all that surprising that I have become an "apostate."  My eventual apostasy from the church had to do with historical and doctrinal issues -- but I suppose when my life is examined, it is clear that I was never really "in the mold" of a typical Mormon woman.  Having my mother as my role model created that conflict to a certain degree, and I opted for the career woman path from an early age.  And while I got married at 22, I did not fulfill that "Mormon mandate" of motherhood until I was 30 when I had my one and only daughter.  My waiting to have children had to due with my first husband's lack of maturity and "fasincation" with pornography to the point where I didn't feel comfortable bringing children into our home.  And then, when I was about to turn 30, my biological clock went off and I decided that once we had a child, he would become more responsible, including curbing his fascination with pornography.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen and due to his irresponsible handling of the pornography, my daughter got exposed to pornography at a very early age.  So yes, my mother was right -- I did have to be the strong one in my first marriage in many ways.

While I have not read the subject book ("Woman") per se, I can imagine what it contains, mainly because there are many quotes on Womanhood out there by various Mormon leaders (who are men, of course).

Here are but a few: 

I sat this morning with some of my brethren who are among our most prominent leaders. One of the brethren said he had recently had requests from two sisters, at different times, asking if he would give them a special blessing so that they could have children. On inquiry he found that in their earlier married life they had refused to have children, and now, when they desire children, for some reason they can’t have them.

Another one of my brethren spoke up and said, “That reminds me of our own experience. We married quite young and we had our children, five of them, before my wife was 28. Then something happened and we were not able to have any more children.” He continued: “If we had delayed having our family until after I had my education, which would have been about that time, we probably would have had no children of our own.”

When I consider those who enter into holy wedlock in the Lord’s own way and receive the divine commandments to multiply and replenish the earth, then through their own designs fail to observe the commandment, I wonder if, later on when they are ready to have the children, the Lord might not think: “Maybe this is the time for you to do a little soul-searching in order for you to come back to the realities for which you have been placed upon the earth.”

Harold B. Lee, "Maintain Your Place As a Woman," Ensign, Feb. 1972, 48

In reading this quote, I can't help but think for the umpteenth time that the Mormon Church wants all women to be cookie-cutter versions of each other.  No allowance for individuality or personal preference.  For a religion that professes to believe in Free Agency, there is no leeway offered for individual circumstances.  And the guilt that is placed on those members who do not follow the prescribed path is enormous.

Another quote:

I would like to express the hope we all have for you, which is so real, that you will be exalted in the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom and that you will enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.  Dear sisters, never lose sight of this sacred goal. Prayerfully prepare for it and live for it. Be married the Lord’s way. Temple marriage is a gospel ordinance of exaltation. Our Father in Heaven wants each of His daughters to have this eternal blessing.

Therefore, don’t trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple. Make a decision now that this is the place where you will marry. To leave that decision until a romantic involvement develops is to take a risk the importance of which you cannot now fully calculate.

And remember, you are not required to lower your standards in order to get a mate. Keep yourselves attractive, maintain high standards, maintain your self-respect. Do not engage in intimacies that bring heartache and sorrow. Place yourselves in a position to meet worthy men and be engaged in constructive activities.

But also, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so concerned about his physical appearance and his bank account that you overlook his more important qualities. Of course, he should be attractive to you, and he should be able to financially provide for you. But, does he have a strong testimony? Does he live the principles of the gospel and magnify his priesthood? Is he active in his ward and stake? Does he love home and family, and will he be a faithful husband and a good father? These are qualities that really matter.

And I would also caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn’t worth it and you can do just as well on your own. Some of our sisters indicate that they do not want to consider marriage until after they have completed their degrees or pursued a career. This is not right. Certainly we want our single sisters to maximize their individual potential, to be well educated, and to do well at their present employment. You have much to contribute to society, to your community, and to your neighborhood. But we earnestly pray that our single sisters will desire honorable marriage in the temple to a worthy man and rear a righteous family, even though this may mean the sacrificing of degrees and careers. Our priorities are right when we realize there is no higher calling than to be an honorable wife and mother.

Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1988, 96

Clearly indoctrination.  Trying to make women believe that they only have one path to follow is a constant goal of the Mormon Church.  Individuality in thought, perception, personality and character are not encouraged in the slightest.  Of course, this makes a lot of women feel inadequate, like they don't measure up to the proper standard.  Seeking to be identical to every other woman in Mormonism is asking all women to live in a cookie-cutter world.  In reading this, I can't help but also think how condescending and patronizing his whole ramble is.

