HOW MANY TYPES OF MORMONS ARE THERE?

No, this is not a joke - even though it sounds like it could be.

Like... How many Mormons does it take to turn a light bulb?

I found some answers to this joke online (from 2006).
See:  http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/4088-how-many-mormons-does-take-change-light-bulb.html

Here's one answer (well, multiple answers but one post):

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society, it takes four.  One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece.  And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council and delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders, it takes four. Three that don't show up, and one to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests, it takes four. Two to push the wheel chairs, one to handle the oxygen tank, and one to screw in the light bulb. 

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two - but you have to wait until the end of the month. 

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket and the whole world revolves around him. 

Someone else responded like this:

They forgot the Young Women ~ in my ward, there would be a cheerleader, a soccer player, and two to make a fashion statement.  Oh, the light bulb?  Is it really out??

And here's another answer from someone else (remember, this is from 2006): 

It takes 12,560,869 Mormons to change a light bulb (the total Church membership according to the most recent Conference Report). One prophet to propose it in General Conference, and 12,560,867 to sustain the motion and accept it as Scripture and as God's Will, and one to actually change the light bulb.

In the above thread, there were these answers relating to other groups (and I can't leave them out):

How many Catholics? ... None, they use candles.

How many Fundamentalists? ...None, they don't believe in change.

How many Pentecostals? ... Seven, one to change the bulb, and six to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Charismatics? ... Just one...and her hands are already raised.

How many Baptists? ... Fifteen: 12 to serve on four different committees, one to bring the fried chicken, one to bring the potato salad, and one to do the work.

How many government employees? Twenty-seven: 12 to serve on four different committees, 8 to complete proposals and after-action reports, four to supervise, two to stand by as relief, and one to attempt to screw the new bulb into a water faucet.

Okay, with that out of the way, back to my original question...

Just how many types of Mormons are there?  I decided to start writing down the ones I could think of, and they are listed below.

TBM - True Believing Mormon.  Born and raised in the Mormon Church. Accepts it all at face value and doesn't question anything. Just goes along with it all despite what issues may arise. Basically, a "just believe" mentality. Blind faith. Sadly, this is the category into which I fell for many years.

Converted Mormon - becomes TBM. In some ways, the truth is hidden from them at first (since many things are not discussed in the "missionary lessons" due to the "Milk before Meat" philosophy, and they do not receive an accurate view of the history of the Mormon Church), and they close their eyes to the possibility that what they thought was true is simply not valid at all. Some do come to realize that the church is actually bogus and leave the church, but others stay and transform into one of the other categories as described below.

Converted Mormon, but doesn't really believe. Actually got baptized "for another person," such as a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. They act as though they believe and on the surface they seem TBM, but in reality only joined because they valued the relationship with the loved one for whom they joined in the first place.

Questioning Mormon (but still accepting). Has some issues with certain doctrines, but places them on the shelf and tries to "just believe." Buys the mantra that if a person is having trouble believing something, then what is needed is more study of the scriptures and praying for correct answers. In other words, a mentality that says "it's me, not the church."

New Order Mormon (NOM). This is an interesting group, which is described at this link: http://www.newordermormon.org/. This website says, "New Order Mormons are those who no longer believe some (or much) of the dogma or doctrines of the LDS Church, but who want to maintain membership for cultural, social, or even spiritual reasons. New Order Mormons recognize both good and bad in the Church, and have determined that the Church does not have to be perfect in order to remain useful. New Order Mormons seek the middle way to be Mormon."  The "middle way to be Mormon" is described on the website as well. Naturally, some of these Mormons fall into the Social Mormon category described below - and some are actually Shadow Mormons (as explained below).

Social Mormon. Doesn't really believe, but keeps attending church for the social aspects of membership. They have a lot of friends in the church, and they don't want to lose the social interactions.  Some NOMs fall into this category as do a lot of college-age young adults.

Of course, there are also Cafeteria Mormons (who simply pick and choose what they believe and will adhere to), and Jack Mormons (who do not attend church but "still believe" to some extent).

And let's not leave out ExMormons and PostMormons.  People who, after realizing that Mormonism is a complete fraud, have had the guts to leave it all behind.  I am proud to be a member of this category now.

Some of these categories are very disturbing to me.  When someone just accepts something regardless of whatever issues may arise, they are closing their eyes and minds to the possibility that what they are clinging to is actually completely bogus. But when someone knows that something isn't true and yet continues to act as though it is, defending certain issues that are basically groundless and make no sense, it is equally disturbing.  Actual truth is very important since it is based on facts and evidence.  But the quote by Boyd K. Packer ("Some things that are true are not useful") infers that truth is not important.

But the saddest type of Mormon, IMO, is a Shadow Mormon.

