WHAT THE HELL? LDS Hymn Parody #17

Wow, how many times have I asked myself WHAT THE HELL???... and wanted to scream it out loud???  I have faced that dilemma innumerable times during my life (for varying reasons).  But of course, since I was the "good girl" for most of my life, I just kept my differing opinions to myself.  Never wanting to rock the boat.  Always trying to keep the peace.

But once I discovered the lies, deceptions and contradictions laced throughout Mormonism, and processed through the fact that I had believed in and followed this skewed religion my entire life, I became incresingly outraged and began to express my shock and disgust. 

Of course, this blog is an outgrowth of the emergence of the "new me."  A woman who no longer just goes along... a woman who knows what she thinks and isn't afraid (any longer) of expressing her thoughts, no matter what others may think or say... a woman who spent 52 years in the Mormon Church, toeing the line and adhering to its ridiculous teachings and doctrine, all of which are not "of God," but rather made up by Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon Church, and its first Prophet and Seer, and perpetuated by countless other men through the years.

So my hymn parody addressing these concepts is quite appropriately a revision of "Choose the Right."  There are many great thoughts in the original hymn, but sadly, those thoughts are not in line with the realities of Mormonism - a religion that purports to highly value honesty and integrity (and choosing the right), but plays very fast and loose with the truth in many ways. 

WHAT THE HELL?

Sung to the tune of Choose the Right, #239

What the hell?  Do they really think I'm stupid?

I can think, and I'm not that naïve.

Not a sheep, and I simply will not follow

The Mormon Party Line and "just believe."

(Chorus)

What the hell?  What the hell?

Let knowledge guide your way before.

Loudly yell, what the hell,

And common sense do not ignore.

What the hell?  Let nobody drag you under,

Stand up tall, and tell them it’s not true.

Filled with lies, it’s apparent if you research,

Go on the Internet, and get a clue.

(Chorus)

What the hell?  What the hell?

Let knowledge guide your way before.

Loudly yell, what the hell,

And common sense do not ignore.

What the hell?  There is evidence a-plenty,

Google it, the answers will be clear.

Obvious, the teachings are deceptive,

Do not stay with it because of fear.

(Chorus)

What the hell?  What the hell?

Let knowledge guide your way before.

Loudly yell, what the hell,

And common sense do not ignore.

© Diane Tingen, 6/17/2011

Seriously.  What the Hell???

THE VALUE OF CLICHES AND THE WANDERING MINDSET

This morning, I came across a very interesting post on the Slightly Moderated Stream of Consciousness blog entitled The Aimless Aim.  One of the topics this blog post discussed was the author's opinion that the value of clichés diminishes over time with their use.  The blogger started off this post by quoting JRR Tolkien's statement that "Not all those who wander are lost," and the first sentence of his post states, "Each time a cliché is repeated, it looses (sic) its rhetorical power."  Presumably, the blogger is tying these two thoughts together, perhaps insinuating that the Tolkien quote might be considered a cliché.

As I said in my comment to this post, while I agree with the Tolkien quote as shown above, I don't agree with the blogger's statement about the diminishing value of clichés.   The value of clichés may change to a certain degree over time, but I don't think their value ever diminishes to a point where their inherent value is ever substantially lost.  For instance, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" is a very valuable cliché in that it emphasizes the need to look at situations in an overall sense and not get tied up in details that might skew a person's outlook entirely.  This cliché is similar to not being able to "see the forest for the trees."  And of course, as someone who tends to want perfection out of all aspects of life, I've struggled over the years with the tendency to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" (in a rhetoric sense, of course) as well as getting so tied up in minutia that at times I have trouble "seeing the forest for the trees." 