One paragraph in particular really annoys me, and that is "And I would also caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn’t worth it and you can do just as well on your own."  This statement is obviously aimed at making women feel as though they aren't complete without a man in their life, without a husband.  There are a lot of single women in the Mormon Church who are made to feel that they don't fit in, that they are outcasts, that they aren't good enough because they are single.  And telling those single women "not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn't worth it and you can do just as well on your own" is attempting to diminish their self-worth.

One more quote:

"As fathers we should have love unbounded for the mothers of our children. We should accord to them the gratitude, respect, and praise that they deserve. Husbands, to keep alive the spirit of romance in your marriage, be considerate and kind in the tender intimacies of your married life. Let your thoughts and actions inspire confidence and trust. Let your words be wholesome and your time together be uplifting. Let nothing in life take priority over your wife--neither work, recreation, nor hobby."

Russell M. Nelson, "Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women," Ensign, May 1999, 39

I think this quote is especially interesting because it contradicts completely the mandate for every member to become immersed in the church to the point where they hold callings that take them away from the home constantly.  This is particularly true for men who become Bishops, Stake Presidents, Stake Missionaries, and other very time-consuming callings.  Even callings like Ward Clerk can involve dedication of great chunks of time. So for Russell M. Nelson to say, "Let nothing in life take priority over your wife--neither work, recreation, nor hobby" is very contradictory.  But then, he didn't say religion, did he?

Strong women fascinate me, and I applaud them.  Being able to transcend the boundaries that men attempt to place on women, particularly in religious settings, is admirable beyond words, particularly while they maintain their individuality, personality, femininity, and ambition.

There are women who are perfectly content and completely fulfilled by staying home and raising children - that can be a wonderful role for many women.  But to tell a women who does not find that fulfilling and needs a life outside of her home that she is somehow defective or misguided is simply wrong.  No person should feel that they must be practically an identical clone of another person, no matter whether that person is male or female.  To me, people are people and should be treated as such.

Of course, Feminism is very much frowned on in the Mormon world.  Obviously, the terms Feminism and Mormonism do not go together -- they are mutually exclusive terms.  I realized this early on, and although I had the conflicting examples and messages of my mother and the Mormon Church, I felt internal strife over what my role in the world should be.

But despite the mixed messages I received, I found myself leaning more toward feminist views as I became older.  Several women have struck me over the years as pioneering women in the feminist movement.  In looking at their contributions to the Feminist movement, I find it interesting to examine that against what the Mormon Church forcefully propounds.

Sonia Johnson.  Very famously, Sonia Johnson was a Mormon woman who was also a feminist activist and writer.  Because of her support of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1977, and her speaking out publicly in very critical terms against the Mormon Church's stance on it, she was excommunicated from the Mormon Church.  She went on to publish several feminist books and became a popular feminist speaker. 

Of course, there were many women who had paved the way previous to that time.  Some of them are mentioned below.

Simone de Beauvoir.  Lately, I've been reading some writings of Simone de Beauvoir and her book, The Second Sex, which was written in 1949 and published in 1953.  Interesting time frame, especially since I was born in 1951.  She was definitely a pioneer in the Feminist arena, being one of the first women to speak out.  Although her ideas were very controversial and revolutionary at the time, they have come to be very accepted today - everywhere except within male-oriented, male-dominated religions like Mormonism.  In fact, some might actually say that the Mormon Church is somewhat misogynistic.

From Wikipedia: 

In the chapter "Woman: Myth and Reality" of The Second Sex, Beauvoir argued that men had made women the "Other" in society by putting a false aura of "mystery" around them.  She argued that men used this as an excuse not to understand women or their problems and not to help them, and that this stereotyping was always done in societies by the group higher in the hierarchy to the group lower in the hierarchy.  She wrote that this also happened on the basis of other categories of identity, such as race, class, and religion.  But she said that it was nowhere more true than with sex in which men stereotyped women and used it as an excuse to organize society into a patriarchy...

Beauvoir argued that women have historically been considered deviant, abnormal.  She said that even Mary Wollstonecraft considered men to be the ideal toward which women should aspire. Beauvoir said that this attitude limited women's success by maintaining the perception that they were a deviation from the normal, and were always outsiders attempting to emulate "normality."  She believed that for feminism to move forward, this assumption must be set aside.

Beauvoir asserted that women are as capable of choice as men, and thus can choose to elevate themselves, moving beyond the 'immanence' to which they were previously resigned and reaching 'transcendence', a position in which one takes responsibility for oneself and the world, where one chooses one's freedom.