In October 2010, I attended the Ex-Mormon Conference (which is held in Salt Lake City in October every year). It was my first time attending this conference, and it was a great experience.  I have not been able to attend since then but I'm hoping to be able to attend again this year.  During the conference, a film was aired entitled "In the Shadow of the Temple," and watching this film was a very emotional experience. There are probably 20 or more people who appear in the interviews in this film, and each one tells very heartfelt stories.

Some of those interviewed have left the church, and all of them faced a similar rejection by family, friends and community. Others no longer believe, but remain active because of family or community pressure. The latter are filmed in shadows, to obscure their identity. These are the people referred to as Shadow Mormons. They define Shadow Mormons as those who privately do not accept the exacting doctrine of the Church, but publicly profess to be true believers. They are in shadow to protect their relationships with family, friends and employers.

Here is a link to an article that I recently found about this film: http://mormonmatters.org/2009/12/22/in-the-shadow-of-the-temple-by-guest/

I am so glad that I began to question - and that I was able to transition from TBM to Questioning Mormon - and eventually to ExMormon.  My life is so much happier now because I am living an authentic life and being true to who I really am.  I am not bottling up my issues, putting them on a shelf, or hiding them from anyone.  Full and complete disclosure - and let the chips fall where they may.

QUESTIONING THE MORMON CHURCH - LDS Hymn Parody #102

ASSUME NOTHING.  QUESTION EVERYTHING.  AND START THINKING.

Very good advice.  For many years, though, I did not adhere to that philosophy, particularly when it came to my religion.  Being born and raised Mormon, I simply went along for almost 52 years, having adopted the philosophy of "just believe."  I did question some things from time to time, but I also accepted the Mormon-induced mantra that if I didn't understand something, then "it was  me, not the church."  I just needed to be more humble, pray more, study the scriptures more, and then it would all make sense.  Of course, that never happened - but I stuck in there anyway...

For so many years, I was not intellectually curious at all.  Since going through my journey out of Mormonism, it seems like my mind and consciousness have expanded in many ways.  My intellectual curiosity has finally taken hold, having been squelched for so many years by Mormonism and its tenets. 

Looking back now, I could kick myself for being so accepting without questioning it all - because when I really looked at it all, I realized that none of it makes any sense.  It is so obvious to me now that Joseph Smith made up the whole thing from the get-go.  Totally bogus - a complete fraud.

And with those thoughts in mind, here is my 102nd LDS Hymn Parody...

QUESTIONING THE MORMON CHURCH
Sung to the tune of Reverently and Meekly Now - #185

1.  Questioning the Mormon Church,
Is it truth for which you search?
Look beyond what they may say,
Just believe, you must obey.
But it’s not a mystery,
If you look at history.
Very sordid, to the core,
Sleazy tales I can’t ignore.

2.  Twas made up by Joseph Smith,
Clearly, it is just a myth.
Simply use your common sense
Looking at the evidence.
Not an ounce of truth within,
Though they try to give it spin.
Whitewash it and cover-up,
In the end, it won’t hold up.

3.  Mormonism is not true,
Glad I finally got a clue.
For so long, I just believed,
Then I saw I was deceived.
Pure deception, total fraud,
Just pretense, a false façade.
Plainly, it is laced with lies,
For the truth, no compromise.

4.  Since I left the Mormon Church,
Many say I do besmirch
As I slander, rant and smear
What the members hold so dear.
But the Mormons are misled,
And I cannot left unsaid
What I see as blatant lies,
My concern, I can’t disguise.

© Diane Tingen, 6/21/2013

LDS HYMN PARODIES #97, 98, 99, 100 and 101

As I have gotten nearer to the #100 mark in my writing of LDS Hymn Parodies, it seems that my brain has gone into overdrive - because in the past two days, I have written FIVE of these parodies.  The minute I finished one, another one began writing itself in my mind.  Of course, in reality, these parodies always seem to write themselves.  Or perhaps it's just the way my mind works since, as my daughter recently told me, I apparently have a gift for blasphemy.

After I finished these five LDS hymn parodies, I was going to post each one separately, but then I decided to post them all together as a testament to not only reaching my goal, but surpassing it.  Of course, now I'm going to have to set a new goal (which is becoming much more difficult since I've done so many already).  But I'm up to the challenge...

LDS Hymn Parody #97
WITH LIES AT ITS CORE
Sung to the tune of The Time is Far Spent - #266

With lies at its core, there is little remaining
To bolster its claims that it is the true church.
Then hasten, ye Mormons, go forward unyielding,
Despite what they tell you, just do some research,
Despite what they tell you, just do some research.

For years, I believed and accepted the teachings,
Whatever they said was the truth, I agreed.
Just followed the doctrine, no critical thinking,
Relying on faith was my ultimate creed,
Relying on faith was my ultimate creed.

But then realized that within Mormonism
Are mountains of lies and deception complete.
I knew in an instant, much more than a symptom,
So clearly I saw it, the fraud and deceit,
So clearly I saw it, the fraud and deceit.

