CLUELESS MORMONS - Song Parody of "Desperado" by the Eagles

CLUELESS MORMONS

Sung to the tune of Desperado by the Eagles

Clueless Mormons, why don’t you come to your senses?
You been blindly believin’ for so long now.
Oh, it’s a hard one
And I know that you got your reasons,
But what they are telling you
Will hurt you somehow.

Don’t you think about the lack of truth?
The lies and plain deception?
You know that Googling is always your best bet.

Now it seems to me some signals

Have been laid upon your table,
But you turn away and seem to just forget.

Clueless Mormons, it ain’t getting’ no truer,
The lies and deception, they’re right there to see.
And freedom, oh freedom, well, that’s us ExMormons talkin’ -
Our prison was broken when we saw through the lies.

Don’t the lies get old in the Mormon Church?
It makes no sense when you really search,
It’s clear to me deception is their game.
You’re grasping at the slightest sign,
But it’s obvious it is not what they claim.

Clueless Mormons, why don’t you come to your senses?
Put down your defenses, open your eyes.
It may be painful, but there's support all around you,
You better stop your just believing (stop your just believing),
You better stop your just believing,
See through the disguise.

© Diane Tingen, 12/4/18

HOTEL MORMONISM - ExMormon Song Parody of Another Eagles Classic

This song parody basically wrote itself with very little effort from me.  Of course, it's a great song to begin with - one of my favorite Eagles songs - and I've thought for a long time that it would lend itself well to creating an LDS song parody.  So thanks to the Eagles for the original song and music... and thanks to the Mormon Church for the inspiration!!

HOTEL MORMONISM

Sung to the tune of Hotel California

I was born and raised Mormon, no choice for me then,

Brainwashing successful, said Amen and Amen.
And I never would question, I learned to just go along,
My brain was empty and my thoughts were dim,
But I could see it was wrong.

There I stood in the doorway, saw the light at last,
And I was thinking to myself
This could be nothing or this could be vast.
As I researched on Google, it would show me the way,
There were voices from the internet,
I thought I heard them say...

[Chorus]Goodbye to the Hotel Mormonism,
When you get a taste (when you get a taste),
Such a total waste.
Closing the rooms at the Hotel Mormonism,
Thanks to what’s out there (thanks to what's out here),
Google lays it bare.

My mind is definitely lifted, I saw how foolish I’ve been.
I found a lot of very blatant lies, lots of spin.
How they skirt all the issues, just duck and weave.
They’re told not to question, they’re told just believe.

So I stopped being Mormon, could not compromise,
I knew I hadn’t felt the spirit there since I found all the lies.
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake me up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say...

[Chorus]
Goodbye to the Hotel Mormonism,
When you get a taste (when you get a taste),
Such a total waste.
Closing the rooms at the Hotel Mormonism,
Thanks to what’s out there (thanks to what's out here),
Google lays it bare.

And now I can see it, the brainwashing in place,
And I know they are all just prisoners there of their own device.
And in the Mormon chapel, they gather once again,
They listen to the programming, and they just all say Amen.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door,
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.
"Relax," said the Bishop, "We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!"

© Diane Tingen, 11/13/18

CRAZY CAT LADY??!!

I was looking through comments on my blog and came across one that was posted in August 2018 (to "Come, See All the Lies - LDS Hymn Parody #119).

Here's the comment:  "Wow, it seems like you have a lot of free time to do this type of crap.  Get a life, cat lady!"

So Ms./Mr. ANONYMOUS, here's my reply to you:

You may see me as a "crazy cat lady" (the word crazy is implied in the phrase "cat lady"), but this blog and the hymn/song parodies I write are my way of dealing with how the Mormon Church micro-managed my life for 54 years.  If you happened to actually read my blog, you know that I feel the Mormon Church is a bogus religion which was created by Joseph Smith and perpetuated through the years by other men for their own questionable purposes.  Although you may not like what you phrase as the "crap" I write, that doesn't matter to me.  What does matter to me is getting the word out there to help others who may be struggling with questioning Mormonism, and to add my voice to the choir of dissenters who hope that one day the Mormon Church will cease to exist just as other dangerous cults have disintegrated in the past.

The fact that you even went on my blog is a statement all by itself.  Perhaps you were just surfing the web or perusing blogs, but it is more likely that you are a True Believing Mormon (TBM).  The fact that you called what I write "crap" and characterized me as a "crazy cat lady" is a dead give-away.  Usually when TBMs find information on the internet like that which is contained in my blog, they have to lash out.  But even if they do last out as you have done, it is still my sincere hope that a seed has been planted and may grow into actual questioning.  Any religion worth adhering to should be able to be examined under a microscope in order to determine its credibility.  When I did that with Mormonism, though, it did not stand up under the scrutiny.  If you're interested, all of my views about Mormonism are contained within a book I have written - "Closing the Door on Mormonism: The AHA! Moments that Triggered my Awakening," available as an e-book on Amazon/Kindle.