Here are some interesting quotes by Simone de Beauvoir:

The most mediocre of males feels himself a demigod as compared with women.

This has always been a man's world, and none of the reasons that have been offered in explanation have seemed adequate.

Man is defined as human being and a woman as a female -- whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male.  

Betty Friedan.  Another noteworthy feminist of the same basic era was Betty Friedan, who was the author of the book "Feminine Mystique," which was published in 1963 and is said to have sparked "second wave feminism" in the United States.  This book dealt with the increasing dissatisfaction of many women in the 1950's and early 1960's, many of whom were unhappy with their lives as suburban housewives, a role which had been assigned to them by men and society.  Even though many of these women were living in material comfort, and were "happily married" with children, they were basically unhappy. 

In Chapter 1 of the Feminine Mystique, Friedan points out that during the 1950's, the average age of marriage was dropping and the birthrate was increasing for women, yet the widespread unhappiness of women persisted, although American culture insisted that fulfillment for women could be found in marriage and housewifery.  At the end of this chapter, she said, "We can no longer ignore that voice within women that says: 'I want something more than my husband and my children and my home.' "

So this was the backdrop against which I grew up.  A mother who was very career-oriented but who tried to juggle it all within the confines of Mormonism.  A father who was very pious and dogmatic about Mormonism, which also created its own degree of conflict for me since what I heard and what I saw were two different things.  And while I felt drawn toward being a career woman, I also "wanted it all," and tried to accomplish that goal in three marriages, all of which ended in divorce for various reasons.

Obviously, having feminist views as a woman in the Mormon Church is like performing a tightrope act.  One misstep and the feminist woman goes plunging into oblivion with no safety net to catch her.  Sonia Johnson is one Mormon woman I admire because she stood up for what she believed and didn't kowtow to what the Mormon Church told her she must do.  And there are many other Mormon woman (both current and former) that I admire for that quality as well.

Another of those brave (former) Mormon women I admire is Maxine Hanks.  She was born in 1955, and is a feminist theologian who compiled and edited the book Women and Authority: Re-emerging Mormon Feminism (1992).  She served an LDS Mission, taught at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, and worked for BYU in the 1980s.  She had been writing or researching on Mormon topics since 1975, including LDS history, theology, and women's issues.  She has continued her work on women’s studies relating to Mormonism and religion in general, having studied at the Harvard Divinity School and then pursing Gnosticism, in which she became clergy in 1999, and she is very active in interfaith work. 

Interestingly, Maxine Hanks was one of the September Six who were excommunicated from the Mormon Church in September 1993.  The other members of the September Six were Lynne Kanavel Whitesides (disfellowshipped, a feminist noted for speaking about Mother in Heaven); Avraham Gileadi (excommunicated, Hebrew scholar and literary analyst); Paul Toscano (excommunicated, a Salt Lake City attorney who co-authored with his wife a controversial book, Strangers in Paradox: Explorations in Mormon Theology (1990), and, in 1992, co-founded The Mormon Alliance); Lavina Fielding Anderson (excommunicated, feminist writer who was a former editor of the Ensign Magazine); D. Michael Quinn (excommunicated, Mormon historian, author, and contributor to Maxine Hanks’ book mentioned above).

It is interesting to note that Margaret Merrill Toscano (wife of Paul Toscano, with whom he co-authored the above-mentioned book) was excommunicated on November 30, 2000.  Of these individuals, only Avraham Gileadi has been re-baptized, and Lynne Kanavel Whitesides is still disfellowshipped.

This drive toward censorship was blatant and unmitigated.  If you would like to read more about the September Six, I discuss them in more detail in my book, "Finding My Own Voice: A Former Mormon Woman's Journey of Self-Discovery" in Chapter 10 which is entitled, "Research from Unauthorized Sources."

Here is an article by Maxine Hanks entitled "Perspective on Mormon Women."  While this article is somewhat off topic from the above, it provides an interesting "perspective" on the subject of Mormon women, and some insight into her views.
__________________________________________ 

PERSPECTIVE ON MORMON WOMEN
A Struggle to Reclaim Authority
The priesthood they exercised in the early church
has been lost, but the voice of feminism will not be silenced.

By MAXINE HANKS

Maxine Hanks is the editor of

Women and Authority:
Re-emerging Mormon Feminism
She lives and writes in Salt Lake City.