So patently clear, there is nothing redeeming
In holding out lies as though they are correct.
Throughout Mormonism, the members deceiving
With fraudulent teachings, the truth they neglect,
With fraudulent teachings, the truth they neglect.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #98
THE TRUTH IS MY LINCHPIN
Sung to the tune of The Lord is my Shepherd - #108

The truth is my linchpin; please don’t tell me lies.
Don’t feed me deception, and tell me it’s true.
Just give me the truth and don’t try to disguise
Whatever the facts are, the truth will shine through,
Whatever the facts are, the truth will shine through.

I was born and raised Mormon, and just went along,
Whatever they told me, in faith I believed.
Though I had some issues, I tried to stay strong,
But then I discovered that I’d been deceived,
But then I discovered that I’d been deceived.

As I went through the teachings of the Mormon Church,
My mind filled with questions; it didn’t make sense.
And so as I studied and did some research,
The questions were answered, it’s filled with pretense,
The questions were answered, it’s filled with pretense.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #99
DRAPED IN LIES
Sung to the tune of Secret Prayer - #144

1.  When I began to have some doubts,
I soon would realize
That Mormonism is not true,
In fact, it’s draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

2.  So now I have no doubts at all,
And there is no disguise.
No question it’s a total fraud,
And clearly draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

3. For many years, my faith was strong,
But much to my surprise,
When I began to question it,
I found it’s draped in lies.

(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.

4. I used to simply go along,
Although that wasn’t wise.
Because when I researched it all,
So plainly draped in lies.

(Chorus)
Very clear, it's filled with lies,
And though they try to disguise
All the facts, deception deep,
No one buys it but the sheep.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #100
IF YOU LOOK OBJECTIVELY
Sung to the tune of I Have Work Enough to Do - #224

If you look objectively,
You will find the truth.
Do some research carefully,
You will find the truth.
Every question will be answered
That by which you have been bothered,
All the qualms that you have whispered,
You will find the truth.

If the doctrines you appraise,
As you seek the truth,
As you sort through Mormon ways,
When you seek the truth.
Every time you have felt censored,
Each resentment you have harbored,
As for comfort you have hungered
When you seek the truth.

If you open up your eyes,
As you seek the truth,
You’ll see there’s no compromise
As you seek the truth.
Every time you have felt pressured
By the issues you have pondered,
As your confidence is bolstered,
You will find the truth.

If you see that it’s a fraud,
As you seek the truth,
Recognize its false façade,
As you seek the truth.
When you see the lies you’ve weathered,
You may feel your world is shattered,
But you’ll see it’s truth that mattered,
When you find the truth.

© Diane Tingen, 5/24/2013


LDS Hymn Parody #101
SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH AND DON'T SETTLE
Sung to the tune of Praise to the Lord, the Almighty - #72

Search for the truth and don’t settle for pitiful answers.
Think for yourself and examine each one of the layers.
It’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise
For all the obvious errors.

Search for the truth and discard the apparent deception.
Study it all as you look closely at every question.
The Mormon Church
Cannot stand up to research,
Look at the history and doctrine.

Searching for truthfulness in Mormonism is pointless,
So clear in my mind that all of the doctrine is bogus.
It is a fraud,
It is not the Word of God,
Built on a fraudulent premise.

Search for the truth and rely on your own intuition,
As you review it, look closely at each contradiction.
Then you will see
And then perhaps you’ll agree
That Mormonism is fiction.

© Diane Tingen, 5/24/2013

WHERE IS TRUTH IN MORMONISM? – LDS Hymn Parody #96

Here's my latest LDS Hymn Parody (#96), which asks the question, "Where is Truth in Mormonism?" Of course, it's very clear from reading my blog that my answer to that question is NOWHERE. There is not an ounce of truth in Mormonism - not an iota, grain, particle, scrap or smidgeon. In my opinion, Joseph Smith just made up the whole thing.  No matter how a person tries to rationalize it all out, say that "sometimes we have to accept things on faith," I just don't buy it.  Like I've said before, having faith is great, but when the facts and evidence are against something being true, then it's not faith anymore but rather denial.

Very simply, I am not able to do the mental gymnastics it would take to arrive at the conclusion that's it true.  No, after all that I have discovered about Mormonism, its doctrine and extremely sordid history, I cannot come to any other conclusion than that Mormonism is a total fraud.

WHERE IS TRUTH IN MORMONISM?
Sung to the tune of Truth Reflects upon Our Senses ‑ #273


1. Where is truth in Mormonism?
Not an ounce is to be found.
You can search from top to bottom,
Find yourself on shaky ground.
Joseph Smith was not a prophet,
Just a con man, through and through.
Not an element of merit,
So apparent it’s not true.

