Tuesday, February 5, 2013


My latest LDS Hymn Parody (#84) addresses the sordid history of the Mormon Church.  Having been born and raised Mormon, and having stayed in the church for 52 years, it baffles me now how I could have gone along for so long when it is so obviously false.  I thank my lucky stars that I went on that Mormon Church History Tour in the Summer of 2001, and that I decided to do my own research before, during and after the trip, because otherwise, I may have stayed in the Mormon Church my entire life.  Sadly, I used to be very trusting, naive and gullible.  Almost complacent.  Although I had many questions for many years that I put up on my "shelf," it wasn't until I began to discover the actual history of the Mormon Church that I began to question in earnest.  The Summer of 2001 was the turning point for me.

When I started writing these LDS hymn parodies, I never imagined that I would write 84 of them - and since I have other ideas on the back-burner, I'm sure I will eventually write even more than that.  As my daughter put it, I seem to have a knack for blasphemy (said tongue-in-cheek since she's an ExMormon, too).

So here is my 84th LDS Hymn parody, dedicated to Joseph Smith and the hoax he created and perpetuated.  May he NOT rest in peace.

Sung to the tune of Improve the Shining Moments – # 226
Reviewing Mormon history
From 1830 on
When Joseph Smith created
One big religious con.
He was a practiced swindler,
A charlatan supreme.
Inventing Mormonism
Was really just a scheme.

Review the Book of Mormon,
So clearly plagiarized
By Joseph Smith and Rigdon,
They cleverly disguised
The origins and background
Of “scripture” they revised,
A book by Mr. Spalding,
So easily surmised.

Such sordid and disturbing
Events were taking place.
A fraudulent religion,
What a complete disgrace.
From New York to Ohio,
The Kirtland Banking fraud,
It’s clear that Mormonism
Is not the Word of God.

And then on to Missouri
As Joseph led the way,
Convincing all the members
This is where they would stay.
But people in Missouri
Soon tired of the Saints,
Extermination order
Then followed their complaints.
The Saints out of Missouri,
To Illinois they fled.
Just following their Prophet,
Believing what he said.
In Nauvoo they did prosper,
But shit soon hit the fan
As Joseph Smith’s influence
Grew more throughout the land.

Polygamy created,
Commandment, Joseph said.
His motives were suspicious
As 10 young girls he wed.
And he wed married women
With husbands living still,
Til 33 they numbered,
Just couldn’t get his fill.

The name of Fanny Alger
Is right a-top the list,
Though Cowdery loudly argued
And simply did insist,
That what they had together
Was plainly an affair,
But Joseph was insulted,
Legitimate, he'd swear. 

Polygamy increasing,
The Nauvoo Temple built.
Masonic ceremonies,
Soon introduced full tilt.
Then Joseph Smith declaring
For President he’d run,
Though it was not too likely
That Joseph would have won.
That was in January
Of 1844,
And only six months later,
His death would close the door
On all that he envisioned,
The power that he craved,
Wherever he could get it,
Immoral and depraved.
They say he was a martyr,
In Carthage Jail, he died.
While there, a mob attacked him,
From death, he could not hide.
But martyr does not fit him,
When studying the facts,
He was incarcerated
For some illegal acts.
Would a religious martyr
Destroy a printing press
And then burn down a building?
Surely God would not bless
Such obvious aggression
When truth had been revealed,
Polygamy uncovered
By Joseph Smith concealed.

I think it is appalling
That Mormons everywhere
Accept the gospel doctrine
And simply aren’t aware
Of things within the history
That cry out “It’s not true,”
Exposing Mormonism,
Deceptive, through and through.
Examine Mormon history,
Alarming facts unfold.
So camoflagued and whitewashed,
Some facts are never told
Within a Mormon chapel,
Where ignorance they breed,
Just say it didn't happen,

Denial is their creed.

Of course, the facts of history
Are totally obscured
By Mormons in denial,
Actual truth detoured.
But anyone reviewing
The facts and evidence
Will see red flags a-plenty
If they use common sense.
© Diane Tingen, 2/5/2013

Interesting reading:





Interesting pictures:

Three of the earliest Mormons:
Sidney Rigdon, Oliver Cowdery, and Joseph Smith

Title page of one of the earliest anti-Mormon publications,
E. D. Howe's
Mormonism Unvailed: Or, A Faithful
 Account of that Singular Imposition and Delusion,
 from its Rise to the Present Time (1834), which claimed
 that the Book of Mormon was written by
Solomon Spalding.

An anti-Mormon Political Cartoon from the late 19th Century


Donna Banta said...

Awesome! And congrats on the Brodies!

Diane Tingen said...

Thanks, Donna!! And congrats on the Brodies to you, too!! The Girls from Fourth Ward is awesome; you deserve lots of recognition for it. And besides, I think you're hysterically funny!!