Of course, there are many other clichés (and/or colloquialisms) that are very valuable in handling situations that life throws at us all.  In my journey away from Mormonism, I found myself struggling to a great extent with the "perfection" aspect of it all (i.e. "baby/bathwater" dilemma).  Some people are able to accept and/or look beyond all the lies, deceptions and cover-ups that the Mormon Church perpetuates.  Having read and heard many explanations for these obvious problem areas, I consider these explanations to be nothing more than rationalizations or delusions.  In my opinion, if you can't depend on a religion to be upfront and truthful about its history and doctrine, then what good is it?  In my opinion, a religion that professes to value truth and honesty should be truthful and honest in presenting its history and doctrine.  It shouldn't play fast and loose with the truth on one hand while professing to value truth, honesty and integrity on the other hand.  As far as I am concerned, this represents a huge credibility problem for the Mormon Church because since they have lied about so much, including its sordid history and questionable doctrine, then how can anything they say be trusted? 

So in leaving the Mormon Church after discovering all the lies, deceptions, cover-ups and contradictions, some may say that I got caught up in expecting too much perfection, that I threw the baby out with the bathwater, or that I tossed it aside because I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  In fact, when I have commented on some blog posts about these types of topics, saying that for me it is "all or nothing," I have been criticized by people saying that all religion is filled with lies and contradictions so why should Mormonism be any different.  That logic is lost on me, and I don't think it makes the lies acceptable.  "Actions speak louder than words," especially when "airing dirty laundry."  

The problems with Mormonism are "all over the map," and I got tired of always trying to "look on the bright side," especially since with each problem I discovered, it seemed like just "one more nail in the coffin."  It all became so "hard to swallow, and I found myself  "at my wit's end."  To me, it became as "plain as the nose on your face" that Mormonism was made-up from the get-go.  But then the philosophy of the Mormon Church seems to be, "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."  They also seem to adhere to the philosophy that "the ends justifies the means," but I don't think that is the case at all.  And they "gloss over" so much.  I may have been very naive and sheltered in my younger years because of my Mormon upbringing, but I'm definitely no "babe in the woods" now.  And I'm not "dumber than a box of rocks" either.  But although there are aspects of Mormonism that made me feel like I was "banging my head against a brick wall," at least I didn't "blow my brains out" before finally deciding to "cash in my chips" and "call it a day." 

As I'm sure has become very obvious, I could go on and on with the clichés, but I'll spare you any more for now since I'm sure you've more than gotten the point.

As far as the "wandering" part of the subject post is concerned, I was definitely born under a wandering star, so I can relate completely to what was said about that mindset.  Staying in one place for very long makes me feel stagnant, and experiencing the adventures that "wandering" brings makes me feel vital and alive.  As I stated above, I agree with the Tolkien quote that "not all who wander are lost," and with what the blogger says in his post that "the joy is in the journey, not the destination."  That statement may be a bit cliché, but in my opinion, it is a very valuable one.

Of course, in looking back at my life, anyone who examines it closely would see that I have "wandered" a bit.  I was born and raised in Central California (Fresno), went to college in Utah (BYU, Provo), and moved to Los Angeles in 1975.  While living in Southern California for the next 30 years, I lived in several places - first in Pasadena, then in the San Fernando Valley, then in Monrovia, and then in Orange County (Brea, Fullerton and Costa Mesa).  Obviously, in examining these moves, it becomes rather obvious that I was "wandering" a bit, perhaps searching for something.  But in the process of that searching, I had a lot of very valuable experiences that have added immeasureably to my life.

Then in January 2006, I decided to move to Atlanta, Georgia, to live near my brother (since he is my only sibling and our parents are both gone now).  While living in the Atlanta Metro area, I started off living in Peachtree City, and then lived in Kennesaw, Hampton, Druid Hills, Alpharetta and Sandy Springs.  Of course, the major purpose for my many Atlanta moves was because I really didn't like living in Georgia, so I was trying to find an area in Atlanta where I would like living.  But that never really worked because as it turned out, Georgia (and/or the South) and I just don't get along because there's way too much heat and humidity in the summer (which also affects the winters, making it bone-chilling cold); way too many bugs and spiders (of enormous size and proportions); way too much traffic with way too many people who tailgate at high speeds way too much; and way too many drivers who have little regard for pedestrians.  Seriously, people are taking their lives in their hands when they decide to walk around in Atlanta... oh, the stories I can tell...