(Chorus)
Mormonism, false religion,
Duping people, right and left,
With its fabricated doctrine,
Of the truth, it is bereft.

2. When I studied Mormonism,
An objective point of view,
Using common sense and wisdom,
Every issue I’d review,
Before long, I saw it clearly,
And I knew it wasn’t true.
But although it wasn’t easy,
As a Mormon, I was through.


(Chorus)
Mormonism, false religion,
Duping people, right and left,
With its fabricated doctrine,
Of the truth, it is bereft.

3. So I hope that all the Mormons
Will look closely at their church.
Study all the church’s doctrines,
Do some reading and research.
Look at independent writings,
Not the ones the church holds out,
And review all of their findings
To remove remaining doubt.


(Chorus)
Only then with eyes wide open
An informed decision make.
Then perhaps they’ll see deception,
And to all the lies awake.

© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013

IT IS SO APPARENT - LDS Hymn Parody #95

You know what really irritates me???  That I went along with Mormonism for so many years, and then when I finally used critical thinking, it made absolutely no sense.  At that point, it was an absolute mystery to me why I ever believed it in the first place.  Still is.

Now I look so many things embodied within Mormonism, and I am appalled.  Like the Book of Abraham and Joseph Smith's supposed translation of the Egyptian papyri, as well as how he obtained the papyri.  Five papyri and four mummies were purchased from Michael Chandler who was touring the area and stopped in Kirtland, Ohio with a traveling mummie exhibition.  When Joseph Smith entered the exhibition along with two others, Mr. Chandler asked Joseph (knowing of his notoriety for claiming to have "translated" the gold plates of the Book of Mormon) to look at the scrolls and tell them what they said.  After examining them, Joseph and two others paid over $2,400 for the five papyri and four mummies (which was a lot of money in 1835).  Obviously, this "traveling salesman" saw them coming.  One con man duping another con man.

Of course, there are so many more bogus claims within Mormonism, as well as a mountain of extremely sordid history.  In looking at Mormonism closely, it became transparently clear to me that none of it is true.  It was at that moment when I finally accepted the fact that I had been duped my entire life, and it was as if my eyes were open for the first time.

Accepting it all at face value was my biggest mistake.  Having been born and raised in the Mormon Church, I relied too much on what other Mormons told me (including my father), and not enough on my own inner voice.  I should have started doing my own independent research much earlier in my life.  But then, I wasn't very intellectually curious back then.  Looking back, I really think Mormonism squelched my intellectual curiosity  and I came to accept things without looking at them objectively. 

But then, everything happens in its own time.  Perhaps I was meant to uncover the truth and find my own voice later in my life.  Who knows?  What I do know, though, is that finally living an authentic life is a very rewarding existence.  Being able to openly talk about my issues with Mormonism is also very fulfilling.  Although TBMs would like for me to just shut up and keep my opinions to myself (and stop blogging!!), I cannot do that because I know it's very important for me to express my feelings and make my voice be heard.  Keeping quiet about it all is the very last thing I want to do - and the least healthy for me psychologically.

So here is my 95th LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to being Mormonism free - and finally being free to simply be ME.

IT IS SO APPARENT
Sung to the tune of We Are All Enlisted - #250

1.  It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,

The Mormon Church, The Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
Found out when I did my own research.
Studied the details, found out the truth,
Wish I had done that back in my youth.
A devout Mormon for many years,
Then broke away, broke away, shedding many tears.

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

2.  When I did my research, the deception was clear,
Opened my eyes, opened my eyes.
Full of fabrications, not as it would appear,
Knew right then that I had not been wise.
They said believe it, I followed suit,
So very faithful, did not dispute.
Blindly accepted what they would say,
Until I saw, til I saw, much to my dismay…

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

3.  After all the heartache, I am finally free,
Mormon no more, Mormon no more.
No more heavy burden, I am free to be me,
On my life before, I closed the door.
Should have been wiser, not just a clone,
Could have been different if I had known.
Critical thinking, a better choice,
And finally, finally, I have found my voice.

(Chorus)
It is so apparent that it’s packed full of lies,
The Mormon Church, the Mormon Church.
They can try to mask it, but there is no disguise,
So apparent when you do research.

© Diane Tingen, 5/21/2013

MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY - LDS Hymn Parody #94

Earlier this week, I got an email from a TBM who has read my blog - an 18 year old boy who has submitted his mission papers.  In this email, he said that he has read several of my hymn parodies, and... well, here's his email:

I have grown up in the lds church all my life and never was I told to stop asking questions or to not worry about my questions. I had many questions. I have been studying the church's history for almost three years now. I completely understand how you are angry at the church. It can be very hard to understand. I have found for myself the truth and it has made my testimony of Joseph smith and the restoration of the gospel steadfast and immovable. I am a worthy 18 year old young man and am proud to say that I have turned my mission papers in so I can serve god. I have spent countless hours studying church history. I have not as you might say justified or am in denial and I am not ignorant. I have found the explanations of the truth. I decided to wright you because I read some of your hymn parody's and I do think you have quite the talent for poems, however as to your blog "yet another anonymous" you quoted Christopher miller. To this I say you don't know if the well is poisoned or not. I have found great joy by drinking out of the well. So I am asking you to stop blogging about your hatered for Mormonism its just not nice. let us freely believe in what we want and we will let you freely believe in what you want. I would like to hear back from you. I think you are a very intelligent person and I think you probably live your life at a high standard. I do not care much for arguing about who's right but rather I delight in conversation of views.  Thank you for your time.

