LDS HYMN PARODIES #97, 98, 99, 100 and 101

As I have gotten nearer to the #100 mark in my writing of LDS Hymn Parodies, it seems that my brain has gone into overdrive - because in the past two days, I have written FIVE of these parodies.  The minute I finished one, another one began writing itself in my mind.  Of course, in reality, these parodies always seem to write themselves.  Or perhaps it's just the way my mind works since, as my daughter recently told me, I apparently have a gift for blasphemy.

After I finished these five LDS hymn parodies, I was going to post each one separately, but then I decided to post them all together as a testament to not only reaching my goal, but surpassing it.  Of course, now I'm going to have to set a new goal (which is becoming much more difficult since I've done so many already).  But I'm up to the challenge...

LDS Hymn Parody #97
WITH LIES AT ITS CORE
Sung to the tune of The Time is Far Spent - #266

With lies at its core, there is little remaining
To bolster its claims that it is the true church.
Then hasten, ye Mormons, go forward unyielding,
Despite what they tell you, just do some research,
Despite what they tell you, just do some research.

For years, I believed and accepted the teachings,
Whatever they said was the truth, I agreed.
Just followed the doctrine, no critical thinking,
Relying on faith was my ultimate creed,
Relying on faith was my ultimate creed.

But then realized that within Mormonism
Are mountains of lies and deception complete.
I knew in an instant, much more than a symptom,
So clearly I saw it, the fraud and deceit,
So clearly I saw it, the fraud and deceit.

So patently clear, there is nothing redeeming
In holding out lies as though they are correct.
Throughout Mormonism, the members deceiving
With fraudulent teachings, the truth they neglect,
With fraudulent teachings, the truth they neglect.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #98
THE TRUTH IS MY LINCHPIN
Sung to the tune of The Lord is my Shepherd - #108

The truth is my linchpin; please don’t tell me lies.
Don’t feed me deception, and tell me it’s true.
Just give me the truth and don’t try to disguise
Whatever the facts are, the truth will shine through,
Whatever the facts are, the truth will shine through.

I was born and raised Mormon, and just went along,
Whatever they told me, in faith I believed.
Though I had some issues, I tried to stay strong,
But then I discovered that I’d been deceived,
But then I discovered that I’d been deceived.

As I went through the teachings of the Mormon Church,
My mind filled with questions; it didn’t make sense.
And so as I studied and did some research,
The questions were answered, it’s filled with pretense,
The questions were answered, it’s filled with pretense.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #99
DRAPED IN LIES
Sung to the tune of Secret Prayer - #144

1.  When I began to have some doubts,
I soon would realize
That Mormonism is not true,
In fact, it’s draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

2.  So now I have no doubts at all,
And there is no disguise.
No question it’s a total fraud,
And clearly draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

3. For many years, my faith was strong,
But much to my surprise,
When I began to question it,
I found it’s draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

4. I used to simply go along,
Although that wasn’t wise.
Because when I researched it all,
So plainly draped in lies.

(Chorus)
Very clear, it's filled with lies,
And though they try to disguise
All the facts, deception deep,
No one buys it but the sheep.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #100
IF YOU LOOK OBJECTIVELY
Sung to the tune of I Have Work Enough to Do - #224

If you look objectively,
You will find the truth.
Do some research carefully,
You will find the truth.
Every question will be answered
That by which you have been bothered,
All the qualms that you have whispered,
You will find the truth.

If the doctrines you appraise,
As you seek the truth,
As you sort through Mormon ways,
When you seek the truth.
Every time you have felt censored,
Each resentment you have harbored,
As for comfort you have hungered
When you seek the truth.

If you open up your eyes,
As you seek the truth,
You’ll see there’s no compromise
As you seek the truth.
Every time you have felt pressured
By the issues you have pondered,
As your confidence is bolstered,
You will find the truth.

If you see that it’s a fraud,
As you seek the truth,
Recognize its false façade,
As you seek the truth.
When you see the lies you’ve weathered,
You may feel your world is shattered,
But you’ll see it’s truth that mattered,
When you find the truth.

© Diane Tingen, 5/24/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #101
SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH AND DON'T SETTLE
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Lord, the Almighty - #72

Search for the truth and don’t settle for pitiful answers.
Think for yourself and examine each one of the layers.
It’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise
For all the obvious errors.

