THE ONE TRUE CHURCH - LDS Hymn Parody #83

THE ONE TRUE CHURCH.  That phrase has always bothered me, even when I was a TBM.  So rigid and presumptuous.

My late father was very pious and dogmatic about Mormonism, and actually told many people (including my sister-in-law's sister) that if they didn't join the Mormon Church, they were going to HELL.  The man was not known for his tact or diplomacy. 

Since that phrase did bother me so much, and I loved to pull my father's chain, I used to tell him a joke that goes like this:

A man died and went to Heaven.  As he approached the Pearly Gates, he was met by St. Peter who told him he was going to give him a tour of Heaven.  They started walking around, and St. Peter pointed out areas where different people were congregated – saying, “Those are the Catholics, and the Lutherans are over there.  The Presbyterians are over there, and there are the Methodists.  The Buddhists are over there, and there are the Baptists.”

Looking puzzled, the man asked St. Peter, “OK, but who are those people way off in the distance?” to which St. Peter responded, “Oh, those are the Mormons.  They think they’re the only ones here.”

Needless to say, my father didn’t like it when I told him this joke, and it would launch him into a dissertation on “the way things are” during which he would repeat his routine about how, in essence, “Mormons are the only ones going to Heaven, and everyone else is going to Hell.”  After all, he would say, that is what the Temples are for – to baptize and do all necessary ordinances for our dead ancestors who did not accept the gospel (according to the Mormon Church) while they were here on earth.  Then my father would ask me, “Why would the Mormon Church build all those temples and do all those ordinances if it wasn’t for an actual purpose?”  Oh, I don’t know, Dad.  Maybe it’s because they are crazy?

As I got older, I also voiced my opinions about Church doctrine to my father several times.  When I talked to him about my thoughts, he told me that my “liberal attitudes were going to get me into trouble one day.”  At the time when he said that, I thought about responding to that statement, disagreeing with him or telling him more about how I felt, but I resisted the urge since I didn’t want it to appear that I was goading him on or trying to provoke him in any way.  Now I wish I had voiced more of my opinions to him because then at least I would feel that I had expressed myself entirely to him.  Maybe one day, I’ll get the chance to do that in the Afterlife (that is, if I don’t go to HELL since my father will, undoubtedly, be in the Celestial Kingdom – at least, in his own mind).



Simply take out "Restored Church of God" and replace it with
"The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints."
After all, the LDS Church (the Mormons) is
THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE CHURCH OF GOD.
Yeah, right...

So here is my 83rd LDS hymn parody, highlighting that incredibly annoying phrase, "The One True Church."  And I think I'll dedicate it to my late father who, if there is an Afterlife, is most likely turning over in his grave at this very moment, convinced that his own daughter is going to HELL... or maybe even Outer Darkness.

THE ONE TRUE CHURCH
Sung to the tune of The Morning Breaks, #1

The one true church, the Mormons say,
Interpret truth in their own way.
Deny the facts, the evidence,
Deny the facts, the evidence,
And never use their common sense.

They say have faith and just believe,
So obvious that they deceive.
It was made up by Joseph Smith,
It was made up by Joseph Smith,
The Mormon Church is just a myth.

For many years, I went along
Though deep inside, I knew it's wrong.
But til I did my own research,
But til I did my own research,
I stayed within the Mormon Church.

As I stuck things up on my shelf,
And just denied my real self.
But then I could pretend no more,
But then I could pretend no more,
And so I finally closed the door.

I saw the lies and walked away,
Their twisted game I will not play.
I've seen the facts, unwoven lies,
I’ve seen the facts, unwoven lies,
There simply is no compromise.

A great reward to just be me,
To live my life authentically.
My own instincts I won't betray,
My own instincts I won’t betray
Close off my mind the Mormon Way.

© Diane Tingen, 1/29/2013

WHEN THE LIGHT WENT ON - LDS Hymn Parody #82

Darkness... to light.  With the flip of a switch, everything suddenly became bright and clear.  That's how I would describe the beginnings of my transition from TBM to ExMormon.  When I began my journey away from Mormonism (and basically researched my way out of it), everything was so muddied and unclear.  But with every book and article I read, every fact I discovered, everything started to become clearer and clearer.  Although at first I didn't want to admit it, I had been duped my entire life.  Of course, at the point when I began to come to that realization, I began to look back over my life and think of all the things I had put on my shelf for all those years - things that I didn't understand and was led to believe were things that "we cannot understand in this life, but if we endure to the end, we will understand everything and know that it was worth it."  What a cop-out.

Facts are facts, now and forever.  Just as lies are lies, and always will be.  Just because many people believe something, that does not make it true, in and of itself.  As this picture points out, "Facts do not cease to exist simply because they are ignored."