Ah, "my blogging about my hatered for Mormonism its just not nice."  My bad. 

After weeding my way through this email, I responded, thanking him for his email - and then setting out some areas about which I wanted to know his views (such as Polygamy, Polyandry, the Book of Abraham, the Book of Mormon, the supposed Martyrdom of Joseph Smith, the Nauvoo Expositor, the First Vision and its different accounts, etc.).  But when he responded, he did not address any of queries.  Instead, he said the following:

Diane! i am very glad to hear back from you. you responded so quickly i didn't realize you had, thank you.  i am not naive about any of this. i worked very long and very hard to get my answers i am not educated in this but i have studied a lot and enough to form my own views. i was never told to believe anything, not from the church and not from family. i once asked for my dads help on a question, he kindly told me that i could figure it out and only told me to read books. my father didn't even tell me which books to read. he said information on the internet is unreliable. i found this to be true as to the fact that many internet sources on the matter are by people who are uneducated on the matter such as you and they place so much of their opinion within the facts. my church leaders would give me their opinion on the subject and tell me to find my own answer to the question most of my leaders answers i didn't agree with. that or i didn't fully agree with it. though that's the beauty of it, we are all able to find truth in our own way. that's why the church promotes us to ask for our self's. I often found myself reading books by Hugh Nibley. his explanations of my questions were very thorough. i liked reading his stuff because he is a convert to the church and is very well educated. (he did his research first hand). obviously, this didn't stop me from going to internet sites that were completely anti-mormon. i did visit your blog and revisited. 

Diane in my last letter i explained that i don't enjoy arguing about who's right. i could go through each of these and give you the explanations that i have found but we both know that neither of us will give on the matter. we could go back and forth for days. if you want to see my views i will tell you the books i read for each question and the chapter i found most truth in. Hugh Nibley and other authors explain it so much better then i could ( i am very young). i am so much more interested in hearing about what you now believe i find that that would be a much better conversation. 

the well is poisoned (in your opinion) you don't know it is poisoned. you cant know because me and so many other people have studied the same information as you and have declared it a well that will give you everlasting life. not all Mormon's are ignorant as you may think they are. in fact most are very well informed about their church history. again i am asking you to stop blogging about your hate for gods church. it is very hurtful that someone can be so mean about what someone believes. i love my religion and for you to attack it is to attack me. i don't care if you want to say that you only hate Mormonism and not Mormons. this church is such a big part of my life, that this is nothing less than a direct attack on me.  thank you for your time.

Of course, he's right about one thing - we could go back and forth for days and even longer, and we probably wouldn't get anywhere (especially since he seems to think Hugh Nibley's word is golden).  So I will probably send him a response saying, "Stop blogging?  Isn't going to happen."  I think I'll also include the fact that though the Mormon Church claims that there are 14 million Mormons in the world, less than half of them are active.  So that means that there are 7 million active Mormons (and that's a high estimate).  Given that the world's population is 7 billion, that means that the 7 million Mormons are .1% of the current world's population.  Yes, that's one tenth of one percent.  So much for "me and so many other people" who have "studied the same information as I have and declared it" to be true.  Does he really think that God is only going to save Mormons in the Celestial Kingdom - when they are such a small percentage (in fact, infinitesimal) of the people who are living on the earth right now?  Of course, when you add in all those who have preceded the current population, it makes the Mormons even a smaller percentage of the entire picture.  Mormons can be so egotistical in thinking that they are the only ones who have the "correct answers."
This 18 year old boy is obviously all "gung-ho" about the Mormon Church and not willing to look at alternative views.  Hopefully, though, one day he will see the actual truth.  I hope this for all Mormons.  Because clearly, the problems are plenty... 

So here is my latest LDS Hymn Parody - my 94th one to date.  I've been working on some others, so hopefully soon I'll hit the 100 mark.

MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY
Sung to the tune of Master, the Tempest Is Raging ‑ #105

1. Mormons, the problems are plenty,
So clearly it’s all a fraud.
I think if you look at it closely,
You’ll see that it’s hugely flawed.
Carest thou not that it’s bullshit?
How canst thou go along?
If you take off the blinders, you’ll see it,
The whole thing is clearly wrong.