Search for the truth and discard the apparent deception.
Study it all as you look closely at every question.
The Mormon Church
Cannot stand up to research,
Look at the history and doctrine.

Searching for truthfulness in Mormonism is pointless,
So clear in my mind that all of the doctrine is bogus.
It is a fraud,
It is not the Word of God,
Built on a fraudulent premise.

Search for the truth and rely on your own intuition,
As you review it, look closely at each contradiction.
Then you will see
And then perhaps you’ll agree
That Mormonism is fiction.

© Diane Tingen, 5/24/2013

WHERE IS TRUTH IN MORMONISM? – LDS Hymn Parody #96

Here's my latest LDS Hymn Parody (#96), which asks the question, "Where is Truth in Mormonism?" Of course, it's very clear from reading my blog that my answer to that question is NOWHERE. There is not an ounce of truth in Mormonism - not an iota, grain, particle, scrap or smidgeon. In my opinion, Joseph Smith just made up the whole thing.  No matter how a person tries to rationalize it all out, say that "sometimes we have to accept things on faith," I just don't buy it.  Like I've said before, having faith is great, but when the facts and evidence are against something being true, then it's not faith anymore but rather denial.

Very simply, I am not able to do the mental gymnastics it would take to arrive at the conclusion that's it true.  No, after all that I have discovered about Mormonism, its doctrine and extremely sordid history, I cannot come to any other conclusion than that Mormonism is a total fraud.

WHERE IS TRUTH IN MORMONISM?
Sung to the tune of Truth Reflects upon Our Senses ‑ #273


1. Where is truth in Mormonism?
Not an ounce is to be found.
You can search from top to bottom,
Find yourself on shaky ground.
Joseph Smith was not a prophet,
Just a con man, through and through.
Not an element of merit,
So apparent it’s not true.

(Chorus)
Mormonism, false religion,
Duping people, right and left,
With its fabricated doctrine,
Of the truth, it is bereft.

2. When I studied Mormonism,
An objective point of view,
Using common sense and wisdom,
Every issue I’d review,
Before long, I saw it clearly,
And I knew it wasn’t true.
But although it wasn’t easy,
As a Mormon, I was through.


(Chorus)
Mormonism, false religion,
Duping people, right and left,
With its fabricated doctrine,
Of the truth, it is bereft.

3. So I hope that all the Mormons
Will look closely at their church.
Study all the church’s doctrines,
Do some reading and research.
Look at independent writings,
Not the ones the church holds out,
And review all of their findings
To remove remaining doubt.


(Chorus)
Only then with eyes wide open
An informed decision make.
Then perhaps they’ll see deception,
And to all the lies awake.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013

IT IS SO APPARENT - LDS Hymn Parody #95

You know what really irritates me???  That I went along with Mormonism for so many years, and then when I finally used critical thinking, it made absolutely no sense.  At that point, it was an absolute mystery to me why I ever believed it in the first place.  Still is.

Now I look so many things embodied within Mormonism, and I am appalled.  Like the Book of Abraham and Joseph Smith's supposed translation of the Egyptian papyri, as well as how he obtained the papyri.  Five papyri and four mummies were purchased from Michael Chandler who was touring the area and stopped in Kirtland, Ohio with a traveling mummie exhibition.  When Joseph Smith entered the exhibition along with two others, Mr. Chandler asked Joseph (knowing of his notoriety for claiming to have "translated" the gold plates of the Book of Mormon) to look at the scrolls and tell them what they said.  After examining them, Joseph and two others paid over $2,400 for the five papyri and four mummies (which was a lot of money in 1835).  Obviously, this "traveling salesman" saw them coming.  One con man duping another con man.

Of course, there are so many more bogus claims within Mormonism, as well as a mountain of extremely sordid history.  In looking at Mormonism closely, it became transparently clear to me that none of it is true.  It was at that moment when I finally accepted the fact that I had been duped my entire life, and it was as if my eyes were open for the first time.

