Even though I left the church a little over 7 years ago, it took me several years after that to begin to become vocal about my disaffection from Mormonism. In fact, I didn't even visit any ExMormon type of websites until late 2008 - and I left the church in 2004. Looking back at that time frame, I now realize that I could have benefited from the insights of others who had left the church - and not felt so alone in my disaffection. But I also realize that the reason I did not go on those types of websites back then was because I thought the people there were "angry apostate" types, and weren't necessarily telling the real truth about Mormon history, teachings or doctrine - and since I was conditioned in all my years as a Mormon to avoid those types of situations, I held onto that mindset even after leaving Mormonism. You know, the whole "Anti-Mormon Propaganda" spiel. After all, the programming runs deep - and the brainwashing is difficult to counteract.
The first time I ever went on ExMormon.org (and the Recovery from Mormonism discussion board) was in December 2008. I had gone to my brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and after dinner he wanted to show me all the genealogy he had submitted to the Mormon Church's genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/. Our mother had done a lot of genealogy before her death in 1977 (going back into the 1100's or so), and after her death my brother took it over and did quite a bit more, going back even further. Of course, with the advent of the internet, he eventually submitted all that both he and my mother had done, and he was very proud of his accomplishments. It was quite interesting to see how far back he had gotten some of our lines, and the fact that our ancestral lines include Dutch, English, French and Swedish blood. Also, included in our ancestors are Princess Diana and some other royal blood, which I also found interesting.
In the process of showing me our genealogy on the Mormon Church's genealogy website, http://www.familysearch.org/, he taught me how to find my way around it. So a couple of weeks later, I decided to go back on the website and look at Joseph Smith's pedigree chart. Of course, I had already done quite a bit of research about Joseph Smith and knew about his polygamous ways (as well as the fact that at the time of his death, he was married to 33 women). In fact, issues related to Polygamy had always bothered me, and during my research, I had discovered some of the truth behind Polygamy, including the fact that Joseph Smith had married 10 teenage girls (including one as young as 14 named Helen Mar Kimball) and the fact that he lied about the practice of polygamy numerous times. In fact, one of my favorite quotes of Joseph Smith is this one:
"...What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one. I am the same man, and as innocent as I was fourteen years ago; and I can prove them all perjurers." (History of the Church, vol 6, p. 411)
This statement was made by Joseph Smith as he was preaching from the stand in Nauvoo on Sunday, May 26, 1844. This was a month before his death - and at that time, Joseph Smith had 33 plural wives.
Was it okay for him to lie about his practice of polygamy? No, it wasn't. In fact, on June 8, 1844, when the Nauvoo Expositor newspaper was printed and distributed, and the story ran publicly exposing the truth about Joseph Smith's practice of polygamy, was it okay for Joseph Smith to order the destruction of the printing press and the burning of the building in which it was housed? No, definitely not. Those acts are why he was arrested and why he was incarcerated in Carthage Jail, where he was killed by gunshot from a mob on June 27, 1844. Of course, when I discovered this, I realized that Joseph Smith was not a martyr, but rather a criminal. For him to be "praised" and held out as a martyr by the Mormon Church is extremely deceptive.
And after polygamy was outlawed and the Manifesto was issued in 1890, was it okay for other Mormon prophets and apostles to lie about their involvement in polygamy? No, definitely not. They agreed to stop polygamy in order for Utah to become a state, but history shows that they continued to practice it until at least 1910. And when they were questioned about it, they simply lied.
When I began to look around this genealogy website (created and operated by the Mormon Church), I saw all the women's names who had married Joseph Smith. Several of the names had links - and when I drilled down below these names, I discovered that they were married to other men when they married Joseph Smith. This was the beginnings of my discovery of Polyandry, and that aspect of the practice of Polygamy truly stunned me. Truly, I was flabbergasted, not only due to my discovery of this, but again, because I had never in all my years as a Mormon, heard anything about Polyandry before. This aspect of my research is discussed in great detail in the book I have written, which is found on this blog.
It was after that when I first went on http://www.exmormon.org/ - and I was guided there by a Google search which included a link to an article on Polyandry written by Bob McCue. This article was a huge revelation for me, and although I had already left the church due to my many other issues, the information about Polyandry was an additional eye-opener in my disaffection from the Mormon Church. To think that I was a member of the Mormon Church for 52 years and never knew about Joseph Smith marrying women who were already married to living husbands is mind-boggling to me. But of course, the reason I didn't know is because the Mormon Church tries very hard to cover up this kind of information. They say they don't hide it, that the history has always been open to whoever wants to know about it, but the reality is that the majority of members of the Mormon Church do not know about the details of most of what happened in the beginnings of Mormonism because they just don't talk about it. And usually when they do hear about it, they write it off as "Anti-Mormon Propaganda."
After my first time visiting the website http://www.exmormon.org/, I went on their discussion board - Recovery from Mormonism. Over the next year or so, I spent a good amount of time reading and commenting on various threads. Eventually, I found http://www.postmormon.org/ and regularly visited their discussion board as well. That is where I found out about the annual ExMormon Foundation Conference, and I went to one last year for the first time (October 2010). It was great meeting a lot of the people with whom I had been exchanging messages on the discussion boards, and I consider many of these people to now be my very good friends.
After that, I was invited to join a couple of Facebook discussion groups, and I have met some other amazing people on there - Former Mormons, PostMormons, ExMormons, others who are questioning Mormonism, and still others who know for certain that the church is not true but are still going to church because of family pressures (sometimes called Shadow Mormons). I have become very close "cyber-friends" with many of these people, and am planning on meeting many of them at the next ExMormon Foundation Conference in October 2011.
It has been quite a journey over the past 3 years. Through it all, I have seen myself evolve from what I would consider a Former Mormon woman who kept quiet about what I had discovered, not having reached a point where I felt comfortable expressing my views, to a full-blown ExMormon who is very vocal about what I consider to be a destructive religious organization that deals very fast and loose with the truth.
And so, here is my latest hymn parody... a tribute to ExMormons everywhere...
ONWARD, ALL EXMORMONS
Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
Blind belief no longer,
Finally got a clue,
And with all our knowledge,
We know it’s not true.
(Chorus)
Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
With the many issues
Struggling as we did,
It was quite disturbing
To find what they hid.
History very sordid,
Teachings so bizarre,
Done with the denial,
We have come so far.
(Chorus)
Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
Joseph Smith, a liar,
Con man all the way,
Charlatan and shyster,
Deception, his forte.
He was not a martyr,
As the Mormons say.
Just a phony Prophet
Feeding on his prey.
(Chorus)
Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
There are many others
Still within the cult,
Trapped by their denial,
And as a result,
We must try to help them
Sort through all the lies,
Maybe through our efforts
Fraud they’ll recognize.
(Chorus)
Onward, all ExMormons,
We’re no longer sheep.
Done with just believing,
And the lies so deep.
© Diane Tingen, 6/23/2011
The hymn Before Thee, Lord, I Bow My Head reminds me of singing in my Ward Choir, growing up in Fresno, California. My mother was the Choir Director for several years when I was growing up, and I started singing in the Choir when I was only 12 years old. My mother really liked to sing this particular hymn, probably because of the way it is arranged with the women singing first, and then the men repeating the lines. So this hymn brings back some very good memories of my mother (who passed away in 1977 when I was only 25 years old).
