SO PEACEFUL NOW - LDS Hymn Parody #85

Looking back on my years as an active Mormon, I remember so many times when I was riddled with doubt.  Trying to push those lingering feelings aside seemed useless, but despite feeling that way, I just kept going - pushing forward, putting my doubts up on my imaginary shelf, and telling myself that I just needed to be more faithful and trusting.  After all, being born and raised Mormon, I had basically been taught that if I was having trouble accepting things, then it was something within me, not a flaw in the doctrine or teaching.  A type of brainwashing, in my opinion.  Questioning was okay as long I conceded that in the end, the doctrine was perfect and I was a mere mortal, struggling with attempting to comprehend eternal principles.  As my father used to tell me, "We may not understand it all, but if we remain faithful and endure to the end, someday our minds will be opened and we will understand it all - and then we will know that it was worth it."  Somehow, though, I could never get to the point where I felt comfortable with that supposed knowledge.

Once I began questioning in earnest, though, and began doing my own independent research, I started realizing that the Mormon Church is built on an enormous stack of lies.  It was then that I realized I had allowed the Mormon Church to consume my life by letting them dictate what I was to believe as well as my every thought and action.  I had simply gone along my entire life, and even though I had struggled to understand and accept it all, I had remained a devout Mormon through it all. 

Was I happy in that perpetual state of uncertainty?  No, I wasn't.  True happiness had eluded me because I had been living a life that someone else had hoisted on me and with which I wasn't in harmony.  It was then that I realized I needed to extricate myself from Mormonism and live an authentic life.  Once I did that, I finally reached a state of mind that I had longed for my entire life.  Peace.  Total and complete peace within my mind and soul - and that is priceless.

So here is my 85th LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to the peace I have felt within myself ever since putting Mormonism behind me and moving forward into an authentic life.   

SO PEACEFUL NOW
Sung to the tune of Our Savior's Love - #113

So peaceful now,
The truth has set me free at last.
Think about how
The struggling has passed.
Tried to believe,
But so much made such little sense,
The lies they weave
Are clear... just false pretense.

For many years
I put so much up on my shelf,
Shed many tears
So torn within myself.
But now I know
The Mormon Church is built on lies,
The facts all show
That there… is no disguise.

Such joy inside,
The fear and doubt have left my soul.
My tears have dried
And I am finally whole.
No doubts remain
That Mormonism is a fraud.
Deception plain,
It’s not… the Word of God.

© Diane Tingen, 2/20/2013