Accepting it all at face value was my biggest mistake.  Having been born and raised in the Mormon Church, I relied too much on what other Mormons told me (including my father), and not enough on my own inner voice.  I should have started doing my own independent research much earlier in my life.  But then, I wasn't very intellectually curious back then.  Looking back, I really think Mormonism squelched my intellectual curiosity  and I came to accept things without looking at them objectively. 

But then, everything happens in its own time.  Perhaps I was meant to uncover the truth and find my own voice later in my life.  Who knows?  What I do know, though, is that finally living an authentic life is a very rewarding existence.  Being able to openly talk about my issues with Mormonism is also very fulfilling.  Although TBMs would like for me to just shut up and keep my opinions to myself (and stop blogging!!), I cannot do that because I know it's very important for me to express my feelings and make my voice be heard.  Keeping quiet about it all is the very last thing I want to do - and the least healthy for me psychologically.

So here is my 95th LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to being Mormonism free - and finally being free to simply be ME.

IT IS SO APPARENT
Sung to the tune of We Are All Enlisted - #250

1.  It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,

The Mormon Church, The Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
Found out when I did my own research.
Studied the details, found out the truth,
Wish I had done that back in my youth.
A devout Mormon for many years,
Then broke away, broke away, shedding many tears.

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

2.  When I did my research, the deception was clear,
Opened my eyes, opened my eyes.
Full of fabrications, not as it would appear,
Knew right then that I had not been wise.
They said believe it, I followed suit,
So very faithful, did not dispute.
Blindly accepted what they would say,
Until I saw, til I saw, much to my dismay…

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

3.  After all the heartache, I am finally free,
Mormon no more, Mormon no more.
No more heavy burden, I am free to be me,
On my life before, I closed the door.
Should have been wiser, not just a clone,
Could have been different if I had known.
Critical thinking, a better choice,
And finally, finally, I have found my voice.

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

© Diane Tingen, 5/21/2013

MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY - LDS Hymn Parody #94

Earlier this week, I got an email from a TBM who has read my blog - an 18 year old boy who has submitted his mission papers.  In this email, he said that he has read several of my hymn parodies, and... well, here's his email:

I have grown up in the lds church all my life and never was I told to stop asking questions or to not worry about my questions. I had many questions. I have been studying the church's history for almost three years now. I completely understand how you are angry at the church. It can be very hard to understand. I have found for myself the truth and it has made my testimony of Joseph smith and the restoration of the gospel steadfast and immovable. I am a worthy 18 year old young man and am proud to say that I have turned my mission papers in so I can serve god. I have spent countless hours studying church history. I have not as you might say justified or am in denial and I am not ignorant. I have found the explanations of the truth. I decided to wright you because I read some of your hymn parody's and I do think you have quite the talent for poems, however as to your blog "yet another anonymous" you quoted Christopher miller. To this I say you don't know if the well is poisoned or not. I have found great joy by drinking out of the well. So I am asking you to stop blogging about your hatered for Mormonism its just not nice. let us freely believe in what we want and we will let you freely believe in what you want. I would like to hear back from you. I think you are a very intelligent person and I think you probably live your life at a high standard. I do not care much for arguing about who's right but rather I delight in conversation of views.  Thank you for your time.

Ah, "my blogging about my hatered for Mormonism its just not nice."  My bad. 

After weeding my way through this email, I responded, thanking him for his email - and then setting out some areas about which I wanted to know his views (such as Polygamy, Polyandry, the Book of Abraham, the Book of Mormon, the supposed Martyrdom of Joseph Smith, the Nauvoo Expositor, the First Vision and its different accounts, etc.).  But when he responded, he did not address any of queries.  Instead, he said the following:

Diane! i am very glad to hear back from you. you responded so quickly i didn't realize you had, thank you.  i am not naive about any of this. i worked very long and very hard to get my answers i am not educated in this but i have studied a lot and enough to form my own views. i was never told to believe anything, not from the church and not from family. i once asked for my dads help on a question, he kindly told me that i could figure it out and only told me to read books. my father didn't even tell me which books to read. he said information on the internet is unreliable. i found this to be true as to the fact that many internet sources on the matter are by people who are uneducated on the matter such as you and they place so much of their opinion within the facts. my church leaders would give me their opinion on the subject and tell me to find my own answer to the question most of my leaders answers i didn't agree with. that or i didn't fully agree with it. though that's the beauty of it, we are all able to find truth in our own way. that's why the church promotes us to ask for our self's. I often found myself reading books by Hugh Nibley. his explanations of my questions were very thorough. i liked reading his stuff because he is a convert to the church and is very well educated. (he did his research first hand). obviously, this didn't stop me from going to internet sites that were completely anti-mormon. i did visit your blog and revisited. 