Los Angeles Times
Sunday July 10, 1994
Home Edition
Opinion, Page 7

 

When Howard W. Hunter became president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints last month, his first public act was a plea for alienated Mormons to "come back," or return to fellowship.  Yet more than half of the 9 million church members can never participate fully because they are women.  To find reconcilliation, Mormon women must look to the past.

The historical relationship of men and women in the Mormon church is a conflicted one. In 1992, I published a book that explores long-ignored aspects of that history and attempts to retrieve the soul of Mormon women's spiritual life. For that, I was accused of apostasy.

 

Mormon women obtained authority early in the history of the church and then fought a losing battle to keep it. Their concerns were not taken seriously, so men's authority prevailed. Feminism emerged in the struggle, in the energy of women's rhetoric and work and in their resistance to male agendas.

 

Mormon women exercised considerable religious authority in the LDS Church for 100 years and maintained some autonomy for 140 years. During the first 20 years of Mormonism, from 1830 to 1850, women received authority for blessings, healing and prophecy; priesthood keys, powers and rituals; and missionary calls. Women clashed with male leadership and lost authority at the turn of the century and again in the 1970s. Since 1991, Mormon feminists have encountered a backlash against their attempts to reclaim women's authority. Today's church holds that women cannot exercise priesthood, therefore women are not "ordained" but only "set-apart" to church positions. As a full-time LDS missionary, I sensed I had priesthood, but spent 19 months being denied the right to use it.

 

Although women's authority is plainly evident in Mormon history, today's male church leaders won't acknowledge it, for that would mean having to take responsibility for the sins of their fathers and grandfathers who revoked that authority. Instead, they blame Christ. Over and over again, male leaders assert that female priesthood is "contrary to the Lord's plan" and that today's church "follows the pattern the Lord has set."

 

The extreme gender imbalance in Mormonism re-emerges in Utah's masculinist culture, where government, education and business are run by Mormon men in the shadow of Salt Lake's tallest building, the LDS church offices. In Utah, women as well as men repress the feminine, starve it and then overcompensate: We crave sweet and fatty foods for comfort; we gain weight to feel loved; men act effeminate and women self-destruct with prescription drugs, obesity, depression and too many kids. Hostility to women manifests in subtle and shocking ways. Apostle Boyd Packer said, "I could tell most of the secretaries in the church office building that they are ugly and fat. That would be the truth, but it would hurt and destroy them."

 

Male-dominant culture offers women a choice between female powerlessness or male-identification. A respected local therapist told me that she sees many Mormon women who "actually believe they are men." My book was an attempt to heal, by moving beyond male-defined identity to a place of female identification, definition and power, and by removing obstructions to women's relationship with God.

 

My feminist views were never welcome in church, so I turned to the public marketplace of ideas. Yet for two years, church leaders threatened me not to speak publicly about Mormon feminist issues. Excommunication was a small price to pay for my voice. It didn't take away my theology or my spirituality, which the church does not control. God's spirit cannot be homogenized, mass-produced and marketed by blue-suited septuagenarians from a high-rise in downtown Salt Lake City.

 

I was told that my feminist ideas were "contrary to the laws and order of the church." I agree. My excommunication was justifiable. Still, these are men's laws and men's orders, not women's. In 1884, Eliza R. Snow, "prophetess" and president over all women and girls in the church, made it clear that the women's Relief Society, which she headed, was "designed to be a self-governing organization. "If difficulties arise," she wrote, ". . . the matter should be referred to (the) president and her counselors." Later, when men assumed governance over women, they usurped women's authority. I cited Snow to the 15 high priests set to judge me, but it had no impact on them. It did, however, liberate me from participating in their illusion. They excommunicated me to silence feminists and send a message of fear to Mormon women, but their action had the opposite effect: Visibility and discussion soared, and my book is in its second printing.

 

So, where does this leave Mormon women? They have a strong feminist tradition. Whether today's women can reclaim their authority and priesthood in the church and fully participate remains a question; first, they must find authority within themselves. But I will not "come back" to a church that crushes female authority and individual conscience.

__________________________________________ 

Interesting last line to that article -- I will not "come back" to a church that crushes female authority and individual conscience.  And I wholeheartedly agree.  However, unlike what I perceive from this statement, regardless of what women were allowed to do or be in the beginnings of the Mormon Church, and regardless of whether the church "crushes female authority and individual conscience," I could never return to being a Mormon because of all the evident lies, deception, cover-ups and contradictions laced through its history, teachings and doctrine.  I have felt so much happier, and so much less burdened, since disassociating myself from the Mormon Church that it's really a no-brainer for me.

Mormon no more... and finally happy!!