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Whether they tell you to just believe,
Don’t simply accept it and be that naïve.
The facts and the evidence clearly show
What Joseph Smith conjured up years ago.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
There’s no disguise.

2. Mormons, some critical thinking
Is called for, not blind belief.
The questions I found myself asking
Were answered with great relief.
For many years, I believed it,
Stuck my head in the sand.
Though it took me some time to admit it,
Such joy when I took a stand.

(Chorus)
Just opened my eyes and could see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
I heard the mantra to just believe,
And for many years, I was blind and naïve.
It wasn’t till I did my own research,
Deception I saw in the Mormon Church.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
There’s no disguise.

3. Mormons, it’s filled with deception,
Just look with discerning eyes.
The falsehoods throughout it aren’t hidden,
The evidence truth belies.
So many Mormons accept it,
Saying their bosoms burn,
And they bear testimony on Sunday,
But when will the truth they learn?

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
It is not wise when you just believe,
They say just accept it, but don’t be naïve.
When all of the facts show it is not true,
Don’t stay in denial, but say adieu.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
False façade, false façade.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
Not Word of God.

© Diane Tingen, 5/16/2013

GRASPING AT STRAWS - LDS Hymn Parody #93

In thinking about Mormonism, so many cliches, idioms and phrases come to mind, such as: (1) Jumping to conclusions; (2) Burying their heads in the sand; (3) Turning a blind eye; (4) Turning a deaf ear; (5) Grasping at straws; etc.

Of course, many Mormons think that anyone who leaves the Mormon Church is going to hell in a hand basket.  Naturally, TBMs think that all ExMormons have an ax to grind, that we are all loose cannons, and have seriously lost our marbles.  They seem to constantly be jumping to conclusions about ExMormons' motives, state of mind, and even morals.

Sadly, though, discussing subjects relating to Mormonism with most Mormons is not a level playing field because so many have absolutely no idea about the real facts surrounding Mormon Church History or that it is extremely sordid.  Many TBMs also have limited information about the realities of Mormon teachings and doctrines.  Even if they do listen, they quickly jump to the conclusion that what ExMormons are really talking about is simply all smoke and mirrors and that ExMormons are trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

So many TBMs simply go along and turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to anything even slightly negative about the Mormonism.  "There's none so blind as those who will not see" (and likewise, there's none so deaf as will not hear).  Essentially, they seem to spend their time burying their heads in the sand, refusing to even look at other viewpoints.  Also, so many seem to grasp at straws, rationalizing their way through Mormonism and its obvious problems, attempting to invent a way to color it all in a positive light.

So here is my 93rd LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to one of the exercises that all TBMs seem to get a lot of...

GRASPING AT STRAWS
Sung to the tune of True to the Faith - #254


1. While the Mormon Church continues
To attempt to hide details
All about its sordid history,
In the end, the truth prevails.  Yes!!


(Chorus)
Grasping at straws as the Mormons refuse to see,
They just believe what they’re told to obediently.
It’s full of lies, there’s no disguise,
And for the truth, there’s no compromise.


2. The deception is apparent
If you open up your eyes.
Do some independent research
And the lies you’ll recognize.  Yes!!


(Chorus)
Grasping at straws as the Mormons refuse to see,
They just believe what they’re told to obediently.
It’s full of lies, there’s no disguise,
And for the truth, there’s no compromise.


3. It is clear that Mormonism
Was a hoax right from the start.
Was made up by Brother Joseph
With deception off the chart.  Yes!!


(Chorus)
Grasping at straws as the Mormons refuse to see,
They just believe what they’re told to obediently.
It’s full of lies, there’s no disguise,
And for the truth, there’s no compromise.


4. How they market Mormonism
Saying it’s the Word of God,
Is a ploy to gain new members,
Mormonism is a fraud.  Yes!!


(Chorus)
Grasping at straws as the Mormons refuse to see,
They just believe what they’re told to obediently.
It’s full of lies, there’s no disguise,
And for the truth, there’s no compromise.

© Diane Tingen, 4/4/2013

COME, ALL THOSE WHO SEE THE LIES - LDS Hymn Parody #92

Looking back at those very dark days when I was earnestly questioning the Mormon Church, I remember struggling with so many things.  Having been born and raised Mormon, my life was completely submerged in Mormonism - so I knew that if I decided to walk away, I was giving up much more than just my religion.  I was giving up the only way of life I had ever known.  Of course, that's what the Mormon Church counts on, and that's the way they keep a lot of members.  In the end, though, I decided that was a small price to pay for living an authentic life - but in the midst of it all, I was in a great deal of turmoil.