Diane in my last letter i explained that i don't enjoy arguing about who's right. i could go through each of these and give you the explanations that i have found but we both know that neither of us will give on the matter. we could go back and forth for days. if you want to see my views i will tell you the books i read for each question and the chapter i found most truth in. Hugh Nibley and other authors explain it so much better then i could ( i am very young). i am so much more interested in hearing about what you now believe i find that that would be a much better conversation. 

the well is poisoned (in your opinion) you don't know it is poisoned. you cant know because me and so many other people have studied the same information as you and have declared it a well that will give you everlasting life. not all Mormon's are ignorant as you may think they are. in fact most are very well informed about their church history. again i am asking you to stop blogging about your hate for gods church. it is very hurtful that someone can be so mean about what someone believes. i love my religion and for you to attack it is to attack me. i don't care if you want to say that you only hate Mormonism and not Mormons. this church is such a big part of my life, that this is nothing less than a direct attack on me.  thank you for your time.

Of course, he's right about one thing - we could go back and forth for days and even longer, and we probably wouldn't get anywhere (especially since he seems to think Hugh Nibley's word is golden).  So I will probably send him a response saying, "Stop blogging?  Isn't going to happen."  I think I'll also include the fact that though the Mormon Church claims that there are 14 million Mormons in the world, less than half of them are active.  So that means that there are 7 million active Mormons (and that's a high estimate).  Given that the world's population is 7 billion, that means that the 7 million Mormons are .1% of the current world's population.  Yes, that's one tenth of one percent.  So much for "me and so many other people" who have "studied the same information as I have and declared it" to be true.  Does he really think that God is only going to save Mormons in the Celestial Kingdom - when they are such a small percentage (in fact, infinitesimal) of the people who are living on the earth right now?  Of course, when you add in all those who have preceded the current population, it makes the Mormons even a smaller percentage of the entire picture.  Mormons can be so egotistical in thinking that they are the only ones who have the "correct answers."
This 18 year old boy is obviously all "gung-ho" about the Mormon Church and not willing to look at alternative views.  Hopefully, though, one day he will see the actual truth.  I hope this for all Mormons.  Because clearly, the problems are plenty... 

So here is my latest LDS Hymn Parody - my 94th one to date.  I've been working on some others, so hopefully soon I'll hit the 100 mark.

MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY
Sung to the tune of Master, the Tempest Is Raging ‑ #105

1. Mormons, the problems are plenty,
So clearly it’s all a fraud.
I think if you look at it closely,
You’ll see that it’s hugely flawed.
Carest thou not that it’s bullshit?
How canst thou go along?
If you take off the blinders, you’ll see it,
The whole thing is clearly wrong.

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Whether they tell you to just believe,
Don’t simply accept it and be that naïve.
The facts and the evidence clearly show
What Joseph Smith conjured up years ago.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
There’s no disguise.

2. Mormons, some critical thinking
Is called for, not blind belief.
The questions I found myself asking
Were answered with great relief.
For many years, I believed it,
Stuck my head in the sand.
Though it took me some time to admit it,
Such joy when I took a stand.

(Chorus)
Just opened my eyes and could see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
I heard the mantra to just believe,
And for many years, I was blind and naïve.
It wasn’t till I did my own research,
Deception I saw in the Mormon Church.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
There’s no disguise.

3. Mormons, it’s filled with deception,
Just look with discerning eyes.
The falsehoods throughout it aren’t hidden,
The evidence truth belies.
So many Mormons accept it,
Saying their bosoms burn,
And they bear testimony on Sunday,
But when will the truth they learn?

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
It is not wise when you just believe,
They say just accept it, but don’t be naïve.
When all of the facts show it is not true,
Don’t stay in denial, but say adieu.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
False façade, false façade.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
Not Word of God.

© Diane Tingen, 5/16/2013