 
Another quote that is applicable to this subject is this one:

So true.  This concept is discussed in this article from the Mormon Coffee blog entitled "Twleve Million Mormons."  In this article, it says:

In promoting their product (Mormonism), Latter-day Saints frequently say, “There are 12 million people around the world that believe it!” They look at that fact as one piece of irrefutable evidence that Mormonism is true. I’ve even had Mormons challenge me: “Do you think 12 million people can be wrong?”

The article goes on to say:

Or take the Roman Catholic Church’s position on Mormonism. In July 2001 the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith stated that LDS baptisms are “not the baptism that Christ instituted.” Though the Catholic Church recognizes the baptisms of converts from most other churches, Mormon converts to Catholicism must be rebaptized because of the LDS Church’s radical (non-biblical) view of the nature of God. Can the more than one billion members of the Catholic Church be wrong?

Then the Mormon Coffee blog post asks:

Regardless of the sensational LDS sales pitch that Mormonism is “proven to work” and that “millions of [people] are already using it,” the question needs to be asked: Can millions be wrong?

Well, yes they can.  It doesn't matter how many people believe something.  The number of people who believe something means absolutely nothing, in and of itself.

But facts speak volumes - and as far as the facts are concerned, Mormonism is not now, nor was it ever, true.  A person can paint the facts any way they want, but they cannot be changed.  Facts are irrefutable.  The problem, though, is getting TBMs to pay attention to the facts and not go into their "Just have faith and believe" routine... or their mantra of "We as mere mortals can't understand the ways of God."  Very frustrating.

I am so grateful for my AHA! moments - those cumulative moments when it finally dawned on me, once and for all, that Mormonism simply isn't true.  I finally knew "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that Joseph Smith made it up from the get-go, perpetrating an enormous hoax on people back then - and that since his time, other men and women have perpetuated the lies and deception.  And so the light went on - and it has never gone out.

So here is my 82nd LDS Hymn Parody, highlighting that life-altering period of time when I realized that my life-long religion is built on an enormous stack of lies - and I felt a lifetime of burdens lift as I began shedding the shackles of Mormonism.

WHEN THE LIGHT WENT ON
Sung to the tune of Let Us All Press On, #243

When the light went on
In my mind, I could see
How I’d been deceived,
It was so clear to me.
That the Mormon Church
Is just packed with lies,
And there is no disguise.

(Chorus)
No truth is contained within the church,
Falsehoods that I found in my research.
It’s so clear now from all that I have read,
All my life I know I was misled.

In the Mormon Church,
They say to just believe,
Do not think too much,
And blessings you’ll receive.
When the Prophet speaks,
If you don’t agree,
Shut up immediately.

(Chorus)
No truth is contained within the church,
Falsehoods that I found in my research.
It’s so clear now from all that I have read,
All my life I know I was misled.

Very gullible
And totally naïve,
I just went along
And tried to just believe.
But until I searched
Independently,
The flaws I did not see.

(Chorus)
No truth is contained within the church,
Falsehoods that I found in my research.
It’s so clear now from all that I have read,
All my life I know I was misled.

© Diane Tingen, 1/25/2013

HIGH ON MY BUCKET LIST - LDS Hymn Parody #81

Everyone needs a Bucket List - all the things you want to do before you die.  There are many things on my Bucket List, and I'm trying to live my life so that many of those things I want to do before I shed this mortal coil.  But for me, the most important thing has already been done.  After coming to the realization that Mormonism is a fraud, I left it all behind - and finally became myself.  THE REAL ME.  

Lately, I've been thinking about how much I have changed over the past few years since leaving Mormonism.  I used to be very complacent.  Didn't want to make waves.  Tried to blend into the background.  Took everything so seriously.  Especially Mormonism.  I didn't understand many things about my "chosen religion," and I had many questions, but I still went along.  Just like a good little Mormon girl/woman.  What irks me the most if that for most of my life, I wasn't intellectually curious enough to research or study anything that wasn't "authorized" by the Mormon Church.  I accepted whatever they told me.  And whatever I didn't understand, I put on my "shelf," thinking that I must not be righteous enough to comprehend those doctrines or principles.  I believed the hype that I just needed to study more, pray more, attend more church meetings, and try harder to be a good Mormon woman.  Didn't make me feel very satisfied, but I was certain that was the price I needed to pay for not being "good enough."

Simply put, I was the Mormon version of my true self - who I thought I was supposed to be.  NOT THE REAL ME.

Leaving Mormonism is the best thing that ever happened to me.  Shedding the shackles of the past freed me to finally BE MYSELF... and I've never been happier than I am right now.  When I discovered all the lies laced throughout Mormonism, it was quite a shock.  The more I researched, the more I discovered, and the more flabbergasted I became.  Layer upon layer, I uncovered the deception, the intricate web of lies created by Joseph Smith and perpetuated through the years by many other men.  At first, I didn't know what to do, but in the end, I knew I had no other choice than to disassociate myself from the Mormon Church.