I really wish I had turned to the Ex-Mormon community earlier in my disaffection process.  But I did not go on any Ex-Mormon or Post-Mormon websites until I had already left the Church.  In fact, the first time I went on www.exmormon.org was after Thanksgiving dinner in 2008 when my brother told me that he wanted to show me the genealogy he had uploaded onto the Mormon Church genealogy website - www.familysearch.org.  After looking at our family genealogy on www.familysearch.org, I decided to look at Joseph Smith's pedigree chart - and that is when I first discovered that Joseph Smith had married women who were already married to living husbands).  When I first made this discovery, I was completely dumbfounded since I had been a member of the Mormon Church for over 52 years before I finally disassociated myself from my life-long religion - and not once had I heard of this even taking place.  Naturally, I had heard of Polygamy (although I never really knew the real truth behind that practice until I began my research prior to going on the Mormon Church History Tour in the Summer of 2001).  But Polyandry?  I was floored!!

When I got home from that Thanksgiving dinner, I decided to do some more research about this - and that's when I found out that this practice is called Polyandry.  On Google, I saw links to some articles about Polyandry, and followed a few of them.  One of the links lead me to www.exmormon.org and an article by Bob McCue.  After reading this article, I decided to go on the discussion board (mainly to see how many others even knew about Polyandry), and that was the first time that I even exchanged messages with any Ex-Mormons.  It was an enlightening experience because whereas I had struggled for a few years with thinking that I was misunderstanding things, that I must just not be righteous enough to understand it all, that I just needed to endure to the end as I had been told innumerable times, etc., etc., ad nauseum, I began to realize that many others shared my views of the lies that are obviously laced throughout Mormonism.  What a eye-opener that was!!

Of course, the fact that I didn't go onto www.exmormon.org until then is a testament to the brainwashing I had received my entire life.  Even in the aftermath of my discovery of the deception that is encompassed in Mormonism, subconsciously I had continued to follow the admonition not to talk to "those angry apostates."  Truly, brainwashing dies hard.

So if I had one thing to do over again in my journey away from Mormonism, it would have been to garner strength from those who were also questioning as well as those who had already made the leap to leave.  That would have provided so much reassurance and would have made me not feel so alone in my quest for truth as well as my decision to close the door and walk away.  That is what is so valuable about websites like www.exmormon.org.  Later on, I discovered www.postmormon.org as well, and I gained a lot of strength from discussions on that website as well.  In fact, after talking with a lot of people on there, I ended up going to the 2010 Ex-Mormon Conference in SLC and met many of those people in person, which was a wonderful experience.  After that, I ended up joining several Ex-Mormon groups on Facebook, and have made more friends there.  During all of this, I have discovered that there is a very large community of Former Mormons out there, providing support not only to those who have already left but also to those who are in the process of questioning and re-examining their views about Mormonism.

And so, here is my 92nd LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to all the Former Mormons out there...

COME, ALL THOSE WHO SEE THE LIES
Sung to the tune of Come, Ye Thankful People - #94

Come, all those who see the lies,

Those who finally recognize
Mormonism is not true,
Pure deception through and through.
Yes, we’ve seen the truth at last,
And though we were once downcast,
The conclusions we have drawn
Lead us to a brighter dawn.

Lies are laced throughout it all,
Truth is written on the wall.
We reject the Mormon Church
Through the facts and our research.
We’re so grateful that we saw
Each defect and every flaw.
It is just a stack of lies,
Evidence they can’t disguise.

© Diane Tingen, 4/3/2013

BEYOND THE SHADOW A DOUBT - LDS Hymn Parody #91

Beyond the shadow of a doubt.  There are certain phrases that immediately remind me of my many years in the Mormon Church, and this is one of them.  I heard that phrase so many times in church that I lost count, and particularly in Fast and Testimony Meeting - and I'm sure I said it many times way back when I was still a devout Mormon, without even realizing what it really meant.  When I saw this picture, I really liked it because it demonstrates what this phrase really means.  The man is standing outside the shadow of the word "Doubt."  This picture shows exactly just how far outside of "Doubt" my convictions really are about the many lies, falsehoods and misrepresentations within Mormonism.  

On Wikipedia, this phrase is defined as follows: 

Beyond the shadow of a doubt, or beyond a shadow of a doubt, is a standard of proof.  The phrase means the issue in question is so obvious, or has been so thoroughly proven, that there can exist no doubt.  Two possible interpretations of "Beyond a shadow" might refer, first, to the fact that doubt could be nowhere in the vicinity (completely expelled from the issue), or second, to the thoroughness of the argument (a shadow being even less substantial than a doubt itself).

After coming to the conclusion that Mormonism is a complete fraud, I can now say that "I know beyond the shadow of a doubt" that Mormonism was obviously created by Joseph Smith for his own purposes, and perpetuated by other men ever since his death.  Of that fact, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind.  It is very hard for me to understand how anyone can stay in the Mormon Church once they discover the actual truth behind the doctrines, teaching and history.  But so many members mindlessly cling to it all, refusing to believe that it is actually an enormous stack of lies, and that the entire religion was a hoax from the get-go.  Complete and total denial.