As I've said before about ANONYMOUS comments, making a comment to which I can't reply directly to the person is the epitome of cowardice.  I am not ANONYMOUS on my blog or anywhere else.  My real name is all over this blog, and I can be contacted easily by email through my blog, so no one has any excuse for posting an anonymous comment other than being afraid to talk to me directly.  And if by any chance you wish to come out of the shadows, you know where to find me. 

And one more thing - I have a dog.  One dog.

GASLIGHTING - ExMormon Song Parody

GASLIGHTING and MORMONISM.  After reading a blog entry on the Post Mormon Mental Health website entitled Mormons, you aren't going crazy - it's called Gaslighting, I started to see that there is a definite connection between the two.  In my opinion, what the Mormons Church does is brainwash its members, and it seems apparent to me now that one of the tactics they use is gaslighting.  After all, also in my opinion, Mormonism is replete with lies, so something has to be done in order to make people buy into it all, and continue to believe it despite volumes of evidence to the contrary.

Some background about GASLIGHTING:  As explained in the noted blog entry, the word gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, which was later made into a movie in 1944 starting Ingrid Bergman ("Paula") and Charles Boyer ("Gregory Anton").  The plot of this play/movie is about Gregory Anton who manipulates his wife Paula into thinking she is going crazy in order to hide his criminal activities from her.  When Paula begins to notice missing pictures, strange footsteps in the night, and the gas lights in and around their apartment dimming without being touched, Gregory tells her she is imagining it, insisting that nothing has changed.  Naturally, Paula begins to believe that she is losing her mind.

Today, the term gaslighting is used to refer to a form of psychological abuse in which false information is given to the victim with the intention of making them doubt their own memory and perception of reality.  In order to cause confusion in their victim's mind, the perpetrator uses such tactics as denial, deception, contradiction and blame in order to gain or maintain control in the relationship.

Until I read this blog entry, I hadn't thought of Mormonism as using gaslighting as a tactic, but it makes a lot of sense.  After all, Mormonism is replete with lies, but Mormons are told to simply accept it all by faith - and if they have trouble doing that, then the Mormon Church basically tells them that there is something wrong with them, and not the church or its teachings.  So they must pray more, read their scriptures more, go to more church meetings, and follow the teachings to the letter in order to become more worthy of receiving the personal revelation that the Mormon Church has the ultimate truths and is the ONLY TRUE CHURCH ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. 

When I was writing my book ("Closing the Door on Mormonism: The AHA! Moments That Triggered my Awakening"), I did a lot of research about cognitive dissonance theory, which suggests that when a person's beliefs and desires conflict, they experience discomfort as they become aware of the inconsistencies; and when these held beliefs collide, a state of tension is experienced.  This tension is defined as cognitive dissonance; and it seems to me that gaslighting and cognitive dissonance go hand-in-hand.

After reading this article about gaslighting and the Mormon Church, my mind immediately started writing lyrics to a song parody - and the tune that popped into my mind was "Moon River."  So here is my latest song parody about GASLIGHTING and MORMONISM.

GASLIGHTING

Sung to the tune of Moon River

Gaslighting, Mormons at the switch,
They say they will enrich your life.
It’s apparent,
And so blatant,
Whatever they’re saying,
They’re twisting the knife.

Non-members, drifting off to Hell,
They’ll save us all from Hell, they say.
They’re trying to prove by and by,
All the reasons why,
You simply must comply,
Just do it their way.

Gaslighting, bending what is true,
They know just what to do and say.
It’s just fiction,
So don’t listen
To what they are saying
Or what they portray.

Those Mormons, shading every fact,
Their grand façade is cracked, for sure.
They whitewash and shade everything,
Pulling every string
As to the lies they cling,
Gaslighting du jour.

© Diane Tingen, 11/7/2018

ONE LAST NOTE:  In examining gaslighting, I began to realize that there is also a definite correlation between gaslighting and our current political situation since it seems to me that the current resident of the White House uses the strategy of gaslighting on a regular basis.  So here is some information that might help us all survive Gaslighting in the Age of Trump.

PLEASE DON'T CALL US MORMONS - LDS Hymn Parody #128

It's been quite a while since I wrote an LDS Hymn Parody.  But because the "Mormon Church" is a bottomless pit of inspiration, it was only a matter of time before something they did or said elicited some new ideas for me.  So when Russell M. Nelson (Rusty, the current profit) revealed this supposed commandment from the Lord banning these nicknames, my mind started churning out my latest LDS Hymn Parody, "Please Don't Call Us Mormons."