When I finally stopped going to church with no intention of every returning is when I finally began to realize who I really am.  A strong, competent, intellectually curious woman who spent many years with her true personality being suppressed and squelched by a religion that plays very fast and loose with the truth.  Of course, I was very angry that I had spent 52 years in such a religion - and in many ways, I felt that my life had been stolen from me.  I questioned why my parents even joined the church when I was only 10 months old, essentially subjecting me to a Mormon life without my consent.  I kicked myself for not being more intellectually curious at a younger age because perhaps then I would have discovered the lies sooner.  Basically, I had let them lead me along for so many years.  A mindless sheep.  But eventually, I worked through the anger and realized that if I let those types of thoughts define my life, then Mormonism is still winning.  That's when I decided to start this blog, which has been a great outlet for my many thoughts about Mormonism, its lies, and the effects of the deception it perpetuates.

And so, below is an LDS Hymn Parody I have written about My Bucket List.  Although there are many other things on my Bucket List, #1 is already checked off.  SIMPLY BE MYSELF.  DONE.

HIGH ON MY BUCKET LIST
Sung to the tune of High on the Mountain Top - #5

High on my Bucket List,
The things I want to do
Before I leave this world
And bid this life adieu.
I simply want to be myself,
And empty off my Mormon shelf.

For way too many years
My shelf did overflow,
Just shoving things up there
And watching it all grow.
But then I saw the stack of lies,
The truth revealed, no more disguise.

That’s when I finally found
The courage from inside
To simply be myself,
And I no longer hide
From what the truth has done for me,
It made me strong and set me free.

So thankful that I’m not
Still caught within the Church,
I’m Mormonism Free,
Their doctrine I besmirch.
It was made up by Joseph Smith,
The Mormon Church, a total myth.

No shadow of a doubt,
I know it’s filled with lies.
I've seen the evidence
Each TBM denies.
I wish they’d look with open eyes,
Then they might say their own goodbyes.

So now my Bucket List,
A check by #1,
The most important thing
I finally have done.
I've shed the pain and dried my tears,
In peace I’ll live throughout my years.

© Diane Tingen, 1/21/2013

SO....

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR BUCKET LIST...

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE...

Over the years since leaving Mormonism behind, my dislike and distaste (perhaps hate) for the "Prophet Joseph" has grown substantially.  Even remembering hearing him called the "Prophet Joseph" that makes me nauseous.  I mean, the dude made the whole thing up.  A complete and total hoax from the get-go.  And it seems to me that in the process, he just had to keep going, creating new and improved "evidence" to bolster his position as "Prophet and Seer."  Always going one step further, one step further, one step further.  First it was the Book of Mormon, translated from golden plates.  Then it was the Book of Abraham, translated from Egyptian papyri.  Both false documents, in my opinion.  Plagiarized, most likely.  But both canonized, nonetheless.  And of course, there's the "revelations" in the Doctrine & Covenants to add extra support - also canonized.  I could go on and on...

Although Mormons practically worship him, Joseph Smith was actually a shyster, a charlatan, a con artist, a flim-flam man.  From all accounts, he was very charismatic, and people were drawn to him.  And from what I've been able to gather, he just couldn't get enough of being the "center of attention."

In my opinion, Joseph's main motivation was power, money and control over people.  But there is also the aspect of creating polygamy and polyandry to satisfy his sexual desires.  When I began looking at the timeline for events that occurred in the history of the Mormon Church, it was obvious to me that the "Prophet Joseph" was driven by his sexual desires.  His first "polygamous wife" is listed as being Fanny Alger, who he "married" in 1833 - but according to what I've read, that union was actually, according to Oliver Cowdery, a "dirty, filthy affair."  My opinion is that he got caught cheating, and decided to create polygamy (and then polyandry) to cover his tracks. 

The whole thing smells to high heaven.  It makes me sick to my stomach because in actuality, he was a sexual predator and a pedophile (and I suppose I should say IMO).  Every time I think about all this, I could kick myself for not researching Mormon Church history earlier in my life.  Of course, as TBM as I was back then, I probably would have rationalized it all out just like all the TBMs do today.

Anyway, here's a short poem I wrote in tribute to the "Prophet Joseph."  Like the poem says, I hope he's "burning in hellfire." 

ODE TO THE "PROPHET JOSEPH"

Thoughts of Joseph Smith inspire
Darkened scenes and strong desire,
Gruesome fate so grim and dire
That he’s burning in hellfire.

Once a man I did admire,
Now I’d throw him in the mire,
Singing “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire,
Your nose is longer than a telephone wire…”

© Diane Tingen, 1/2/2013