When my daughter Monica (who had moved to Georgia with me) started talking about moving to Colorado to finish massage therapy school, I opted to join her on her trek back out West.  We have lived in Colorado for a little over a year now, and during that entire year, we have lived in Westminster, about 10 miles north of Denver (since that is where she has been going to school).  Monica has now finished massage therapy school and is graduating this coming Thursday, May 26, 2011 - and I am extremely proud of her for achieving that goal.  And next month, we are moving to Centennial, Colorado, which is about 10 miles south of Denver in an area that seems very conducive to Monica pursuing her goal of being a Massage Therapist. 

But while we are excited to be moving to this area, I became a little disconcerted when I discovered that there is a Mormon chapel just 2 blocks from our new condo (unbelievable!!) - and that the temple in Denver is in Centennial only 1-1/2 miles directly south of where we are going to live.  Oh, well... can't have everything, right?  I just hope they leave us alone... 

But regardless of what happens, I remind myself that "the joy is in the journey, not in the destination."  It doesn't matter what road blocks we might come across because that is part of the journey.  Learning to use those road blocks and detours as life lessons helps to enhance what a person gains from the journey itself.  Life truly is a journey of enormous proportions, and learning from what is thrown in our path is as important to the journey as are the somewhat easier steps we take.  And of course, trying not to backpedal and repeat mistakes is a very important lesson as well. 

So as the blogger from the Slightly Moderated Stream of Consciousness blog said in the closing paragraph of his The Aimless Aim post, "I like wandering.  I like meandering.  I'm in no hurry to meet my final destination.  I enjoy not being at the end, because that's the part where you (and by you I mean I) die."  And I'll end my post there, too.

OFFENDED???

It never ceases to amaze me that so many Mormons think that the "primary reason" for people leaving the Mormon Church is because they have been "offended."  Of course, what they are talking about is someone hurting another person's feelings, as though that would cause a large number of people to toss off the promise of "eternal salvation" and create a mass apostasy.  Perhaps some people do leave because they were offended by something another member said or did, or something that a Bishop or Stake President said or did, but automatically lumping everyone into the same pile diminshes and minimizes the real reasons behind why people leave the Mormon Church.

Recently, I found a link to a very interesting website: http://www.exmormonchallenge.com

On the home page of this website, it says:

People leave the Mormon Church (and become ‘ExMormons’ or former Mormons) for lots of reasons:

• Some get offended by the words or actions of other Mormon Church members
• Some succumb to temptations and find themselves entangled in sin
• Some have doctrinal or historical concerns or questions
• And many other reasons

For each individual who has left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and become an ExMormon, there is an equally unique story.  Some join other Christian churches, some become agnostic, and many leave God and all religion completely behind.  While I certainly don’t claim to understand each of these paths, I know there is one who does–the Savior Jesus Christ.  The scriptures talk about how Jesus suffered each of our pains and afflictions, so that he could understood our personal situations, be filled with mercy and comfort us (Alma 7).  Through Him, we can learn to forgive those who may have offended us, we can seek and receive forgiveness of our sins, and find answers to even the most difficult questions of life.

And thus my invitation, my “challenge” if you will, to each and every ExMormon.  Take the path less traveled.  Come back.  We love you, we need you, we miss you.  There will be members of the Church there to welcome you back.  And more importantly, the Savior is waiting with open arms.
____________________________________

I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church.  This website goes so far as to say, "Through Him, we can learn to forgive those who may have offended us, we can seek and receive forgiveness of our sins, and find answers to even the most difficult questions of life."