The fact that it has been decided that calling them Mormons is directly from Satan is interesting all by itself.  As this CNN article points out, what about the "I'm a Mormon" campaign?  Was it a horrible thing then to call them Mormons?  And what about their websites - Mormon.org and LDS.org?  Also, what about institutions with LDS in their names, like LDS Business College or the LDS Hospital, both located in SLC?  The list goes on and on with references to the names Mormon and LDS that have been put out there by the church itself.

It never ceases to amaze me what passes as "important" in the Mormon Church (and yes, I am going to continue to call my former life-long religion by the forbidden name).  Abolishing formerly used "nicknames" has become their latest crusade despite the fact that there are so many urgent issues going on in the world.  Apparently the Lord (and/or Rusty) thinks the rebranding of the church is of utmost importance - much more important than confronting allegations of sexual abuse by "priesthood" leaders, children being forced to participate in private interviews during which they are asked inappropriate questions about sexual matters, the need for humanitarianism efforts for starving people around the world, the use of tithing money for building shopping malls, the fact that people are leaving the church in droves (probably due to the fact that there is so much information about the Mormon Church online - just Google it), and so on.

Apparently the Mormon Church has attempted to ban its nicknames before this.  According to this CNN article, similar efforts were made in 1982, 2001 and 2011.  Interesting that I don't recall this since I was still an active member of the Mormon Church in 1982 and in 2001.  But since I left the church in 2004, by the time 2011 rolled around, I had already been out of the church for seven glorious years.

But this time they seem very serious, particularly since they have already renamed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which is now officially The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square.  But whether Rusty came up with this current campaign all on his own or whether it really came from the Lord is debatable.  One thing is clear, though - the whole thing is ridiculous, and the fact that they want to be taken serious is also ridiculous.

Here is my favorite pic of Rusty (and his lovely wife)... after all, the man needs a little humor and levity.

SO ANYWAY... here is my 128th LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to the silliness that is "Mormonism."

PLEASE DON’T CALL US MORMONS

Sung to the tune of How Firm a Foundation - #85

1.  Please don’t call us Mormons, an edict from the Lord,
Or maybe from Rusty who must not be ignored.
What more can we say than to you we have said?
Please don’t call us Mormons, please don’t call us Mormons,
Please don’t call us Mormons, just call us Saints instead.

2.  And while we are at it, don’t call us LDS,
We are Latter Day Saints, and that we have to stress.
The name we are called is our focus right now,
Although it seems silly, although it seems silly,
Ignoring this dictum the church cannot allow.

3.  These nicknames upset us, and they offend the Lord.
They came straight from Satan, and so they are abhorred.
So say we are members of God's church on earth,
And we will be happy, and we will be happy,
And we will be happy, for whatever that's worth.

4.  There’s one other mandate you must remember, too,
The word “Mormonism” is also now taboo.
Calling our doctrine "Mormonism" must end.
This need for rebranding, this need for rebranding,
This need for rebranding, we refuse to defend.

5.  And so say the Mormons, revealing God’s command,

The use of the “M word” is now completely banned.
But using a new name does not change the past,
The church is still bogus, the church is still bogus,
The church is still bogus, the final die is cast.

6.  A pig is still a pig even with lipstick on,
And when the sun goes down, we know there’ll be a dawn.
There are certain things that you simply can’t change,
So not saying Mormons, so not saying Mormons,
So not saying Mormons does not make them less strange.

© Diane Tingen
10/23/2018

NEW PROPHET, NEW PROPHET - ExMormon Song Parody

I found this "advertisement" on Facebook for tonight's festivities!!

Doesn't the photo go well with my newest song parody??  

Exciting times - if only I could be there tonight...

NEW PROPHET, NEW PROPHET

Sung to the tune of Matchmaker, Matchmaker
(from "Fiddler on the Roof")

New Prophet, New Prophet,
Old one has died,
TBMs cried,
ExMormons sighed,
New Prophet, New Prophet,
Why should we care?
The next geezer is the heir.

New Prophet, New Prophet,
Nelson's the one,
Already done,
Surprise to none.
Truly believing he has their respect
While watching them genuflect.

The Prophet,
Mormons all listen
Pretending
What he's saying is true.
But me, no,
I am not stupid,
I long ago saw through the lies they spew.

New Prophet, New Prophet,
He's 93,
How long he'll live
We'll have to see.
Dallin B. Oaks is the next one in line,
And won't that just be divine?!!

The Prophet?
Profit's more like it,
The money
Is the aim of the hoax.
Donations,
Tithing and others,
Have made those old geezers some rich old blokes.

New Prophet, New Prophet,
More of the same,
Nothing will change,
Name of the game.
Day after day, I'm so glad I got out,
So without a doubt,
I want to shout,
Open your eyes,
It's full of lies,
A pile of crap in disguise.