DON'T YOU DARE BAIL - LDS Hymn Parody #127

The leaders of the Mormon Church never cease to amaze me with the ammo they continue to give to those who have left Mormonism.  The newest example of this is a rant by Jeffrey R. Holland at a Tempe Arizona Devotional on April 26,2016.  In that rant, he said, "Don’t you dare bail.  I am so furious with people who leave this church.  I don’t know whether 'furious' is a good apostolic word.  But I am.  What on earth kind of conviction is that?  What kind of patty-cake, taffy-pull experience is that? As if none of this ever mattered, as if nothing in our contemporary life matters, as if this is all just supposed to be 'just exactly the way I want it and answer every one of my questions and pursue this and occupy that and defy this - and then maybe I'll be a Latter-Day Saint?!' Well, there's too much Irish in me for that."

And then he finished his rant by saying, "This church means everything to me!  Everything! I don't care what happens.  I don't care what price is to be paid.  As painful as that can be ans as much as I don't want to invite the test, as much as I don't want to sound arrogant or self-confident or filled with any kind of price other than the love of the Lord, this church means everything to me, and I'm not going to leave it, and I'm not going to let you leave it."  Whoa... I'm not going to let you leave it?!!  Cult much??  

Of course, memes and comments about his speech have hit the Ex-Mormon groups on Facebook like a thunderstorm (like the ones I've included here).  There's even a post on YouTube called Angry Holland about this rant.  It's all been very entertaining.  

Another outgrowth of his speech is that I immediately starting writing an LDS hymn parody in my mind (as I've said on here before, "Because they make it so easy!!").  Of course, sometimes these LDS hymn parodies write themselves, and this was one of those.

So here's my 127th LDS hymn parody, dedicated to Jeffrey R. Holland for the entertainment value... because he always knows just what to say. 

DON’T YOU DARE BAIL

Sung to the tune of True to the Faith – #254

1. When you’re faced with many questions

And it seems to not make sense,

Will you bail on Mormonism

Even though there’s no defense?  No!!

(Chorus)

Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,

Though you can see that it’s full of deception.

No patty cake, that’s a mistake,

No taffy pulling, for goodness sake!!

2. Though we know that it’s a shit show,

And the lies are obvious,
Will you bail on Mormonism
And make Holland furious?  No!!

(Chorus)

Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,

Though you can see that it’s full of deception.

No patty cake, that’s a mistake,

No taffy pulling, for goodness sake!!

3. While we know the sordid history

And how awful it can sound,
Will we stand by our convictions,
And not patty-cake around?  Yes!!

(Chorus)

Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,

Though you can see that it’s full of deception.

No patty cake, that’s a mistake,

No taffy pulling, for goodness sake!!

4. When we hear from Jeffrey Holland

As he spews his words of fear,

What on earth would make us doubt it?

After all, it’s all so clear.  NOT!!

(Chorus)

And so I bailed on the Mormon religion,

Mainly because it is full of deception.

Leave me alone, don't even phone,
I am no longer a Mormon clone!!

© Diane Tingen, 5/4/2016