Thursday, May 8, 2014

50 WAYS TO LEAVE THE MORMON



I was on the discussion board on PostMormon.org today, and someone posted a message asking, "Am I Abnormal?"  Here's the post:
SunnyDee:  I keep reading so many stories of people who have left the church and it seems as though most people simply go inactive for a long period of time before resigning. Up until a few weeks ago I was "fully active" (did callings, held recommend, church every Sunday, whatever). In reality, it was just going through the motions, with my own issues and questions slowly brewing. One week ago I decided I was done, told DH I was done with church, and now this week I'm ready to write a resignation letter for me and my kids. Is there some sort of unspoken waiting period most people go through? I'm admittedly impulsive, but my impulse for action is never without a long period of mental/philosophical preparation and giving careful attention to detail.  I just feel like getting myself away from it ASAP now that I'm firm that it's all complete BS. I've been avoiding people at church for years, this just seems like a good way to cap that all off--just get taken off the record. Is there a problem with wanting to act so fast?
Many of the responses to this post said essentially the same thing - everyone goes through this process differently.  Some discover the lies and leave immediately.  Others sort through everything for a long period of time before they finally decide they cannot continue to associate themselves with a devious religious organization.  The key is individuality.  Everything in its own time.  Everyone to their own process. Nobody telling you what "the right way" is because it really is "to each his/her own."

One of the responses to this post caught me as very funny:
Brad (ZeeZrom):  When it comes to leaving the LDS church, there is a wide range of normal.  It can depend heavily on your personality and your personal circumstances.  I left very abruptly, but didn't formally resign for over 20 years.  Others ease out over time.  As long as you are comfortable with how you are leaving, it's all fine.
With apologies to Paul Simon, there must be 50 ways to leave the mormon... 
And naturally, since my mind is already geared to think lyrically and/or poetically about almost everything, I started singing this song in my head.  At first, I thought it should remain "as is" since the wording fits not only leaving a lover but also leaving the Mormon Church (which is how I responded).  But as the day went on, I started thinking of new versions of the chorus.  Those variations are included in the following rendering of this song.

50 WAYS TO LEAVE THE MORMON
Sung to the tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free,
There must be fifty ways
To leave the Mormon.

She said it's really not my habit
To intrude.
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued,
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude,
There must be fifty ways
To leave the Mormon,
Fifty ways to leave the Mormon.

(CHORUS)
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.

Oh, just get up and go, Joe,
Let the door slam, Sam,
Don’t wait til you're dead, Fred,
To get yourself free.
Just walk away, Clay,
But you do it your own way.
Just listen to me, Dee,
And get yourself free.

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways.

She said why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways
To leave the Mormon,
Fifty ways to leave the Mormon.

(CHORUS)
You just get up and leave, Eve,
Tell them goodbye, Di,
You don't need to explain, Shane,
Just get yourself free.
Oh, at your own pace, Grace,
On your way to a good place,
Just listen to me, Bree,
And get yourself free.

You just follow the truth, Ruth,
Breathe the fresh air, Claire,
While you are still sane, Jane,
Just get yourself free.
Live your own way, Kay,
You don’t need to live their way,
Just listen to me, Bree,
And get yourself free!!

Diane Tingen - 5/8/2014
...with some "help" from Paul Simon - and Brad (ZeeZrom)