I agree with what this says.  If someone has truly offended us, we can learn to forgive them.  But the fact is that when the offense comes from being lied to and deceived about the very origins of a religion, as well as its history and doctrine, there is no overcoming the "offense."  The "offended" explanation for apostasy simply seeks to whitewash and minimize the realities behind why people become ExMormons.


For instance, it offends me that as a Mormon, I could not voice an independent thought or opposing opinion without being worried that someone would ridicule or shun me - or worse yet that I would be accused of verging on APOSTASY, like when my very TBM father told me that my "liberal thinking was going to get me into trouble some day."

It offends me that I was basically taught to keep my opinions to myself (while being given the not-very-subtle message that they really didn't matter or mean that much).

It offends me that as a Mormon, I was told that "When the prophet speaks, the debate is over."  As if whatever thoughts and ideas I have are not important. Someone else more important needs to do my thinking for me.

It offends me that Boyd K. Packer thinks it's okay to say things like, "Some things that are true are not useful." Since when is truth not useful? In essence, he is telling everyone that lying is perfectly fine. But then, in essence that's what the Mormon Church tells everyone.

It offends me that I was relegated to a subservient role by a male-dominted, male-oriented religion that treats women as second class citizens and has a very definite double-standard.

It offends me that as a 22 year old girl, I went to the temple to receive my "endowments," and was subjected to such a ridiculous barage of Masonic images and rituals.

It offends me that I was told that the temple ceremonies were so "sacred" that they could not be discussed outside the walls of the temple, but when I tried to talk to anyone about them in the Celestial Room, I was shushed and rushed out by the temple workers.

It offends me when I read the Journal of Discourses and see what the early prophets in the church really thought of certain groups, like women and Blacks. 

It offends me that when I questioned as to why the Blacks were denied the priesthood, I was given such ridiculous explanations as their being "less valiant" in the pre-existent and/or that they were descendants of Cain who was cursed with a dark skin after killing Able (especially since that philosophy clearly contradicts the 2nd Article of Faith which says that men shall be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression).

It offends me that Blacks could not hold the priesthood until 1978 and that when they were finally given that right, it was said that the Lord had revealed this change, not that the Mormon Church had been threatened by the IRS with losing its tax-exempt status for discriminatory practices.

And I could go on and on...

Point-blank, Mormonism in its entirety offends me.

These are only a few of the things that offended me when I was a Mormon.  And I worked through them.  But I would have to be extremely shallow to leave the church over such a "personal offense."  And I'm a lot of things, but I'm not shallow.

IMO, the following post hits the nail on the head.

"You left because you were offended"
Post on ExMormon Forums by InsanaD, 1/20/2011

Oh how often we've heard this tired excuse. How often it's used to marginalize the one who finds credible fault with the inconsistencies and untruths in the LDS church and doctrine, and yet how far off the mark it often is. It's a low class tactic meant to suggest that the person that left just couldn't handle normal human relationships. It suggests that they misinterpret, are playing victim, and lack the courage to work things out in civil manners. It negates their core argument and turns the discussion to their personal weakness, percieved or real.

We hear these games taught from the pulpit from leaders at the very top of the LDS church. We hear the subsequent message given in a sort of whisper campaign like the ones Karl Rove instigated on Bush's rivals. The cumulative effect is to draw attention from the hard questions being asked and to zero in on the disaffected. A bandaid for a gushing head wound.

I've fallen prey to this game numerous times and I suspect my mother graduated Suma Cum Laude from the school of Passive Agressiveness. The twisted gyrations to turn attention away from the many difficult questions was frustrating and I always came out the bully, the loser, the negative nelly and nay sayer. But in the end regardless of how they saw me, I still had hard questions that weren't answered or were outright lied about.

If someone asks me why I left the LDS church I now say "YES, I left because I was offended!"

I left because I was offended. Really, my feelings were hurt.