So here is my 91st LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to knowing "Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt" that Mormonism is a complete and total fraud, riddled with innumerable lies...

BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT
Sung to the tune of While of These Emblems We Partake - #174

Beyond the shadow of a doubt,
Though I believed and was devout,
Now I am sure it is a fraud,
And not at all the Word of God.

When looking at the Mormon Church,
Investigate and do research,
Examine all the evidence,
Clearly there is no good defense.

Seeing the facts, I could not stay,
Closed all the doors and walked away.
The Mormon Church is in my past,
A web of lies, so huge and vast.

It was made up by Joseph Smith,
What he created is a myth.
Mormons steadfastly cling to lies,
What they believe the truth belies.

© Diane Tingen, 4/2/2013

UNVEILING ALL THE LIES - LDS Hymn Parody #90

BEHIND THE MORMON SPIN.  The longer I have been out of Mormonism, the more I have realized just how much "spin" is involved in this religion.  Of course, we almost expect there to be "spin" in politics - we've come to expect it.  But "spin" in religion?  A person would think that religion would be above that kind of manipulative behavior.  As Javier Bardem once said, "I do respect people's faith, but I don't respect their manipulation of that faith to create fear and control."  Well put.

I recently read an article entitled "Ethical Communications: Spinning the Truth" by Mark S. Putnam, in which he said, "Somewhere between the truth and a lie, there's 'spin.' We hear about politicians spinning bad news in their favor. We see journalists and pundits spin news stories to reflect a certain point of view. It's easy. You too can spin if you look at data, filter it through your biases, and preach it like gospel. The rationale is that it isn't really lying, just putting a bias on what is already true. So what's wrong with it?  Before you choose to spin yourself into trouble, understand that in the context of ethical communication, you should be clear, truthful, and honest in what comes out of your mouth. Spinning is like any other kind of dishonesty, it's wrong. It makes good old fashioned lying sound clever and trendy. It can be said that stupid people lie and smart people spin."

I like that last line - "It can be said that stupid people lie and smart people spin."  But what's even more mystifying for me is that although literally everything about Mormonism is ridiculous (its doctrines, its teachings, and most definitely its history), there are many otherwise intelligent people who are completely caught up in Mormonism and so devoted to its tenets that they steadfastly stand up for its doctrine, teaching and history.  These people are not stupid, and yet they are trapped inside the web of lies that Mormonism propagates.  They truly believe that Joseph Smith was a Seer and Prophet of God who restored the "everlasting gospel in these latter days."  To me, the only explanation for that is that Mormonism has seeped into their psyches and clouded their judgment.  They allow the Mormon Church to dictate how they think and what they accept as true.  They are so entrenched in Mormonism that they are caught in a never-ending spiral of denial.  But that's all part of the spin - the Mormon Church expects its members to simply go along and not question, and if they do question, they are told that when the Prophet speaks, the debate is over.  That type of philosophy works to keep people quiet, and to make sure they don't speak out about their concerns.

In September 2010, I wrote a poem entitled "Spin, Spin, Spin the Truth," (based on "Row, Row, Row Your Boat") which is posted in the Poetry section of this blog.  The first two verses are:

Spin, spin, spin the truth,
Every way you can.
Verily, verily, verily, verily,
Like it all began.

Hide, hide, hide it all,
They can’t know the truth.
History, history, history, history,
Cover up the proof.

The poem goes on for several more verses, and ends with the following verse:

Please, please, please no more,
This is crazy stuff.
Overload, overload, overload, overload,
I have had enough.

Truly, I have had enough.  Enough lies... enough deception... enough denial... enough spinning.  To me, truth is the bottom line.

I will be forever grateful that I went on that Mormon Church History Tour in the Summer of 2001 because that is when I started my independent research.  At first, I simply wanted to know more about church history so I would know what occurred at the key places when we visited those locations.  But then, as I discovered more and more, I began to see that I had been duped all those years into believing that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and that the Mormon Church was the Word of God.  I often think about the possibility that if I had not gone, I would most likely still be completely caught up in the web of lies that Mormonism weaves.  Thankfully, I saw the lies and was able to extricate myself from its clutches.

And so, here is my 90th LDS Hymn Parody...

UNVEILING ALL THE LIES
Sung to the tune of I Know My Father Lives - #302

Unveiling all the lies,
The truth revealed.
So long denial sheltered me,
Reality concealed,
Reality concealed.

Within the Mormon Church,
A plan devised.
Deception at its very core,
Dishonesty disguised,
Dishonesty disguised.

So much is evident
With open eyes.
Just look beyond the rhetoric,
And you will see the lies,
And you will see the lies.

Through research I have found
The lies within.
The truth is there for all to find,
Behind the Mormon Spin,
Behind the Mormon Spin.

© Diane Tingen, 3/25/2013