Friday, February 10, 2012

WHY DO THE MORMONS JUST BELIEVE? LDS Hymn Parody #55

Just believe.  That is what the Mormons are told to do.  My very TBM father used to tell me that when I would question something or express any doubts - "Well, you better believe it because it's true."  Really?

Sadly, my father is gone now - he passed away in 2006, about a-year-and-a-half after I left the Mormon Church.  I never told him that I had left because he was getting very old (he was 92 when he died), and I didn't want to upset him or cause any harm to our relationship.  And since he lived in Utah and I lived in California, it was rather easy to keep the info from him.  Naturally, though, the fact that I was not able to be completely upfront with him bothers me - but on the other hand, remembering just how inflexible and unyielding he was about Mormonism (and everything else) makes me remember exactly why I didn't tell him.  Oh, well...

Since leaving the Mormon Church, I have often wondered why intelligent people actually believe in Mormonism.  I mean, there's a lot of college-educated people who are very devout Mormons.  Even when confronted with actual evidence of the lies and deceit passed off as truth by Joseph Smith, and perpetuated by many others since his time, so many Mormons choose to "just believe." 

Of course, that mindset is what makes the song entitled "I Believe" from The Book of Mormon Musical so funny.  There's some classic lines in that song...

Ever since I was a child
I tried to be the best
So what happened?

My family and friends
All said I was blessed
So what happened?

It was supposed to be all so exciting
To be teaching of Christ across the sea
But I allowed my faith to be shaken
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed to help the needy
To do the things I never dared
This was the time for me to step up
So then why was I so scared?

A warlord who shoots people in the face
What's so scary about that?

I must trust that my Lord is mightier
And always has my back
Now I must be completely devout
I can't have even one shred of doubt

I believe that the Lord God created the universe
I believe that He sent His only Son to die for my sins
And I believe that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America
I am a Mormon
And a Mormon just believes

You cannot just believe part way
You have to believe in it all
My problem was doubting the Lord's will
Instead of standing tall

I can't allow myself to have any doubt
It's time to set my worries free
Time to show the world what Elder Price is about
And share the power inside of me

I believe that God has a plan for all of us
I believe that plan involves me getting my own planet
And I believe that the current President of the Church,
Thomas Monson, speaks directly to God
I am a Mormon
And dangit, a Mormon just believes

I know that I must go and do
The things my God commands
I realize now why He sent me here

If you ask the Lord in faith
He will always answer you
Just believe in Him and have no fear

(General, we have an intruder. He just walked right into camp.)

I believe that Satan has ahold of you
I believe that the Lord God has sent me here
And I believe that in 1978 God changed His mind about black people
You can be a Mormon
A Mormon who just believes

(What the fuck is this?)

And now I can feel the excitement
This is the moment I was born to do
And I feel so incredible
To be sharing my faith with you

The scriptures say that if you ask in faith
If you ask God Himself, you'll know
But you must ask Him without any doubt
And let your spirit grow

I believe that God lives on a planet called Kolob
I believe that Jesus has His own planet as well
And I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri
If you believe, the Lord will reveal it
And you'll know it's all true, you'll just feel it
You'll be a Mormon
And, by gosh, a Mormon just believes
Very funny... and oh, so true... 


Of course, to "just believe" is essentially (blind) faith.  On http://www.merriam-webster.com/, faith (in a religious sense) is defined as (1) belief and trust in and loyalty to God; (2) belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion; (3) firm belief in something for which there is no proof; (4) complete trust; and (5) something that is believed especially with strong convictions; especially: a system of religous beliefs.

But believing something despite the evidence against it being true - is that faith?  I think not.  I've said it before and I'll say it again and again... when what a person is told to believe has actual evidence against it being true, then it's not faith anymore, but rather denial.  And as far as I'm concerned, the Mormons are deeply steeped in major denial.

And so, without further ado, here is my 55th LDS hymn parody...

WHY DO THE MORMONS JUST BELIEVE?
Sung to the tune of God Moves in a Mysterious Way, #285

Why do the Mormons just believe
And swallow all the lies?
It’s hard to think they’re that naïve,
So tight they close their eyes.

It makes no sense at all to me
To simply go along.
Just parroting compliantly
What they should know is wrong.

Why can’t they see that Joseph Smith
Was nothing but a con.
And Mormonism is a myth,
The lies go on and on.

I know without a single doubt,
I’ve sifted through the lies.
So clear when it is sorted out,
For truth, no compromise.

© Diane Tingen, 2/10/2012

1 comment:

Donna Banta said...

Awesome, you nailed it. It's true because the church says it is.

On the other hand, I do believe that the Book of Mormon on Broadway is true. ;)