One thing that genuinely offends me is when some arrogant entitled LDS person thinks that by lumping all those who leave the church into the "Offended/Sinner" category it absolves them from having to examine the vast wasteland of horrific offenses that the church has done to so many and permeates the culture and history of the church. If they can marginalize those that leave with such a blanket accusation it may offer them some comfort for their own ignorance and naive perspective but it does nothing to help bridge the chasm that exists between the disaffected and the devout.

I left because I was offended. I was offended at the doctrine, the leadership, the history, the culture, the oppression, the lies, the lies, the lies and more lies. I was offended at the corruption, the graft, the good ol' boys games, the misogynist sexual discrimination, the cruel way the culture extorts silence from dissenters, the ostricization, the manipulation and backward indoctrination of children, the group think mindset that dominates any sort of honest intellectual integrity. I was offended by the grey dull tedious repressive leaders. I was offended by so much that it would take volumes to write it all out. I left because I was offended. Lies offend me. I must be a big baby.

I will continue to be offended at the lies the church continues to tell and forces their devotees to swallow. If it comforts those who give their loyalty to such a corrupt organization as the LDS church to think that folks like me left because we were offended, then by all means, placate the passive aggressive game with such silliness. They sure as hell won't win friends and influence people but they can sit comfortably in their little home teaching room and congratulate themselves that they stayed loyal to a corrupt lying organization and are among folks who think just like them. They belong there.

Comment to this post - by Rainfather, 1/22/2011

I'm free to study anything I want to, without someone commenting, "You shouldn't be reading that stuff." Life is suddenly an exciting mystery. It's so much happier now without the dogma of any religious organization. I study so many different faiths now. When you do that, it really highlights how many different beliefs there are out there and how many there have been throughout history.

You live in such a tiny box when you live within Mormonism. Unfortunately, you don't see that until you're on the outside, looking back. That's when you see the box and everyone running around in it. You feel sorry for them and wish you could rescue them all. But at some point, you finally realize that they're happy in their little box and that they don't want to be rescued.

You simply rejoice for those who have made their way out, and many will.  Some of them find their way here, where we try to help them to heal their wounds (for those who are wounded). I'm at the point where I feel no need to work through the issues of the church anymore. I don't care about debating the issues. I have healed and moved on. I remain only to help those who are at the beginning of their journey out or are struggling.

As for being offended? Sure there are those who offended me. I'm lucky. There were only a few. But I never would have left because of them. I simply put them down as jerks and went about my business. The only reason I left was because I'd made the discovery that the church wasn't what it claimed to be, and I knew that with a 100% surety after a lot of study and research.
_____________________________________________

Ditto to what both InsanaD and Rainfather said in the above post and comment.  And the bolded part above is exactly why I left.  But when it comes down to it, yes, I was offended, very offended.  Not by any one person per se, but by lies, deception, cover-ups and contradictions perpetuated by the Mormon Church that are laced throughout both its history and doctrine.

Joseph Smith lied.  Period.  End of story.  Subsequent leaders have perpetuated those lies, and in many ways have enhanced them.  Latching on to the explanation for Joseph Smith's behavior as touted in the book "Rough Stone Rolling" is also perpetuating those lies.  And those members who ignore what is blatantly clear about the Mormon Church's history and doctrine are continuing to perpetuate those lies.  Really, since when is lying okay?  That quote by Boyd K. Packer really irritates me - "Some things that are true are not very useful."  Just ridiculous.

 

I can put up with a lot.  I'm a trooper, and I tend to "hang in there" until I'm holding on by nothing but a fingernail.  But one thing I can't tolerate is deceit and dishonesty.  Being lied to.  Especially by a religious organization that purports to value truth and honesty.  Just tell me the truth.  Is that too much to ask?

So when I am asked if the reason I left the Mormon Church was because I was offended, I will answer... "Yes, I was offended, and I am still offended by the lies, deceit, cover-ups and contradictions embodied within Mormonism and perpetuated by its 'prophet' and leaders.  Very offended."